"Mine turn to ask questions," Lucas replied softly, "Are you interested in being a dominant now that you know what it is?"

Dakota considered his question for a moment.

"I'm curious," Dakota replied, "And I trust that you know me better than I do, right now."

Lucas smiled a bit at that, then frowned again.

"Why are you not looking for a relationship? Are you too afraid to come out? Are you too busy, or something?" he asked, looking at Dakota, "It's painful all of these hot-and-cold actions you are throwing at me. I get that you are just a nice person but- 'just nice' people don't also get jealous like that."

"I-" Dakota's words got stuck in his throat. He didn't want to talk about his past, but he did feel like he had to tell the truth. After all, Lucas always seemed to be honest with him when he asked. "Well, I just- I don't really want to say. It's a difficult thing to talk about. I just can't be in a relationship. It's painful."

Lucas stared at him, tilting his head. He grabbed Dakota's hand lightly and led Dakota off the walkway to the doorway of a stranger's house. Dakota was curious as to what they were doing, hiding in the shadow of a doorway.

"You're scared," Lucas replied, touching Dakota's chest. There, within his chest, he knew his heart was beating quickly, "Aren't you?" Dakota was too frozen to back away. "I don't know why you would be scared of a relationship, but- I can see it. I can see the panic in your eyes. " Lucas reached up to brush his hand along Dakota's jaw. "You're panicking now. Relax, Koty. I'm not going to hurt you."

Dakota was, indeed, panicking.

"How- How can you read me so well?" he asked. Lucas gave him a concerned look meshed with a lopsided smile.

"As a prostitute, you got to know when your customers are pleased," Lucas replied, "Normally, they don't tell you straight out. I find out what they enjoy or hate by their expression." He looked up at Dakota, pulling the black-haired boy closer by the folds of his jacket. "What are you scared of, Koty?"

"I-" Dakota felt like crying. Lucas was too persuasive- one look by Lucas, and Dakota wanted to fold into his arms. He wanted to give in. "I can't-"

"You can," Lucas urged softly, caressing his cheek, "You don't need to be scared around me okay?" Lucas's other hand brought Dakota's hand up to his face. "I'm here for you, just like you were there for me."

Dakota still panicked. He always panicked. He couldn't handle a relationship- and he probably never will.

"I-" he repeated, then got heated. His sadness quickly morphed into unwanted anger, "It's none of your business!" He backed up from Lucas. Then he felt bad for yelling, so he lowered his voice. "I can't be with a guy. I just can't, okay? Even if I want you so bad, I just can't. I can't be controlled-"

Suddenly, Lucas grabbed the front of Dakota's shirt and- before Dakota could realize what was going on- slammed his lips onto Dakota's.

Dakota froze. He couldn't move as Lucas nipped his lip, as Lucas's soft lips melded with his. Lucas definitely wasn't his first kiss- but Lucas was his first kiss with a boy he liked.

And it was wonderful. 

After a few seconds, Dakota tested the water- moving his lips along with Lucas's. The twink pulled his head back for a few minuscule abstracts of breath before diving gracefully back in. Dakota's hand raised and caressed Lucas's cheek, feeling the soft warmth there.

Dakota never knew how much he liked being in control.

He never had got the chance before; not when he was on the streets. Despite not being the type to submit, he was forced onto his knees- pleasing any guy in the small gang who asked for it. He wasn't allowed to say no. He wasn't allowed to do it whenever. He wasn't allowed to enjoy it.

This time, he enjoyed it. He did all the things he used to dream of. He carved his fingers into Lucas's short hair. He pushed Lucas until his back hit the wall. He wrapped his arm around Lucas's waist.

He always expected his future lover would fight back- would hate being controlled as much as he used to.

But Lucas looked like he was basking in it- like a relaxed cat basking in the sun's glare on the floor. It urged Dakota to continue.

And when the kiss slowed and ended, Lucas looked up at him through his lashes. Dakota was proud of himself to see Lucas's hair a mess from Dakota's fingers. Dakota backed away from Lucas, afraid Lucas would get mad.

But in fact, he smiled.

He was beautiful. 

"I'm sorry," Dakota admitted, hoping Lucas's smile wouldn't fade.

"For what?" Lucas replied, "You just proved me right."

~{()}~

Dakota didn't know what was wrong with him.

It was night. He was supposed to be sleeping. But he wasn't. In fact, he was crying. He was angry at himself.

He didn't know why, or for what reason, but he needed to cry. He liked the kiss.

He liked the kiss. 

He didn't think he would ever like a kiss. Even with Lenore, he couldn't fully enjoy it. Maybe because she was a girl. 

His panick was worse with boys than with girls. So, even if he liked boys, he tried desperately to like girls to get away from the anxiety of sexual activities with a boy. It didn't work. He still really liked boys.

He really liked Lucas.

Another tear ran down his face.

Lucas really liked sex. Something Dakota was scared of- especially with a boy. Something he wasn't ready for. He liked the kiss but what about the future? Would he like that?

What if he was a disappointment?

That's what it really boiled down to, in Dakota's mind. He didn't want to disappoint his future partner with his reluctance, and he knew for sure that Lucas would be disappointed. 

He decided that the kisses- the everythings with Lucas had to stop.