Arc 1: A whole new world

Warning: abusive content, mental health issues. 

Her face fell. She didn’t cease trying well aware that she had no idea how to unclasp a leather belt, courtesy of always wearing elastic. What she eventually ended up opening was the fly. The obvious bulge poking out from beneath made her so curious she couldn’t help but touch, making him groan. He impatiently got rid of his jeans and underwear, immediately after which his hardened shaft sprang out to jab her on the nose. 

“Umm... This thing... how do you use...”

Jonas sighed as if helpless while kneeling down to caress her jaw. “Wanna find out?” 

It’d be a lie if she said she wasn’t curious. The thing she peed with and this looked so entirely different! But to nod to such crude proposal, wouldn’t it be a bit... ”It’s custom made to- ugh! WTH!” Ash had rubbed the slit on his tip purely out of curiosity. If she knew how roughly she was going to be pressed against the messy floor and how cruely penetrated without a single second of what should be called foreplay, not that she knew the name for it at that time, she’d have never done that. That ‘thing’ wasn’t even pleasant to look at.

When she tried screaming in pain, he bent forward and bit down on her lips, turning them into muffled groans. She did know a bit of kung fu, but already trapped in such weird position she couldn’t outpower a healthy youth in his prime. Also the pain hindered her a lot. Flailing, pulling hair or scratching his back seemed to backfire on her instead, agitating him more. 

He tore open her bra, so roughly that the hooks dug into her flesh, drawing out blood. As the immense pain from her lower region kept increasing she found it hard to even breathe, let alone talk or fight back. 

”A cups? They don’t even fit my palm...” he dared to joke amidst her misery, “You… You smell of apple pies.” Was it a joke too?

“Wha-ah..ahn..” His nails and teeth on her nipples hurt. So did the tight squeeze on her breasts. But words betrayed her. She was clueless at first, sure, but recognized the scream muffling action as a kiss. She was a Disney fan at least. 

But is this what follows after one gets together? The thing they do on beds after turning light’s off? Suddenly she was afraid of marriage. This much pain was just not it. But she had seen so many women happy and willing... Then is this something particular men like Jonas like to do? She was so clueless, she started fearing men in general.

What’s the use of 5 years of martial art training if I can’t even defend myself? I’ve been deceived. They all went too easy on me. They betrayed me...

She couldn’t believe her father called this man simple and friendly. He hurt her so much! The thing inside her started to twitched and turned, increasing its pace so much, she couldn’t just say quiet even at the cost of all her power’s worth- “Get it... out...”

Sadly, the cursed man only heard what he wanted to hear. “You wanna see me c*m? So dirty. I knew I’ve fallen for the right person. I... I love you...” with that he hit his climax in a way that drove the poor girl deeper into misery.

Love? When did he ever- Is this what lover’s really love for? It was inevitable for Ash to hate ’Love’ from that moment on. She couldn’t tell how long she laid there in daze, her abdomen tainted with his fluids; nor when or how she returned home.

This must be the danger her parents so warned her against all those years. As expected, she couldn’t endure. Not everyone is a Rapunzel who meets the nicest thief man that brings her back to a better loving pair of parents. Now that she thought about it, behind the pages of the children friendly book, that girl too might or might not have met the same fate as hers. It suddenly felt safer back into her protected cocoon.

Jonas did offer responsibility from then and there. Responsibilty of raising kids. Could this be the action that brings forth kids? Is it some sort of sacrificial ritual? The Ash who had no idea how to live with herself, now had to fear the addition of a child. But with the lingering possibility of her ‘not’ being pregnant, she didn’t risk staying back with him. Else, bearing his child might become her only choice.

Thus instead, she returned home. Should she be laughing at how said babysitter didn’t even notice one of the ‘babies’ were out? Refusing dinner in advance, she fell on her bed and stared at the ceiling until it turned dark. At about 9, she felt like showering. That’s where she finally broke. Limbs trembling, she searched for something to keep herself from falling over. Her vision was unreliable and once again she felt her oxygen pipe get stuck.

