Moses felt a firm sensation in his face as he woke up, finding himself surrounded by Mal’s chest. His throat was dry and sore, and his eyes felt puffy from crying. Mal stirred as he did, mumbling sleepily to himself. It was honestly adorable to him.

“G’mornin’,” Mal’s voice sounded gravelly from sleep.

“Hey.”

“So…”

Moses could tell he was trying to break up the awkwardness between them, but what could be done? What could be said? Moses wished he could take it all back. Stupid. You’re stupid, that’s why you keep fucking up. Why the hell are you like this? Moses tried to push his thoughts down, sitting up in the bed and breaking their contact. Maybe it’s better if we’re not this close. Then he doesn’t have to see all this or be hurt by it.

“I should get up.”

Mal nodded, not disagreeing. Why did this bother Moses? He felt the sinking in his chest he had felt when Mal left for work the night before. Why did this get to him so much? Moses tried to shrug it off again, getting up from the bed and combing his fingers through his unruly hair.

“Ever heard of a hair brush?”

“Fuck off.”

“Not a morning person?”

“What do you think, jackass?”

“Y’know, every time I think I’m gettin’ anywhere with you, it’s immediately back to square one and you’re a grouch again.”

“Have you ever considered the possibility that you’re just annoying?”

“Annoyingly hot, maybe.”

Moses chucked a pillow at him, and Mal retaliated by getting up and picking him up fireman-style off the ground.

“Put me down!!!”

“Not a chance.”

“Fuck you!”

“When?”

“This right here,” Moses gestured, “this is what I’m really gettin’ tired of.”

Mal let out an incredulous scoff, setting Moses on his bed. Moses looked better today, at least. Yesterday scared the hell out of both of them, and Mal knew Moses was probably trying to play it off, and in all honesty, he’d probably have done the same. This didn’t stop the gut feeling he had, eating away at him like everything was doomed. Moses traced the floral pattern in the blue bedspread.

“Dean and Teeran are probably expecting us to get up.”

“Are you ready to deal with ‘em after last night?”

“Hell no. What choice do I have?”

“Good point.”

“I’m sorry about all this.”

Mal furrowed a brow.

“No apologizing allowed! Not today. Unless you actually do somethin’, which you haven’t, by the way.”

“I yelled at you.”

“Not really, I was being an ass. On purpose.”

Moses got up and leaned against Mal, wrapping his arms around him. Mal reciprocated the gesture, stroking his hair, taking in the sensation of his silhouette.

“Everything is fucked up.”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry.”

“What did I just say about apologizing?”

 “Don’t?”

“Unless you’ve actually done something wrong, which you haven’t.”

Mal rubbed the small of his back.

“Can you be there? When I talk to him? I don’t wanna be by myself right now…”

“If that’s what you need.”

What Moses needed. He’d known things that other people typically needed. Stability. A loving family. A roof over your head. A good job. He’d received maybe one of those things in his life, if that. Always being carted back and forth between any relative that would take him, never knowing quite where he’d end up. That’s how he ended up here, after all, lest he forget. He could not suddenly be fixed by all of this, not now. Not after all he’d been through, all he’d seen his father do, and now somehow they were all supposed to be a happy family? Living with the same man who had forgotten to feed him some nights or made him lie to social services or buy him weed when he was barely old enough to read. When he’d just finished living with the woman who never let him have the freedom to even have an identity or any kind of autonomy over himself. He was 17 and had never even gotten his first job. Not to mention the fact that he hadn’t even gotten his learner’s permit, much less his license, because he was deemed “too careless to drive”, despite all of his friends having theirs. Moses had decided a long time ago that he couldn’t afford needs. He was alive not because he was wanted, but because of a blip in the system. He pulled away from Mal, crossing his arms, trying to keep all those emotions from spilling out.

“We should go out there.”

“Are you sure you’re ready? We can always stay back and wait a minute-”

“Let’s go before I lose my nerve.”

The boys headed to the kitchen, and Moses couldn’t help but feel apprehension in his wake. What was gonna happen next? How would this solve anything? Teeran was sitting at the counter, Dean was leaning against one of the drawers.

“Hey.”

Dean nodded, acknowledging them. Teeran replied a greeting meekly. Mal sat in the seat next to him at the counter, gesturing to Moses to join him. He hesitated, looking at his father. He had a dark murk to his eyes, as if overcome by great sadness, and his expression was sour. He knew that face all too well, like when he would get into fights with the women he’d bring around to their apartment, or when he’d lose a job, or when the bills came in. Dean folded his arms into his chest.

“I wanna start off by saying,” he murmured, barely loud enough to hear, “that we are not trying to punish you. This is….not us trying to ruin your life or be unfair. But you need help. Just like I did. Just like…”

His voice trailed off, and he looked at the ground as if glancing anywhere else would blind him.

“I know how things used to be. I know…I wasn’t always there for you, and I’m sorry. But I’m here now. And I’m gonna help you.”

He gestured to Teeran and Mal.

“All of us are here for you. With whatever you need.”

Moses scrunched his eyebrows. How could he respond? How did he feel? He wanted to believe Dean. So badly. But how could he when no one had been there for the other 17 years of his life? Not in the ways it was truly important.

“I don’t know what I need, dad!”

“Well maybe it’s jus-”

“STOP IT! Stop trying to be the good guy! Stop trying to act like you’re suddenly this amazing fucking person! You GAVE ME UP! YOU MADE ME LIE FOR YOU! YOU MADE ME BUY FOR YOU!! I didn’t ask to be born. I didn’t ask for this shitty fucking life!”

Teeran’s face went pale, his mouth becoming a thin line. He looked like he was caught between two sides, and Moses was sure he was.

“And what’s more,” he pointed at Teeran, “you somehow got this sweet man into the middle of all this shit! He didn’t ask to look after a kid that’s not his! I’m sure he doesn’t even like me! I’m sure you all hate me!! No one wants me. No one ever wanted me…”

“That’s not true,” Teeran sobbed, “that’s not true at all, sweetie!”

He got up, running to Moses and holding him tightly.

“I know how hurt you are, how ANGRY you are. Listen to me: you are ALLOWED to be angry. What happened to you was NOT fair. I know that. Your father knows that. When I found out you were coming into our lives, I was so happy.”

Moses slumped in his arms, feeling his knees go weak. Teeran grabbed his hand, leading him to a chair.

“Sit down, hon.”

Moses sat in silence for a bit, Teeran holding both his hands across from him.

“You know,” Teeran said, after a while, “I always wanted to be a parent. I’d never gotten the chance to have a family of my own.”

He smiled sadly at the boy.

“Do you want to be my dad?”

“More than anything, if you’ll let me, of course.”

“Are ya sure, I’m kinda a piece of shit.”

“I don’t believe that for a second,” Teeran smirked, “That joker over there is a bonehead and he has some serious fuckin’ work to do to get better. I’ll sort him out, so don’t you worry about that.”

“I don’t wanna live like this anymore.”

“I know. I’m gonna help you, but I need you to do something that’s gonna be really scary at first. I need you to trust me. I need you to put faith in those around you that they’re gonna keep up their end of the bargain.”

“I don’t know if I can, but I’ll try.”

“That’s all I need. I just need you to try.”