Time flew so fast, and we were already in eleventh grade...
As for the new semester, Shiwoo, Haru, and I were in the same class again...
Not long after, Shiwoo and some other kids reconciled with Haru again out of the blue, like nothing ever happened between them...
This time, I don't know how, but it was me who became an outcast after they became a group. That was simply because I wasn't on the good side with others since that day and neither was Haru...
The fact that I was left out didn't concern me because I was used to this kind of thing...
They've always been like that. Using me whenever they need me, and tossing me away whenever they don't. Putting the blame on me whenever they've been cornered.
Since I'm mostly patient and the quiet type, they think they can do whatever they want from me.
In the end, I'm the villain when I want to stand for my rights or whenever I get tired of their shits...
I felt unfair. However, I had to move on. I hated school, even more, those days. Trying to separate myself from that vibe by drawing in my sketchbook or reading a romance comic during our breaks at school...
I felt like I was slowly getting back to my old self as time passed.
~
It was near my birthday time, in December, when Haru tried to get close to me again...
He kept staring at me whenever I was around his sight... observing me from far away wherever I was... Like a stalker, I could feel his presence everywhere.
Although I knew what he wanted to do, I decided to ignore him and act like I didn't notice anything because I didn't want to get played by him again...
But my efforts vanished soon after since life had already decided to lead me into a corner that I couldn't escape from...
I don't know why, but everything seemed so smooth for him when he wanted something unlike me...
In any case, it was around that time when some older guys tried to harass me and steal my money when I was returning home from school. As Haru was also following me on that day, he observed them bothering me, so he fought back until they ended up running away. I was frozen in place, unable to move, just looking at Haru, and how furious he was while beating them.
As they fled, I finally was able to breathe and said a plain thank you after a sigh and tried to go away without starting a conversation. Nevertheless, he stopped me by standing in front of me, then asked if I was alright in a worried tone...
And I told him that I was fine so get out of my way...
He pushed me onto the wall, and his gaze was fixed on me. "Myung, I'm sorry..."...
"Sorry for what?..." I answered.
While I was trying to avoid eye contact by looking at the floor, he grabbed my chin and lifted my head. He said, "I heard everything from Shiwoo. I shouldn't act like that to you... I'm sorry for not believing you and treating you badly... although it's late, I wanted to apologize to you at least..."...
His eyes were full of remorse and sadness with a bit of affection, maybe...
Unlike the day that I went to see him for the last time, incredibly cruel without any emotion...
I was confused by his actions...
How can you be like this?... Why are you doing this to me?...
Someday you'll come to me full of warmth and energy...
But some other day, you'll ignore me as I've never existed in your life in the first place...
I was overwhelmed and gritted my teeth, "I get it... can you let me go now?..."
He continued, "Would you forgive me?... Can we become friends again?... I... Miss..."
At that moment, I laughed at how ridiculous this situation was... then I said calmly, " Why should I?... Have you forgotten what I told you that day?... Don't ever try to come back to me!!!
I'm not obligated to forgive you just because you helped me now, right?!... "
I pushed him away and walked a few steps until he hugged me from behind and said desperately, " I know I was a jerk... But please don't be like this... Hmm~?!... I'll be good to you from now on... I was having a hard time then... I expected you to stay by my side no matter what...
But you keep distancing yourself from me...
That was why I was pissed... we both were wrong... ". He squeezed me in his arms and put his head on my shoulder. I could feel his breath on my skin and through my clothes...
Haru's embrace was still warm to the point that he was tempting me to give in to him, but my insecure mind stopped me at that moment...
I know I was wrong too, but don't you think ghosting me was a bit overboard?...
I told him that I couldn't right now, but I'll think about it, and walked back home after getting out of his arms...
~
I'm not the kind of person to hold a grudge, but when I get hurt, I just don't want to experience it anymore... which is why I'm not adept at reconciling...
It takes time for me to trust someone one more time or start over...
From that day on, Haru had been doing anything he could do to get close to me again. By putting snacks with choco milk on my desk every single day in secret, helping me whenever I needed to, and taking care of me all the time. I could feel that he was trying hard to get us back together like in our old days...
