I opened my eyes, responding to his low voice... 

I muttered while rubbing my eyes, "You're back..."... 

He took my hand and pulled me towards himself. "You're covered in sweat... let me help you take a shower, and then eat your lunch..."... 

"What?!... No... I can shower alone..." I answered anxiously and pushed him away... 

As I got up rashly, the dizziness made me stumble. Haru grabbed me in an instant, "You know you're so stubborn, right?... don't worry, I don't bite..."... then held me in his arms and dragged me straight to the bathroom and took off my clothes... 

While he was washing me, I didn't know if it was my fever or something else, but my body was super sensitive at the time. Each touch would have burned my skin... I felt like my insides were flaring up, but somehow, I kept my cool. His hands were gentle yet firm enough to make me feel conscious. I could feel my fever slowly subsiding as he washed me.

I kept flinching uncontrollably every time he moved his fingers around my body. 

It was incredibly embarrassing. I could feel that my face was as red as a tomato. I tried to distract myself by counting backwards, "100, 99, 98~, 9~7..."

Then I saw Haru smiling, which irritated me somehow, and I groaned, "What the hell are you smiling for?..."... 

-"I like how you're defenceless now..."

+"huh! So what?..."

"You're like a blank sheet to doodle into... bite you everywhere until you get bruises and red marks... especially your ni... ehm!"... He paused awkwardly...

In a second, my soul left my body and returned again... 

The way he looked at me in that moment, I felt like prey to get eaten by him... 

He literally said a few minutes ago that he wouldn't bite... 

+"Don't talk like a creep!... It's gross." Stealing my gaze.

He looked at me with a mischievous glint in his eye and said, "Then why does your expression say something else?... With those blushing cheeks... hm?..."

I punched him lightly into his stomach, avoiding eye contact. "Stop mocking me, you pervert~~..."

-"hahaha... you're no fun seriously~..."

+"Hurry... Do your job properly!... I'm starving!..."

- "Yes, Sir!" He grins.

I could feel my heart beating so fast that it might leap out of my mouth in no time. It seemed like I was about to lose my mind at any moment...

Was I getting his weirdness by spending more time with him?!... 

Unintentionally, I was drawing into him day by day...

I was dressed, and Haru gave me a bowl of porridge that he had bought for me. The porridge was warm and comforting. With each spoonful, I felt my fever slowly recede and my strength returned. 

 ~

After that, we were just chilling on the couch. Haru's head rested on my shoulder, playing with his phone while I was reading a book.

I was much better than yesterday until Taemin called me at that moment. I picked up the call, and we talked for a while. As I hung up, Haru asked, "Who was that?..."

+"Taemin, my college friend, remember?.."

-"Hm... You two must be close... You have been talking to him for a long time... "

+"Well, yeah... he's such a nice guy~~"... 

-"Why are you smiling so brightly?..."

+"What?!... "... 

Why is he sulking?!...

-"have you ever realised that whenever you're talking or texting to him, you always have a smile on your face?..."

+"I haven't noticed... what's wrong with it?!..."

-"Why don't you smile to me like that?..." 

+"I don't get it... I smile and laugh whenever I'm with you too..."... 

-"It's different..."...

His expression was gloomy and annoyed.

+"Why are you making a fuss so suddenly?"

While we were still discussing, Taemin texted me a few times, and notifications kept popping up.

Ding... Ding... Ding...

He snatched my phone out of my hand aggressively and put it away behind his back...

Then he grabbed my face and asked as he glared at me with his fierce eyes and frowned eyebrows, "Do you even like me?..."

+"What kind of question is that?... 

If I didn't like you, do you think I would've been here?... "

-"I'm not sure... You've never shown anything."

+"Huh?!... let go of my face..."

I grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand down... +"What do you mean?!... What should I have done?... Of course I care about you as my friend!"

-"Our feelings aren't the same... (sigh)

I'm tired. I'm gonna take a nap... Don't make any noise..." He said this and walked away...

+" What the?!Why are you sulking?... "

I was ignored, and he headed to the bedroom. I added, "Fine, I'll leave then since you need rest."

