The start pt2

It’s been a few years since we’ve began dating but unfortunately mine and Eric’s relationship has changed, I understand when the honeymoon phase is over things can be different but when you haven’t heard from your partner for 2 weeks, then something is clearly wrong. I decided to try to call him again, it feels like the ringing sound is going on forever. On the last ring I heard a click sound. hello? Eric? I hear nothing for a couple of seconds then a stern voice appears, what Ruka? Did he just say what Ruka? What does he mean what Ruka? I think, scrambling my brain wondering why he sounds mad, Well Eric Iv been calling and texting you for almost 2 weeks and you’ve been ignoring me, Sorry… I thought I told you my friend is planning a holiday get together. A get together? He never told me about a get together, sigh... I thought to myself, Eric… are you sure it’s just that ? I kinda regret asking that. He responds, what do you mean by that? Ruka do you even trust me?. I.. do I trust him? How do I answer this? My voice began to shake as I spurt out these words, yes but do you even want to be with me? I listen closely holding my breath not knowing what he might say who would have thought that only a few seconds of waiting would feel like hours, my face turning purple from the lack of air then he spoke, Ruka.. he said my name and sighed, Ruka don’t be one of those girls, if I didn’t want to be with you then I would’ve ended it , can’t you just trust me? I wasn’t expecting those words so I had a sigh of relief, I said okay and we hung up the phone. 

After that day we still barely interacted, how are we in the same school yet Iv barely seen him. I felt like something was wrong like he was hiding something but I wanted to trust him, unfortunately I didn’t have anyone to really talk to about these issues with except..

Becky.

Becky is currently my only friend. Without Becky or Eric I literally have no one. Not because I can’t make friends but because most people don’t like Becky most people think she’s a bitch, someone who ruins friendships or relationships, is manipulative, controlling and uses people. See I don’t know if I have an opinion, I don’t think Iv seen this with my own eyes, I will say she’s kinda mean and I guess controlling but I can’t just stop being her friend right…? I mean she says we’re both all we have but at least I have Eric which she can’t relate to that. 

I went over to her dorm room , I knocked on the door then let myself in, she was sitting on her sofa with an ice lollipop placed against her lips, her lips looked bruised and busted, being concerned I ran up to her, what happened to your mouth? Did someone hurt you?  She puts her hand in front of my face, what? No you idiot, I got my lips done. I bent down and touched her lip, they felt kinda lumpy unsure if that’s normal, does it hurt ? She quivers from the poke, yes, yes get off! She shouts clearly in pain. So what do you want? Make it quick because my boyfriend is coming over and I got to get ready and I’d rather you not be here when he arrives.

I explained to her what has been happening with Eric, how he’s been like a switch one day he’s all lovey dovey, texting and calling , wanting me, to be around me as much as possible then the next being distant not calling or texting, making excuses not to hang out, even tho he’s like this he still tells me he wants to be with me and loves me that I need to trust him or our relationship won’t work. Once I was finished Becky stood there with her right eyebrow raised and her hand on her hip, bro you’re tripping remember Eric can have anyone he wants I mean look at him he’s gorgeous and yet he’s with you feel lucky you even have him. She walks up to me and grabs my chin. Just trust him he’s probably just busy living his life and once he’s done he’ll be all over you again just wait. 

I wanted to believe becky was right but days turned into weeks then weeks into months with Eric still acting the same, he’s still telling me he loves me and wants to be with me but he’s not showing it. I don’t want to let go, I want to know why, I want to know what to change if changing would even help, I wanna know what happened, did I do something that would’ve caused him to become like this? Maybe he felt like I wasn’t loving enough.. maybe I did something to push him away.. 

He won’t tell me…

Eric.. just tell me…