I was at home as usual, lying down on my bed and putting my headphones on since my parents were fighting again. I just couldn't tolerate their loud voices and the intensity in the living room, so that was how I ended up locking myself in my room.

Wish it'd be over soon...

As I listened to my sad playlist, and covered my eyes with my forearm, I felt tears slowly rolling down my cheeks...

After crying for a while, I opened the Instagram, and stared at the private Diana's profile. Wondering if I could follow her now that we met or not... To tell you the truth, I made a fake account last year to check her.

I know it's creepy, but we'd all do something crazy like that for once...

However, I'd like to follow her with my real account so that maybe she would also follow me back and chat together sometimes.

Even though I was hesitant to press the follow button, I did it in the end because I was extremely anxious. I tried to distract myself by scrolling through other pages but I could not help but feel my heart racing and my palms sweating. After what felt like an eternity, I finally saw the notification that she had accepted my follow up request. However, she didn't follow me back, which disappointed me immensely. 

"What a bittersweet moment!... Just as I assumed she wasn't interested in me at all..."

I quickly shut down my phone and took a few deep breaths. "It's okay... It'll be okay~... " I whispered to myself.

~

One month has passed quickly, and Ashley's engagement party finally came.

I wore a simple light blue short dress with silver high-heels and a silver mini hand bag and done a light make-up, with curly loose hair.

As I entered the party which was held in Ashley's family backyard, I saw Ashley was filled with excitement and joy as her family and friends gathered to celebrate.

The backyard was filled with decorations in Ashley's favorite colors, flowers and twinkling lights and a buffet table of food. Music was playing in the background, creating a joyful atmosphere. Guests were gathered, catching up with each other and laughing. Ashley and Sam were surrounded by their families, with everyone taking turns congratulating her and wishing her well. There was a sense of excitement and anticipation in the air.

I searched for Diana in the crowds, and found her standing beside Alex chatting with him, wearing a black 2 Piece Open Front Long Sleeve Blazer, white blouse underneath and Solid Short Pants Suit Set with Black Ribbon Jane Ballerina Flats.

I was surprised to see her dressed up. She usually dressed more casually.

I approached them quietly and said, "Hey~ everyone~..."

Alex said hello back to me first, and then Diana turned her head towards me, observing me with her unfazed expression. "Hi, Lily... You're late this time."

My heart skipped a beat as I heard what she said...

She noticed me!... She knew I wasn't here on time!... I answered shyly with a smile, "Yeah~... Getting ready took longer than I expected~... hehe~..."

She grinned and dropped her head down, staring at the Champaign in her hand. As I stared at her I realised that she was just trying to be polite towards me...

Then she took a sip from her glass and said, "Let's get you a drink!" And put her arm lightly on my back and led me to the table. I felt as if my back got electrified by her tender touch.

Diana handed me a glass of Champaign, "Here~". I looked at her and said, "Thanks!"...

She just gave me a grin and turned her attention to Ashley and Sam busy dancing. As her smile faded in a second, I got a weird feeling deep down in my heart.

I glanced at Ashley for a moment and then again, Diana... I knew something was off, but I couldn't put my finger on it...

"Why do I sense a sadness in Diana's eyes?...

Shouldn't she be happy?... 

Or is it because she's upset about being apart from her best friend?... 

But her expression shows something different... 

something more than that which I can't get... 

Her eyes are filled with affection yet sorrow... 

Diana is indeed a complicated person..."

I asked her, "Em~... Won't you dance?!..."

-"Nah... It's not my cup of tea."

+"Ah~... Sorry, my question was stupid..." I grinned awkwardly.

-"Why would it be stupid when you don't know my taste?..."

+"Eh!... Em~... I'm sorryyy~..." As I was bewildered, I started to act like an idiot again.

Diana glared at me for a few seconds and sighed, "I'm just saying you don't have to apologise unnecessarily~... You can join Alex since he's dancing alone." she tapped on my shoulder and continued, "I'm going for a smoke" then left.

I felt like I had made her annoyed somehow. I watched her walk away, feeling dejected. 

"I didn't mean I wanted to dance... I was trying to start a conversation, but I think she doesn't enjoy talking to a stupid girl like me~... "... I dropped my head and stared at the grass under my feet.

Everyone was immersed in joy, chatting and laughing, but watching them while I was standing alone there made me suffocate. I walked inside and sat on the sofa, didn't know what to do. I've had no one to talk to...

After a few minutes, I heard a familiar voice behind me. "Why are you sitting here alone?"

As I turned over, I saw Diana approaching me. I replied awkwardly, "I don't know anyone here... so~..." and lowered my head out of shame. 

Diana sat next to me and remained silent. I looked at her, sitting close to me playing with her phone as if she didn't want me to be left alone, but also didn't know how to communicate with someone like me. I was grateful and happy, even though it was out of pity, and we didn't really say a word. 

Just her presence was enough for me since I knew she didn't like me to be around her... 

