Noah

I can’t go on like this. It’s not authentic of me to keep being in the presence of Amel, of Vivian while harboring undeserved contempt.

I’ve been living with them for a considerable period of time and now I’m being made aware of the unwarranted distaste I bore towards them, and still do.

They’re no savages, nor are they deranged; they’re people like me, people who breathe the same air, have moments of ecstasy as well as agony; wear pleasant smiles in bliss, worn out looks in distress; crave intimacy, and seek love and belonging.

But everytime I’m getting closer to Amel, his silhouette molding into an intricate figure with each step I take, from a distance I see a derisive visage.

A familiar face – my father. He gives me a look. I can’t meet his eyes, judgmental and piercing. As I gather a little courage, I try to face him but now, the single sneering face is no longer one; a multitude of critical looks, frowning in disapproval, or pity.

“He’s friends with a half-breed,” they mock, their jeering followed by unanimous cackles.

“Oh my! What happened to the old Noah?” A young boy taunts, “Let’s go back to the old days, shall we?”

“Don’t you remember? How we’d torment poor little ‘you know who’ ?”

The little boy peers into my eyes and reiterates again and again, “Don’t you remember, don’t you remember, don’t you remember?”

The other faces join in on the ridicule, my father and mother’s voice grow fierce; I can see that indiscernible look. Is it disapproval, is it pity, something else?

I close my eyes and cover my ears, but I can still see the judging faces and hear their sharp words.

“NOAH! NOAH!” A voice calls from afar.

Everything around me starts to fall apart, the faces vanish.

I don’t want to open my eyes, but I can feel a benign presence so I muster the strength to open them. It’s Vivian. She lets out a sigh.

“Thank goodness you woke up. Thank goodness,” Vivian expresses, wiping the sweat of my face.

Amel arrives with a bottle of water.

“Here, drink up,” he tells me.

“You worried us to death, Noah!” exclaims Vivian, “Were you having a nightmare?”

“Yeah… A terrible one,” I admit and curl up into a ball.

Vivian and Amel give each other a look and comfort me. They tell me I was deep asleep beneath the Eirenai tree sheltering us, in the hills. They’d come to fetch me as we’d been assigned another mission and tried to wake me up several times but to no avail. I was perspiring heavily and uttering unintelligible sentences.

We return to the boarding school. The Dorm Master tells me I can sit this one out.

Vivian, Amel and Lino (another boarder) are away on their mission.

Why am I such a coward? I wish I went with them, but I’d be dead weight. I’m pathetic.

**********

Dalia

I’m in the library, going through my lecture notes for today’s lessons but my writing’s unintelligible; it’s my own handwriting and yet, I can’t discern between my a’s, e’s and o's, all the words look like they might mesh into a puddle of ink if I were to agitate the pages and some of the letters are starting to smudge.

I’ll have to ask Vivian for her notes later. She’s not here right now. On a mission with Amel and Lino. I pray nothing harms her.

Vivian’s absence fills me with a tiny yet substantial void. She’s the one and only piece who has a special place reserved in my heart.

And I know she treasures me. And that worries me.

Happiness is a child’s play for me. I can find it anywhere – in the mirth from waking up to a new day, on the way to the kitchen to brew tea and seeing the *Zarang flowers in full bloom, watching the leaves waltz in the air as the tender breeze excites them, watering the animated flowers in the garden, exchanging priceless words with the ones I hold dear, being able to rest after a day’s work. All because of her. The one who made me see the world in a novel light, dispelling the dreary shadows enveloping me.

I want to share this happiness with her. I want her to wake up and be grateful simply for being here, to embrace herself, to find her own happiness, to be content.

Truth be told, I’m a bit jealous of Vivian finding other sources of contentment. But having me as her sole source is not the best for Vivian, and anything that’s not the best for her makes me unhappy.

We can’t always be together, Vivian and I. After the Bestial Insania Plague, there might (I use might but we likely will) be times when we have to be away from each other and I don’t want Vivian to come crumbling down, shattering into fragments without me.

I’ve been daydreaming for minutes now and I don’t think I’m going to get anything done.

I’m staring blank at my disorganized notes when Noah walks into the library carrying a huge stack of books.

••••••••

“Careful there.” I pick up some books from Noah’s pile.

“Thanks. Mind if I join you?” He straightens his back, ‘We could study together, if you’re okay with it.’

