The play was breathtaking and more amusing than I expected.

As soon as the match was over, Haru walked up the stairs and sat beside me while he was panting hard, and sweat was dripping from his bashful face. "Have you seen we won?...hehe~...How was I?..."

+"Yeah~... Good job..." I replied like usual...

He stared at me for a while, "Why are your reactions mostly deadpan?"

+"How should I react then?..." 

-"huh?... I don't know!... More excitedly?..." 

+"But I am excited now..."

He observed me again with his eyes and sighed. "You're always expressionless, so it's difficult to tell the difference..."

With a thumbs up, I said, "You've done wellllllll~... Are you satisfied now?..."

He just stared at me, disappointed, and then burst into a laugh, "What's wrong with you seriously?!... hahaha"

While we're talking, three of the girls from earlier appeared in front of us with some snacks in their hands. Then one of them said cutely, "Haru Sunbae*, we enjoyed the match~~... you played very well~~..." Then they handed over the snack to Haru and ran away out of shyness. 

He responded loudly, "Thank youuuu all~~~..."

Haru then turned to me and said, "Have you seen it?!~.. You should also be like that!~..." 

I continued to sketch and replied, "If that's what you want, then you're free to hang out with them instead of me..." 

He suddenly hugged me, "Nah~... I just need my exclusive robot~... hehe~..."

I stared draggers at him, and he released me.

Then he snatched my sketchbook out of my hand as he noticed it, "What's this?..." and started to flip the pages, "Wow!!!..." I tried to grab it back, but he held it tight. He examined every page, commenting on my drawings. 

-"Myung!... You're truly an artist!... Look at these portrayed faces!..."

+"Give it back!..."

-"What did you use to color these?" It doesn't look like colored pencils!..."

+"It's make-up products~..." I answered shyly.

-"Oh!... You're smart!... It's really cool... How did you get this idea?..." 

+"You're overreacting... It's just that I like this kind of stuff~..." I pulled out my sketchbook out of his hands and closed it nervously. 

I've never shown my drawings to anyone, nor talked about them because I've felt insecure about them. Because of what I like, I'm always afraid of being humiliated or mocked... 

I'm into art, design, make-up, creative ideas, and new things...

I don't like boring stuff that repeats itself every time... 

As I was absorbed in my thoughts again, Haru said," Myung, I've never seen someone as talented as you in my whole life... It's truly amazing, and I'm not overreacting!..."

I mumbled, "It's just you who thinks like this about me~..." and continued in a more clear tone, "Let's go get something to eat... I'm hungry~..."

~

A few months passed, and since Haru's birthday is on 21st Sept, we decided to go on a picnic with Shiwoo and some other kids, and their girlfriends tagged along... 

We packed our lunch with some snacks and also the birthday cake... 

We played card games and badminton until we got hungry, so we had lunch after that... 

The weather was still hot, but thanks to our ice pack, the cake's cream didn't melt and was eatable... We all enjoyed the cake, it was delicious. 

It was such a fun day... We did so many stupid things... and laughed a lot... until sunset... 

As for his gift, I gave him a black leather wallet that I made myself with a handmade birthday card... 

He was so happy that he kept complimenting me on how talented I am... and also the fact that I put time into making them for him... 

That night, Haru stayed at my place...

We talked and laughed a lot that night up to 3 or 4 AM. Until my dad scolded us for not sleeping... 

Before we fell asleep, Haru once again thanked me for the gift. He kissed me on my forehead and said, " You're my favourite person. You have no idea how much I like you... 

You're beautiful... smart... talented... kind... warm... innocent like a child... I've always admired you. "... 

Those words were too heavy for me... 

I was grateful but also grieving at the same time...

My heart was throbbing when a sorrowful feeling rushed into me...

I'm not used to people complimenting me... or behaving affectionately toward me... except my parents. Most of the people that I know criticize or humiliate me for being weird, isolated, with a depressed aura... who can't even communicate properly...

But you... 

You see me differently...

Because it is so different, I am unable to see through it myself... 

Why?... 

 ~

Since our last year at school had begun, after that birthday we were so busy with studies, scores, and rushing to cram school, So we didn't have much time to do anything else at all... 

In the blink of an eye, we graduated... 

All of us got accepted to different universities and fell apart eventually...

Haru moved to a dorm near his university and also got a part-time job...

Also, my family moved out too since we finally bought our own house...

In fact, I didn't intend to apply to university because I've already planned to be a make-up artist since I was 13 or 14, but my dad didn't let me in the end, no matter how much I insisted... he told me that being a make-up artist isn't something suitable for a boy as a job. So I was forced to study something I didn't like...

After one semester, I served in the Army, and after finishing mine, Haru was sent... 