As a result, I eventually decided to let it go...
When my birthday arrived, he and other guys, including Shiwoo, took me out for celebrating it. We ate pizza and cake, and then we went to a karaoke room...
For me, these kinda birthdays when it's crowded and noisy are like the chaos that drains my energy pretty fast... Especially when you're not comfortable with them since they've been ignoring you the whole time...
By the way, I still appreciate their efforts, though...
They were all singing their favorite songs, and the atmosphere was electrifying. Everyone was laughing, joking around, and having a good time. The music was loud, and it felt like the room was shaking. They were all singing and dancing high energetically... At some point, my social battery was drained gradually, and all I wanted was a quiet place with no one around...
Haru noticed that I was tired from the look on my face as our gazes crossed each other, so he stood up suddenly and said goodbye to others while dragging me out of the karaoke by holding my hand... We quickly walked out of the building, and we took a stroll in a park nearby to get some fresh air...
Outside was completely dark and freezing, but I liked it since I was finally at peace... I inhaled a deep breath and unconsciously started to mumble since I was in a happy mood. " Dancing Bears~, Painted Wings~,
Things I almost remember. And a song someone sings
Once upon a December~~."...
Then Haru said excitedly, " Oh!... Anastasia's song!... "...
Then, I asked, "You know this?... It's my favorite... but most people don't recognize it... Some of them think it's childish~"...
"I love this song... also, I like their dance in the animation!... " he said and suddenly grabbed my hand and dragged me near the fountain area in the park, which was much more space to move... put his other hand around my waist and pulled me close to his then he asked me to sing so we could dance...
I said, "Are you crazy?... Why would we dance?!... Also here!... It's embarrassing... people will see..."...
I tried to push him, but his grasp was stronger ...
He answered, "Come on! There's no one around since it's late and super cold...
Please~~... I've always wanted to try this... Sing it for me... you know I'm not good at English..."...
I realized that trying to escape from him at that embarrassing moment was useless... So as I sang in a low voice, my body moved in response to him...
Two boys were dancing in the middle of the park on a cold night when no one wanted to stay there for a second... I felt trapped. All I could do was try to keep singing and hope that the moment would soon be over. His gaze was fixed on me, and it felt like he was controlling me, forcing my body to move in a way I didn't want. Despite my attempts to resist, I couldn't help but find myself swaying to the rhythm...
If anyone saw us at that moment, they'd definitely think we weren't mentally stable...
I didn't even know how to dance the tango, so I kept stomping on Haru's feet while following his steps...
I couldn't hold my laughter anymore because somehow I found the situation funnier the more I thought about it... It was ridiculously fun, which was unexpected for me...
After fooling around for a while and laughing, we headed home...
I decided to stay overnight with Haru since his parents weren't home, so we could be alone without any stress...
As I sat down on the edge of his bed after a shower, he gave me my present right before we went to bed... It was a grey Teddy bear with a red hoodie...
My eyes were locked on Teddy since it was so cute. Haru smiled and said, "I got this for you to hug him whenever you're too scared to sleep... His name is The Guardian Haru No.2~..."
I glared at him and then hit him with that Teddy for teasing me after I heard this, "Don't mock me!!!... I'm just an overthinker, which is why I get scared easily!!!..."
Haru laughed at me loudly while stroking my hair. " Just kidding~... Anyway, Happy birthday~..."
I answered, pouting my lips, "Well~... Thank you!... I guess!..."
As he squeezed my cheeks with his hand, my lips pushed out more. "What are you?... A fish?... Why are you making your lips like that?~~... Haha..."
"Let~ me~ hmph~ go~..." I said, swatting away his hand. He laughed, his eyes twinkling with mirth. "You're too cute!"...
I embarrassingly turned my face away as I blushed and squirmed right under the blanket, "Turn the lights off. I wanna sleep..."
He patted the blanket after a giggle and walked to turn off the light, "Goodnight~... Myung~..."
As I felt the darkness in the room, I replied, "Goodnight~..."
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