“Study together? That is an offer I’ll rarely decline,” A grin comes on my face, “I can always use some extra help.”

“Why the towering pile of books? Lemme guess, backlog?” I inquire, wearing a smile. I can’t help putting on smiles, it happens on its own. I’d only noticed how often I do after Lino pointed it out. Said it looks good on me. I giggled at the thought.

“You guessed right.” Noah let out a prolonged sigh, “Ughhh! I don’t think I’ll be able to complete my work today either.”

As he complains, he beats his back with a fist.

“Backache?”

“Yup. Hours of sitting down and copying Amel’s notes is finally taking a toll on my body.” He raises his shoulders and loosens up. Keeping the books on the table, he takes an armchair and slumps down on it, resting his hands on the arms.

“Aight, no time to procrastinate.” He grabs his pen and flips through the pages without thought.

I take a seat opposite to him. Looking at my haphazard books, I lose interest in accomplishing any task. Yet I push myself to rearrange my study materials. A small step but at least I’m doing something.

Ten minutes in after we started off with our business, I can feel Noah’s eyes on me. Not in a way that makes me uneasy. He looks like a small child who’s observing something peculiar with their whole attention. Intriguing.

Noah’s an intriguing person. He gets along well with Amel, Lino and to my surprise, even Vivian’s beginning to warm up to him. It’s unusual for her to take such a quick liking to someone. I’m glad she’s making attempts at knowing people other than me.

He can come across as silly sometimes, not in a bad way. He acts real goofy at times, such as in the kitchen when he plays with the veggies and meat, and his interactions with Amel can be amusing from time to time – Amel teasing him about his height (even though Noah’s not short. Just a case of Amel being gifted better genes), inside jokes between them, Amel impishly poking Noah on his arm and Noah enduring it until he reaches his breaking point and pokes back. They’re adorable when they tease each other.

“Anything the matter?” I ask him.

Noah turns wide-eyed, “No, sorry for staring,” he stammered.

He clears his throat, “It’s just that it’s the first time I’ve seen you this… serious? I don’t mean it as an insult though. I imagined you as someone who’s active, brisk, moving about a lot, y’know, beaming full of energy,” he admitted.

“Ok. Rude, impolite, an attack on my character,” I joked and giggled.

“Guess I’ll have to be taken to jail for character assassination then,” he retorted with his hands cuffed by invisible shackles.

We start talking about trivial things with occasional personal queries and answers. I have a feeling we’re definitely not going to get any work done today.

Somewhere along our conversation, Vivian’s brought up. I think I can trust Noah. He’s trustworthy. But I can’t find a proper means of approach.

Oh well, here it goes.

“Can you-” I mutter.

“Can I?” a puzzled Noah looks at me.

“Look, this may sound like a strange request but can you make an attempt to get close to Vivian. I’m not saying that you should approach her all the time but whenever the both of you are alone, can you try getting to know her,” I ramble on, my face is heating up, “Vivian seems more open with you and I thought she might be willing to drop her guard with someone else at last.” I pause to catch my breath.

Noah’s silent. His eyes are wide open, as if they’d seen something repulsive; his brows are raised high.

I knew it, I was too pushy with my request. He must be overwhelmed.

“You’re free to deny my outrageous request.” I laugh it off, fidgeting with my hands.

With an empathetic smile he says, “I’m not going to deny your request. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me all these.”

He heaves a sigh and admits, “I’m just surprised cause I thought you’d be jealous of other people getting close to her, considering how attached the two of you are.”

“Admittedly, I am a little jealous at the thought of Vivian getting closer to other people,” a short pause, “But I’m worried she might be becoming too dependent on me (for contentment). It makes me happy that she leans on me but I can’t always be there for her. I don’t want her to break apart without me. That thought saddens me.” I stretch, look at the ceiling then at Noah.

“Vivian’s strong, much stronger than I am. She’s not invincible though, there are times when she can shatter,” I tilt my head and rest it on my hand, “Thank you for agreeing to my request.”

“Not a problem,” Noah assures me, patting my head from across the table.

We hear a loud ring. It’s library closing time.

“Well,  we have officially wasted three hours,” Noah remarks.

“Three hours wasted on talking is three hours well spent,” I jest.

[*Zarang (Fictional flower)]

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