I could hear the music and people's voices coming from the backyard and feel the smell of tobacco and the nutty fragrance coming from her. The living room was a bit dark and quiet since there was no one around us. I got on edge being alone with her, so I broke the silence nervously and said, "I heard from Ashley that you two have been friends since you were seven..." 

-"Well~ yeah... It was the first day of school and our seats were arranged next to each other so naturally we became close." 

+"You guys are so lucky to have been best friends for so many years..." 

-"I'm not sure about that..." 

I flinched as she said that. What did she mean?...

+"Huh?" 

She smiled at me and asked, "Nothing... Don't you have one?..." 

+"I don't~" I felt my heart sink as I said it.

-"How?!... Were you an outcast?... What about college friends?..."

+"I~... Em~... " My fists were clenched as I became frustrated thinking about my tough times. 

As I hesitated to speak, Diana lifted her head to look at me, and her lips moved slightly to say something. However, Alex interrupted us, "Girls, come over here... It's time for dinner~" 

After dinner and a bit of dancing, everyone parted ways and headed home in the end, so we didn't really have time to talk more.

~

[Three months before Ashley's wedding, late November]

The day I found out that Diana had feelings for Ashley was when Sam and Ashley asked us to tag along and help to pick out a wedding dress for our future bride one afternoon. 

As we waited for Ashley to try her dress out, everything seemed normal. However, when Ashley appeared on the platform, and Sam walked to her while praising her dress, I glanced at Diana for a moment, and my gaze froze on her face. 

The way Diana looked at Ashley was as if she was her bride and not Sam's. Her eyes were filled with strong longing, infinite regrets, and jealousy. 

I felt like someone had poured a bucket of cold water on my whole body out of the blue. I was taken aback by her expression, and a sudden sadness rushed into my heart. 

My hands were trembling slightly as I tried to hide my overwhelming feelings. I turned my look away‌ and approached Ashley anxiously, "You look gorgeous in this dress~" 

Sam said, "I know, right?!!!... This is perfect Ashley!"

Ashley turned in a circle excitedly and asked, "Am I pretty?!~..." 

Sam and I said yes at the same time while nodding. Then she glanced at Diana and said, "How is it, Dee?~..." 

I looked back to see Diana with bated breath. Diana answered with her usual expression and a smile, "It's perfect, Ash... You're beautiful in this dress."

I thought that she must've had such a strong mentality to control her facial expressions and emotions as she'd witnessed all of these so far while she might've been crying deep inside. 

Once again, I was impressed by her... She's so different from someone like me... 

I never could imagine what it would be like to watch someone I love marry someone else... 

I don't think I can handle something like that at all...

Once I lost someone I liked one-sidedly, it led me literally to the edge of insanity which is why I'm in a terrible state right now...

Afterward, we headed to a restaurant to have dinner together. We talked about their wedding and the plans that they've had for their honeymoon while we were eating. I was anxiously uncomfortable sitting there and witnessing Ashley and Sam be lovey-dovey in front of Diana. 

I couldn't touch my dish since the mood had been unbearable for me. Maybe I was exaggerating by my overthinking, but I couldn't stop myself from feeling sorry for Diana... 

As all my attention was on her during our dinner, she suddenly leaned close to me and whispered, "I'm sorry, but can you stop staring at me?..."

I got pretty embarrassed, and my cheeks blushed, "Oh~~... I'm truly sorry~..." averted my gaze. 

She muttered, "Thanks"

When dinner was over, we headed to the parking lot. Ashley told Diana, "I'm gonna stay with Sam tonight... So our destination is completely in the opposite direction. Can you take Lily home?..."

Diana seemed frustrated with the request, so I interrupted, "I can take a cab!..." 

Ashley said, " Nope... She'll take you." And glanced at Diana in anticipation. 

Diana replied coldly, "I'll take you home..."

Ashley hugged her and added, "Good girl..."

Diana pulled away from the hug and said goodbye to Ashley and Sam. Then she looked at me, "Let's go Lily"... 

Aside from thanking and farewelling them, I followed Diana right away... We both walked to the car. As I got in, I waved goodbye to Ashley and Sam one last time. Diana started the car, and we drove off...

The silence in the car was awkward as hell, which made me unable to breathe normally. I rolled down the window to catch fresh air a bit even though the breeze was chilling. I shivered as my clothes were not enough to fight against the cold. 

Diana glanced at me with a puzzled face and asked, "Why would you roll down the window when you're cold?!... You'll get sick!" 

"I needed fresh air~..." I replied.

She let out a deep breath and reached her right hand to the back seat to grab a black cotton jacket, then handed it to me. "At least wear this..." 

After thanking her, I wore her jacket, which was oversized for me, and I could feel her unique scent on it... Wearing her clothes at that moment was heartwarming to me as if she embraced me, herself... I was comforted by that idea, even though she was not actually doing it. 

When we arrived in front of my home, I got out of the car and said, "Thanks for giving me a ride~... Drive safely back~..." 

She answered, "Don't mention it... Goodnight Lily..." then drove away. 

As I walked into my room and began to take my clothes off, I suddenly remembered that I hadn't given her jacket back!...

And it was left in my room for such a long time~...