Diana's POV: (Present time)

Today, my dearest friend, Ashley, is getting married.

Ashley and I've known each other for about 15 years already, and as far as I remember, I've always been into her. Wanting to protect and take care of her at any cost.

First, I wasn't aware of my feelings for her. However, as we hit 15, I realized that she's not just a friend to me. I'm attracted to her more than that, but I couldn't accept the fact that I like her easily.

For about a year, I was stuck in a state of denial since I had a boyfriend at that time, and I was okay with him. As time passed and I kept investigating my identity and digging into my feelings, I had accepted that I'm possibly bisexual in the end.

Although me accepting my own preferences or my love for her hasn't had anything to do with getting into a romantic relationship with her, since Ashley is straight as hell, always having those kinds of dreams to get married to her prince charming.

So I'd have made an idiot of myself by confessing to her. Calculating things and being logical is my favourite thing to do, and I don't like investing in things I know the outcome will be. Even if that problem is love, I prefer to use my brain instead of my heart.

~

And here we are standing at her ceremony, watching Ashley walk down the aisle while her father holds her hand.

As I was watching her approaching the groom named Sam, my heart started to feel empty inside.

This scene was a bit harder than I expected, even though I imagined and trained my mind hundreds of times before to get my heart ready for this upcoming damage. There is no denying that reality always hits us differently.

Ashley and Sam read their vows and exchanged rings after that. The look in their eyes and the emotions in the air were palpable as they kissed. I could feel a lump in my throat watching them, yet I hoped that they would be happy together.

I should send Ashley to her new phase of life with best wishes. And that's all I wanted then as her true friend.

~

As soon as the main event was over, everyone was busy eating while moving their bodies to the rhythm slowly as the music was in the air in that big yard decorated with thousands of white flowers and green leaves. The wedding yard was a beautiful sight to behold, with lush green grass and a multitude of white flowers in full bloom. The air was filled with the scent of roses and other fragrant flowers, and a soft breeze stirred the gently swaying branches of the trees. There were tables and chairs dotted around for guests to sit and socialise, and a dancefloor had been set up in the centre of the yard. The evening was illuminated by twinkling fairy lights and candles, creating a romantic atmosphere.

~

I walked past the guests and stood up somewhere that gave me some space to be alone. Grabbed my cigarette out of my sparkling black bag, which Ashley had me buy, although I didn't like it. I lit my cigarette hanging between my lips with my silver lighter while watching them from afar.

As I blew smoke out of my mouth, I noticed the sound of someone sniffling nearby. My attention was drawn to the sound I heard, so I turned my head to the right side. It was Lily in her Long-Sleeve Square-Neck Plain pink Maxi, Ashley's neighbour when she was still at her parents' house. My eyes were locked on her teary eyes as if she had seen through my mind. "Why are you crying?..." I said.

She muttered while sobbing, "You like her, don't you?..." She stared at me for an answer.

I was taken aback by her sudden question. I wondered, was I that obvious? How the hell she found out?!. "Fuck~..." I mumbled out of frustration. I've wanted to take my little secret to the grave!

When I was lost in my thoughts, Lily held my hand and said while crying, " What should we do?~... waaaah~..."

I got panicked as she was crying nonstop. People's attention was drawn to us, so I grasped her wrist after putting my cigarette out and dragged her out of there immediately. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?!... are you insane?!..." I grumbled.

She kept repeating while following me obediently. "I'm ~... (hic)... Sorry~... (Sobbing)... Sorry~..."

I took her to the bathroom and pushed her against the wall. Then I held her shoulders and sighed, "Do you wanna make fools of us in front of 200 people?!... It's not a funeral, you know?..."

Lily kept whipping her tears, trying to stop herself while still sobbing like a child who got scolded by her parents, "I'm sorry~... It's just~... when I saw your sad face, I couldn't hold my tears back~~... It must have been so hard for you~~..."

I stared at her, thinking, why would she cry instead of me?... You don't even know me... we just met a few times since Ashley announced her engagement 6 months ago.

Her sad gaze fixed on me with blue ocean-clear eyes as if she were trying to sneak into my heart by pitying me. That was the first time I'd ever looked at her from such a close distance and actually noticed her facial features. I don't know the reason, but I felt overwhelmed and uncomfortable by the way she was looking at me then. So I covered her eyes with my palm, "I'm fine and I don't need your pity... get a hold of yourself..." 

As Lily remained still in my grasp, she replied, "It's not pity~... It's empathy since I've experienced one-sided love like you." 

I took a deep breath, trying to figure out the situation. "If you wanna do me a favour, please just stop crying because I'm better this way."

I don't know how to console or calm a crying person... Logically, I'm the one who's supposed to cry all the way through, and she should be consoling me, but our roles have changed ironically. 

I ran my hand through my hair out of frustration and took some wet tissues out of my bag. Whipping her messed-up makeup, "Damn!...You look like a panda with this black mascara smudged under your eyes. Let's clean it, and I'll fix your makeup again." 