We hadn't seen each other for a very long time, about 6 years... and we'd been in contact through phone calls and texts only... 

Because our places were too far apart... 

And we were busy as hell... 

Every time he was drunk, he'd call me and kept repeating one thing, "I miss you, Myu Myu~... My Myung~..."...

I had missed him too... I was having a hard time during my university days... 

It wasn't possible for me to tell him or involve him... 

I suppressed all my feelings...

My parents had so many arguments those days... My dad was struggling with money issues... 

So I took a part-time job too...

My grades were awful, unlike my high school days... because I hadn't had the time to study...

Shiwoo's little brother was diagnosed with cancer out of the blue, which shocked us horribly... 

Since Shiwoo was studying in another city at that time and his parents were busy working, they pleaded me to stay by his side until he get better...So, I helped them to take care of him during his chemotherapy Since he was like a younger brother to me...

Thankfully, he beat cancer after tolerating so much pain... It was really hard for me to see him suffering from pain, losing weight and his hair, getting disappointed day by day... 

I tried my best to show him my positive vibes around him in order to give him hope to fight with it... 

But in those days, everything was mentally exhausting for me... 

As a youngster, I've been through a lot of those days.

 ~

Positively I found a friend at university. His name was Taemin, and he has pale skin, light brown round eyes, dark ginger hair, a slim body, and is a bit taller than me... 

He's a little shy and introverted like me, but also kindhearted and compassionate... But pretty unlucky with romantic relationships... 

Most of the time, he's gotten cheated on or ghosted by his exes... 

Although I've never been in any relationship, he'd get bits of advice from me every time he was in one... But none of it worked, so he's stuck with me as his only relationship coach! And that was how we got close to each other... we kept talking about our unfortunate things... 

       

~

When I got a grip on myself, I was already 24 years old... recently graduated... still unemployed... nothing significant... All I did was survive the hell that I've been in... 

~

I saw Haru again for the first time in 6 years at Shiwoo's wedding... 

Shiwoo met his wife on a blind date set up by one of his friends... 

After dating for 2 years, when Shiwoo graduated and took family business management, they decided to get married...

So our reunion was destined to be there... 

As soon as he saw me, he hugged me so hard that it was hard to move an inch...  

Upon restraining myself in his arms, I thought, "Gosh... I've missed the warmth... the high energy that takes my breath away......"... 

After greeting the other guests... when we sat down, he started to talk nonstop about what he's been up to... 

He had changed a lot... he became taller and more masculine... his wavy frizzy hair was straightened... and also, he became more stylish... 

He told me that he found a girl who's pretty similar to me... her smile... her face... also, her personality is calm and shy like me... 

He said this time he was serious about her, so he cut ties with other girls... 

Also, he'd had plans to marry her when he found a suitable job... 

Because his current position at the company wasn't good enough... and his salary was too low... 

He even applied to a few job interviews but got rejected... 

He was quite disappointed that he had lost his opportunities... and then I said, " You didn't miss out on your opportunities. They're the ones who lost you... Your social skills are extraordinary, and I'm sure soon you'll become the most successful sales assistant... because it's in your nature to make connections with people and persuade them easily... So believe in yourself and be confident... then you'll get the best results..."... 

+ "Your presence always makes me calm and puts my mind at ease, which is why I like you... you're like my safe place... thanks." Put his hands on mine...

- "Don't mention it, that's what friends do... " I pulled my hands off his...

+ "Tell me about yourself... What have you been doing?..." 

- "Nothing much... just living, I guess... haha... "... 

+ "How are your parents? I miss them too... "

- "They're fine... You should stop by someday... they'll be happy... "

+ "Any girlfriend?..."

- "Nope, you know I'm not into relationships..."

.

.

.

Our conversation continued for a while...

Mostly, I was the listener... 

For some reason, I became silent. I had such complicated feelings... 

So many things have rushed into my mind that it was hard to express... 

From the moment I saw him, I felt like a piece of paper that kept crumbling in his hands... 

There were so many questions I wanted to ask... 

But blurting them out would've made me a fool... 

Actually, I hadn't expected this...

Why would you date and marry a girl who looks like me?... 

Isn't this weird?... 

I thought we had a special connection between us...

Was I hallucinating this whole time?

It's not like I'm in love with you either...

But why do I feel hurt?...

While I was trying so desperately to stay alive and endure my pains in life, you've been having fun with your girl... 

I knew from the start that I shouldn't take your actions seriously...

However, I always delude myself by overthinking...

What do I really expect from you?...

You've been well these years without me, and that's a normal thing...

So I should be happy for you... 

That's the right thing to do...

I'm a terrible person for feeling this way... 

This is what people call jealousy, right?