This chapter contains a PTSD flashback and allusions to sexual abuse and murder.

When I woke early the next morning, everything was dark. My eyelids were heavy and my mouth had that weird taste. I stayed under the covers for a little bit, listening to my breathing. It was hot under here. I pushed the covers away, slowly sitting up. I yawned, scratching my head. There were knots in my hair.

What time was it? Fucking five in the morning. Ugh, time for a shower.

As I reluctantly rolled out of bed, I realized that Cloud was gone. The curtains were closed, and the room was warm. A single candle was lit, making the room smell of vanilla. I looked around, searching for any sign of him. Nothing. He was completely gone, and hadn’t left anything behind aside from the flickering flame.

I felt a pang of sadness in my chest. We cuddled. He had seen my pain and tried to comfort me, even after I had practically rejected him. Did he actually care about me? It seemed like he did. But what Alpha Rose said about the God of Ivory Tower…. Everyone seemed so afraid of him. That made sense because of his god status, but…. I knew him now. He wasn’t as godly as everyone thought.

I wasn’t sure I wanted to live with him, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to stay in Alpha Rose’s house either. Here, I was more of a guest, just a stray puppy to shelter for a few nights before taking it to a pound. What would I be with Cloud?

The water was warm on my cold skin.

The blood was warm on my cold hands.

I softly gasped, pressing myself against the wall of the shower. I took a deep breath, turning up the heat. Just a nice, hellishly warm shower to wash all those thoughts away. I was safe now. They couldn’t hurt me now. I was miles away, and I knew that Alpha Rose, her werewolves, and Cloud would protect me.

After my shower, I dried off and got dressed in jeans, a red shirt, and warm socks. Red. The color of blood.

It pooled around his head.

I dropped to the floor, curling up tight. I tried to take deep, steady breaths. That was a year ago. I was safe now. I was safe here. They would protect me. I was safe. I was safe. I just needed to remember that I was safe. He was gone now. He was dead. I had killed him.

“I’ll ask again, Raine. Did you go there with intent to kill him?”

“N-no.”

“Are you telling the truth?”

“Y-yes.”

“I don’t believe you…. Are you going to be a good boy for me?”

“N-no, p-please.”

“Be a good boy, Raine.”

“Raine!”

I cried out and scrambled away.

“Raine, it’s just me!” Cedar was crouched beside me. His expression was laced with fear and concern. “Are you okay, Raine? Your eyes are wet. What’s wrong?”

“I-I’m okay,” I whispered, wiping away the tears. “Just a flashback.”

“A flashback?” He gasped. “Do you have PTSD? Raine, that’s serious!”

“I said I’m fine,” I snapped. He drew back, obviously startled and maybe even a bit frightened. My voice softened, “I’m fine, Cedar. Really. Just… tired.”

“You don’t look fine,” he carefully replied.

“I’ll be okay,” I assured him. “I just… didn’t sleep well.”

“Bullshit,” Cedar scoffed. “You fell asleep after lunch and slept through dinner. I kept checking in on you, and you were sleeping like a rock. You have PTSD, don’t you? Probably depression as well, from the looks of it.”

I stayed silent. As much as I hated to think it, he was probably right.

“Come on,” Cedar stood up and held out his hand. “We can make waffles. It won’t fix it, but it will probably make you feel better. Cooking meals for yourself is a form of self-care, not to mention a basic life skill.”

I hesitated, then sighed and took his hand. He pulled me up off the floor, and I couldn’t help but be impressed by his strength; did I even weigh anything to him? I reluctantly followed him down the stairs and to the kitchen.

“So…,” I eventually began in an attempt to fill the silence, “...how did you meet Alpha Rose? She’s your mate right? Along with Amber?”

“Oh, well, that’s… quite a story,” he nervously said, getting out a bowl and the mix for the batter. “The thing is, before Amelia became the alpha, this town was ruled by an unkind wolf pack called the Hell Royals. Amber and I were, well, slaves. We didn’t really know each other, but we had seen each other around.”

“Oh…,” I whispered. “Sorry, you must not like talking about it.”

“Oh, no, it’s… it’s fine,” Cedar hesitantly smiled. “Amelia says it’s good to talk about things that bother us, so we can work through them and find solutions.” He took a breath. “I was more of a cleaning slave; manual labor. Amber had it much harder than me. He has some… physical problems that they… extorted.” He got lost for a bit, then shook his head. “Anyway, once Amelia defeated the alpha of the Hell Royals, most of them swore their loyalty to her. She freed us, and that’s when we discovered that we were her mates.”

“So, how long has she been ruling?” I asked. “She’s--what?--seventeen?”

“Yep,” Cedar smiled and nodded. “Two years so far. Only fifteen when she bashed that bastard’s head in.”

The blood pooled around his head.

“She’s more successful than I’ll ever be,” I muttered, mixing the batter with the water. It was getting more liquidy now, and the waffle pan was almost ready. Cedar then decided to start making bacon.

“I’m sure you’ll find your place,” he told me. “You’ve been working with Killian and Mika at the shop, right? You’ll fit right in there. How’s Killian been treating you? He’s always been a bit… cold.”

“He’s fine,” I nodded, pouring the batter into the waffle pan. “It’s nice having a real mentor instead of dicking around in a scrapyard by myself. And having actual good tools and parts are a comforting change. I pretty much built my truck from the ground up, with any salvaged parts I could find, whenever I could.”

My mind wandered. I would work on that truck to distract myself from the fact that I was a prostitute. I didn’t even want to think about how many STIs I could have. I so needed to get tested.

“Good morning, boys,” Alpha Rose came down the stairs.

“Morning, Amelia,” Cedar smiled. She pecked his cheek. “Waffles are done and bacon is crisp.”

“Go wake up Amber,” she told him. “I have to speak to Raine.”

Cedar glanced between me and her, then nodded and left. I deeply sighed.

After a moment, Amelia told me, “No one’s seen Anna in a few days. So, if she was the one to trash your truck and attempt to blackmail you, she’s not doing a very good job at appearing innocent. I also got a call from Killian saying that he’s completely done fixing your truck. Even repainted it.”

I softly gasped, smiling. Anna was gone, Killian had fixed my truck, and I now considered myself Cloud’s friend. Maybe not his lover quite yet, but certainly a friend.

“So,” Alpha Rose said, “what are you going to do now? The God of Ivory Tower is after you, and we still have no idea why he wants you.”

“To be fair,” I breathed, “we don’t know anything about him at all. All you really know is that he’s a wolf, likely a werewolf, with blue eyes and a shredded left ear, and that he created this town. There is the possibility that he’s just… lonely. It could be as simple as that.”

“What makes you think that?” Alpha Rose asked.

“If this town has been around for decades, centuries,” I sighed, “then that’s centuries spent alone. Centuries spent just watching this town grow from afar, in complete silence. I can’t stand to think of how lonely he has to be. He must have latched onto me when he noticed how… broken I was.”

She sighed, “That certainly is an… interesting hypothesis. But, unless he shows himself, physically, to me, you’re staying here.”

Don’t worry, little one. That will be no problem. Come upstairs after breakfast.