“Am I dying?” Grabbing the shower handle Ash weakly leaned on the wall. Everything around seemed to be spinning, her body felt like on fire. “Or is this how pregnancy feels?” Her chest burned from what felt like stabbing of thousands of knives out of the pits of hell. Threads of agony felt stronger, growing arms to rip her own beating heart away from her. Ash tried reaching for it only to watch in horror as the beast shredded it, smirking. Once again she was back here; once again she lost to fate. Screeching and ripping what remained of her clothes Ash scratched and tore at every parts of her skin she remembered him touching; all the while the cruel laughter of the world rang behind her ears.

At least no one ever found out about the incident. Days and nights passed with only Ash remembering the piercing pain as if a glowing iron shoved into her, burning any nerves and feelings along the way, the cold water prickling at her wounds as well as her conscience every time she went to shower. In case she turned out to be pregnant, Ash snuck out of the academy during short breaks to meet with Jonas. That’s how she came to know that he was actually following her around for months and had been eyeing her even through her bedroom window, as he used to live in an apartment across hers before moving out. Those things Jonas confessed to her himself, saying it was all out of LOVE. She felt so violated! How this emotion was desirable for humans was beyond her.

In those quite alleys, Jonas often forced her to make out with him. By forced she meant he wouldn’t hear no matter how she declined. She’d sometimes get a funny itch all over her body, especially the part between her legs that she felt had malfunctioned ever since that day. But every time, she’d also be left with such a sense of loss and under-satisfaction, she dreaded those meetings too.

Things happened. She doubted there was a guardian angel for her. Yet she never stopped trusting in the existence of God. She believed in him to resent him. Why did fate play such cruel tricks on her? For the life of her she couldn’t figure out who she wronged so much to suffer like this. Her desire for freedom, control over herself and acceptance- all turned into a blood red demon eating her away. Before long, she lost the will to smile, anything that was to be considered to be fun in life, to even differ between day and night as she locked herself in her room with the excuse of studies.

It was then that she stumbled upon a book that claimed to differ ‘love’ and ‘s*x’. In that, she finally understood r*pe, what was considered good s*x and how to acheive it. As much as she had occasional cravings of getting to know the ‘enjoyable’ part, figuring out how utterly useless, weak and gullible she’d been, she lost confidence over her independence.

Light seemed to enter her life once again 9 months later when she confirmed she wasn’t pregnant. Her family suddenly went bankrupt so her brother was send to the countryside for cheaper studies while she was more severely locked at home as her parents worked 12 hours a day to support the family. She did loose contact with Jonas but who needed him anyway. What she gained was a friend, the angel of her life, Tara.

Tara’s family rented the apartment across her bedroom after the tenant after Jonas moved out. “I found this binocular set in a way that showcases your bedroom’s privacy, as if the tenant before was stalking you. We couldn’t sue him as there was no hard evidence yet I felt you should know.” Turns out the 2^nd guy was keeping an eye on her too. Am I just an easy prey or smth? Anyways, that’s how their friendship started. In a month’s time, Tara gifted her a phone, sharing her Wi-Fi alongside. “How can a person live the way you do?” She’d wonder aloud quite often.

She helped Ash socialize by bringing over friends. Most of them specialized in arts of fighting, even Tara herself was a judo black belt. Her generous parents added a lot to Ash’s stolen cash to buy her many exercising equipments and often made excuses to her parents for her to come over to train in secret. Soon her trauma regarding weakness was like a lie. Not only that, but Tara’s friends would often bring her recommendations of dramas and web novels, all in return of her cooked meals, claiming her food to be the best at pleasing both their eyes and tongue.

Tara was like a therapist to Ash, always teaching her how even the strongest of humans needs help in order to survive. “Even if one becomes a farmer, tailor and doctor all by oneself, he’d still need an engineer to build his house. It’s not disgraceful for independent people to ask for help. What you need is to pay accordingly.” she’d say. With strangers, the safest behavior is to be amiable while maintaining physical distance as much possible. “Be aware of your own boundaries.“ Love is to consider her wellbeing above anything; to cherish her opinion, not force whatever they ‘think’ is good on her; to correct her mistakes, not punish her. “Find a life partner like that.”

3½ years spent around them totally transformed Ash. Finally regaining her smile and lost confidence, Ash had attempted her second escapade... “Let’s see what my dear God has in store for me.”