I didn't have enough energy to argue.

As I got up and started to grab my things, Haru returned to me and grasped my wrist firmly. 

"Ack!... Hey~... Let go of me!... " I tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let go. 

He pulled me to the bedroom and then threw me on the bed. He looked at me with a serious expression and said, "Stay with me tonight... " 

And lay down next to me...

+"Tomorrow is Saturday... Also my parents are worried since I'm sick... I should get back..."

His sudden aggressive attitude was obviously because he was mad at me. But I couldn't figure out the reason. Is he jealous or tired?... I don't know...

Though there's nothing to be jealous of... 

-"I'm not letting you leave ... let's rest today together and we can go out on a date with Heejin tomorrow...and after that we'll go to meet your parents..."

+"Who's Heejin?..."

-"The girl I'm currently dating..."

+"Wasn't her name Mina or something? Why would I go out on a date with you two?!... I bet she doesn't like a third-wheel ruining her date... "

-"I broke up with her... And why not?... it'll be fun... Also, she actually wants to see you... "

+"Woah!... You're such a douchebag, you know?... I haven't had one yet, and you're changing them like your clothes... "

-"I know... Even though I only date the ones who are looking for just fun like myself... 

Andddd... You're still single because you're pure like an angel~~... no one should touch you... I won't let them..."

Then he stroked my hair while smiling... 

+"Shut up!!!... You blabber nonsense too much!... What were we even discussing in the first place?!... I forgot."

He cuddled me into his arms and said, "Nothing, let's sleep all day long..."... 

I could feel his heart pounding fast while I was in his arms. I'm getting used to his warm embrace and his heartbeat rhythm, making me calm. Maybe this was simply because I've never had anyone rather than Haru hold me in their arms up to this day. 

I closed my eyes as I was thinking about how lonely I actually am. 

Not having anyone to love me or show me the affection that humans naturally crave. 

Even the simplest things like these are out of my reach, and this fact hurts so deeply. 

I'm like a weird side character in a novel that no one cares about their existence. Boring, depressed, ignored, nothing significant... 

I gripped Haru's shirt and smirked.

"Who would've possibly liked someone like me?!... This is why I shouldn't expect anything from you or your words... I can't believe you..." I mumbled while he was in deep sleep. 

 ~

Although I haven't had much experience with people, friends, or dating... It may have been hallucination, but I could feel that he treated me differently... 

It could be a whim or lust for him... 

My relationship with Haru has never been normal in the first place... 

We're friends... But it's different... 

There is something specific more than just close friends... 

I'm sure he's not gay... nor am I... Even though there is a degree of intimacy between us , sometimes I'm attracted to him unknowingly.

Plus, I don't really care about these kinds of titles... I've always followed my inner intuition in every situation.

Oftentimes, I feel trapped in his hands... unknowingly get surrendered by his desires, feeling like he's just playing me...

Also, my brain is on alert whenever I'm with Haru, and my heart is acting weird, too...

I know that he's special to me. I've never felt this way before about my other friends. While I can be quite stubborn when it comes to others, he always has the upper hand. As a result, I voluntarily let him win over me unconsciously.

Actually I'm afraid of him sometimes because he knows how to control me.

Haru has dominant power whenever it comes to his relationships... 

I've always seen girls getting their feelings hurt by him, crying and begging him to love them or be with them. But he would put them aside easily as if he didn't have a heart. He simply enjoys having fun with others until he gets tired.

Since his first priority is himself, he can cut off others at any time... 

Everyone looks like a tool or an object to him...

His mentality is strong...

I still remember how he ignored me for months when we were high-schoolers... That rainy day when he hung up the phone on me...

This is why I've tried so hard these years not to get attached to him so much...

I can't let him get into me or give him what he wants... 

If I ever allow him, I'm going to get hurt definitely... 

I'm sorry, Haru, but I won't lose to you...

I'm not strong enough to take heartbreak from someone I've known for so many years...

Right now, you're my only safe place, and I don't want to destroy it...

I can't handle it...