As Lily finally giggled, I grinned and added, "This situation is incredibly ridiculous! You know, right?!..."

She remained silent while her cheeks were blushed out of embarrassment. After I was done cleaning her face, I started doing her makeup pretty quickly because I was starving to death. 

A few minutes later, her makeup was done, and the only thing needed was lipstick. As I put a red lipstick on her, I noticed that one side of her bottom lips is out of line so unconsciously, out of my old habit, I licked my thumb and rubbed it against her lips to correct my line. 

Lily flinched, her eyes wide-opened. "Did you just use your saliva?..." 

"I~... I'm so sorry~... bad habits!..." I laughed nervously. "Let's go grab something to eat!..." 

Pulling her out of the bathroom while holding her hand, she answered, "Okay~..."

~

When the wedding was over, it had already passed midnight. I hugged Ashley and said goodbye, then headed back to my car. As I got into the car, I noticed Lily was standing beside the exit door. She kept peeking at her phone while looking around nervously. I drove and stopped in front of her. "How would you get back home?!..." 

-"I'm looking for a taxi..."

+"Get in... It's not easy to get one here at this hour..." 

-"It's okay, I'll find~... I don't want to bother you~"

+"Hop in!..."

As I glared at her intensively, she opened the door and got in. And I started driving again.

-"Thank you genuinely..." 

+"I can't let you be in the headlines tomorrow morning, murdered by some crazy serial killer as I'm drinking my coffee..." 

-"Wo...ah~... hehe~..." 

Lily was bewildered and played with the strap of her bag. I guess I scared her with my harsh comment. I added, "Just kidding..." It wasn't, but I should've calmed her down. 

She forced a smile and said, "I apologize again for my earlier behaviour. I acted repulsively." 

+"Don't mention it... However I want you to keep this between us... Don't tell anyone, okay?..."

-"I know~... I won't tell anyone~... I swear!!!!..."

I sighed...

+"How did you find out anyway?... No one had ever noticed until now."

-"My gut feelings, I guess..." 

+"hmm~... you must be quick-witted then... But didn't it bother you?... You know, a girl likes another girl..."

-"Ah~... Not really... love is love..."

Lily remained silent, so I glanced at her and noticed she was trying to say something but holding herself back. I said, "Just say what you wanna say..."

-"I know you don't like me since you've always ignored me whenever I was around~..." she clenched her fists and continued, " But my attention has always drawn to you... I~... "

What is this anxious feeling?... 

She kept chasing me around these 6 months!...

Don't tell me she's going to confess to me or something!...

What a bad timing she has! She should know I'd reject her... I should stop her, so I cut her words, "Lily, it's not the ri~..." 

She continued loudly, "I want us to be friends!!!... You're my role model!!!... " 

I was dazed for a minute... Glad I didn't embarrass myself in front of her!!... 

She stared at me with hope-filled eyes, "Can we?..." 

I sighed, "Well~... Fine by me..." 

Lily suddenly got energetic, jumped a bit on her seat, and asked excitedly, "Then, would you give me your number?!!..."

+"That's a must now as we have decided to become friends..."

She smiled ear to ear and mumbled, "Yes!..."

In fact, it's true that I haven't liked her at all from the first time I saw her. However, I can't be an ass rejecting her while her eyes were sparkling when she said that I was her model... 

In addition, I don't know what she would do if I rejected her. It's possible she would expose my pitiful love life to everyone. I don't want that to happen!

I unlocked my phone and gave it to her to exchange numbers. I took out another cigarette and asked, "Is it okay for you if I smoke one?... I couldn't finish it then..." 

-"Yeah... " She placed my phone back and turned on the music, Leaning her head on the window while humming with the song... 

I watched her for a moment, her face illuminated by the street lights. It made me wonder what she was thinking. She was crying not long ago, and now she's all happy and smiling... 

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, feeling a strange calmness from within. I put out the cigarette, and we drove silently the rest of the way.

~

I dropped Lily off in front of her house and drove to the apartment where I lived. 

The moment I reached home, I rushed straight to the bathroom and turned on the shower... I let the hot water run over me, washing away the stress of the day. I felt my body and mind finally relax as I stood in the shower. Today was like surviving a tsunami for me. 

When I was done, I put on my pajamas and grabbed my phone while crawling into bed. 

As I lay down, I saw Lily's text notification: "Thanks for driving me home...I'll be in contact with you from now on!... Let's meet each other soon, my friend. ♡♡..."

I texted back: "Ok... GN..."

I put my phone aside and rolled over, and shoved my face into the pillow. I was heartbroken but couldn't shed a tear. Everything seemed unrealistic to me. My heart was brimming over with my feelings. 

Suddenly, a thought came into me, "A role mode?!... Why should I be her role model?... I'm not some kind of popular person... That girl, Lily, is indeed hard to read..."

As I struggled with my thoughts for a while, eventually I fell asleep.