Mal liked working at night. For one thing, it was quiet, and barely anyone was there. He preferred it that way. Sure, he liked people well enough, but it was better if they didn’t know him like that. Distance was safe. It brought a comfort to him that he had never experienced before. Mal worked as a night janitor at a pizza parlor. If he focused on just cleaning all the little messes, he could pass the time. Then he wouldn’t have to think. Wouldn’t have to care so much. Mal’s main problem, of course, was that he cared entirely too much all the time. When he clocked in, he could be another person for a few hours. One who kept his head down and did his job without complaining. He had a few coworkers, but most of them were much older. They, like him, preferred to lie low and stick to what they knew. Sometimes, Mal wished he didn’t care about anyone or anything. He wasn’t sure if this made him an asshole, but he knew it made him weird. He was entirely too aware of just how weird he was. Of how he came across. Sometimes, he felt if he shut his eyes really tightly, maybe he’d be able to just disappear. He left his old life just like that, after all. The past that was so hard to forget, yet so easy to flee from. He wanted to keep it that way. Especially with Moses around. There was so much ugliness. He wanted to bury away all of the ugliest parts of himself and start over. He wanted to be clean from all the things he left behind, so he pushed these feelings down and tried to move forward. As he scrubbed the sink of the men’s room, he was unable to keep Moses from occupying his mind. His wild, unruly hair, his full lips, his amber eyes that darted around when he was flustered. He wanted to hear his pretty moans again, he wanted to touch him, to hold him. Fuck. He felt a tightening in his pants as his thoughts ran wild. In an attempt to keep them at bay, he scrubbed harder at the sink, getting all the grime that had accumulated off the rim. In a strange way, Mal wished that he could be clean in the same way that you rid an object of filth and unpleasantness. If he could completely wipe his slate, maybe he wouldn’t feel the emptiness as much. He got rid of so much from his life, compartmentalized it all into one tiny little box but it was still overflowing somehow, like the water he’d so often submerge himself in. His life was full of water it seemed, but not the pretty kind. It was murky, dirty, polluted with all that is unpleasant. Maybe if he cleaned enough of himself, he could fit all of it into the box finally before he drowned in it. Maybe if he could be an entirely different man, he’d finally rid himself of the filth permanently. It’s not like he didn’t feel guilt. He felt guilty for leaving his home and his past, but he had to get out. That was no place for him and he knew it. He felt a buzzing in his pocket from his phone and rolled his eyes. There’s only one person who’d call me at this hour. Well, bathroom’s clean, I better answer before he goes apeshit.

“Yooo, Mal what’s good?”

“I’m working, Austin. What’s so important that you gotta call me?”

“Geez, is it a crime to check up on your little bro? I just wanted to know how things were.”

“They’re fine.”

“I heard from Dean that Moses moved in a couple days ago.”

“He did.”

“How do you feel about that?”

“Alright I guess.”

“He’s your age, y’know. You could…go for it,” Austin teased.

“What makes you think I haven’t.”

Mal heard a crackle on the other end of the phone.

“Well did you?!!! I need to know all the details!!!!”

“It wasn’t anything serious…we just made out and stuff. We didn’t go all the way or anything.”

“OMG!!! That’s amazing!”

“I dunno how amazing it could be. I dunno if he likes me or whatever.”

“If he has any sense at all, he’ll think you’re fantastic.”

“Is that so?”

“Oh, absolutely. I do.”

Mal smiled.

“Thanks, man.”

“Only the best for my little bro.”

Mal put the phone on speaker as he began mopping the floor of the hallway.

“How are things back there?”

“They’re going really well, actually. Business is booming since I published my book, and Annalise and I are going to a press conference in San Fran soon.”

“That’s great! I wish you’d take me with you sometimes.”

“I’d love you to come visit soon. I miss you, man.”

“Well, we made our choices, right? You decided to go. I was left behind.”

Mal heard a little pause on the other end of the line. The back of his throat stung, and he instantly regretted his words, but he couldn’t take them back now. He heard his brother’s voice start to say something, then falter. When he finally started to speak again, his voice shook.

“You know I love you, right?”

“Of course I know that! I’m an asshole, I’m sorry…”

“That was the hardest choice for me to make. I couldn’t live with them anymore. Hell, you couldn’t live with them anymore. I’ve wished forever that I took you with me, but I was 16. I didn’t know what the fuck I was doin’, and maybe part of me thought they’d be different with you. You were only 12.”

Austin’s voice broke completely, and he heard his brother’s sniffles.

“I want you to be happy,” Austin whispered, “have a good life. Have a story to tell. I will support you financially in whatever way I can, and you can hate me, but don’t cut me off too. I know why you left, but don’t run away from me too.”

“I’m…I would never hate you! Ever. I was…I’m so alone all the time and I’m trying not to let it get to me. I just…I miss everything and I’m trying not to.”

“I felt the same way when I went no contact with mom and dad. It hurts so much. You and me, we’re two peas in a pod. That place was too small for both of us.”

“Do you ever feel like it was your fault?”

“What?”

“I dunno. Everything, I guess. I feel that way all the time.”

“Mal.”

“I know it’s stupid.”

“No it’s not. We’re different, and mom and dad can’t understand different. You know this. Their worldview is so small nothing else can fit in it. That’s them. You’re you. Isn’t that something?”

“I guess. I gotta go. Love you, man.”

“Love you. Think about what I said, ok?”

Mal hung up the phone, finishing his mopping. He moved on to the dining area, scrubbing, sweeping, sanitizing, mopping, making the unpleasant pleasant. That was easy. Simple. The world isn’t that simple. Mal hummed mindlessly as he worked. Music was something that was safe to him when nothing else was (other than cleaning, of course). It could be so complicated and messy, but even in its messiest forms, it could be beautiful and breathtaking. In an odd way, music made him think of Moses. The boy was smart mouthed and unkempt, but had a shyness to him. He wanted to see more sides to this pretty person. He felt his phone buzz once again. Groaning, he whipped it out of his pocket. Why the fuck is Teeran calling me at this hour?

“Hello? Is everything ok?”