Noah

“GO AWAY OKAY!” The words I hurled at Amel in rage echo unceasingly in my mind. He was hurt, I could see it and there’s this awful remorse piling up. I have to apologize to him.

Consequences, Noah

No! I don’t want to think about it. But the thoughts find a way to intrude even if I try to block them out. I want to break free from the shackles of my family’s restraint but I’m too weak. Weak. Why am I so weak?

“Noah?” Dalia cuts off my descent into loathing.

“Oh, I…” I didn’t notice it before. My body’s shaking and perspiring.

“I think we should cancel today’s plan and go beast hunting tomorrow,” Dalia places her hands on my shaky ones, “You don’t seem well.”

“No, no. It’s okay,” I try to sound firm, “Let’s go ahead with our plan.”

Dalia straightens herself, makes a weary face and exhales, “You know what? I think it’s best if we start tomorrow. We can’t be fighting with you in this state.” She flicks my forehead.

“Ouch.” I utter.

“I’m going to my room,” she grabs the door handle, “Good night.”

Before she leaves for good, she pops her head in through the door. “If you need anything, you can always ask me. Okay?”

“Mmm. Thanks and good night to you too.”

Sigh

It’s only 8:30 p.m. right now so I doubt I’ll fall asleep. I sit on the broad window-sill of my inn room’s window and observe the pedestrians. The darkness of the night is illuminated by street lights and I get a clear view of the streets. I watch a group of boys march in groups and banter. It reminds me of Amel. And of what- Of what I said to him and how I hurt him.

I can’t watch them anymore. The fresh memory is made all too severe. I don’t want to lie in bed either. I know where the places my idle mind will roam to and I know the terrible images it’d conjure up. Outside, there's no hills to go to. Inside, the lack of space suffocates me. I have nowhere to go and I don’t want to bother Dalia.

I sit down, take out a book and scribble. No use. Nothing can take my mind off the nagging thoughts. I pace in circles about the room with light steps, Unfold, and re-fold the blankets, tear pages from my book and crumble and juggle them, Tap on the table with my fingers. A wicked silence cloaks the room. My thoughts grow louder and louder. No, Don’t think about it. Don’t.

The clock ticks on and I toss and turn about in bed. I’ve been lying for about two hours now. I fear if I shut my eyes, I’ll have the dream again. The one with all the judgmental sneers on me. Thinking about my aunt’s words, it makes me distraught, but more than worry, I think I’m now frustrated at myself for being pathetic, And for allowing my family’s words to have monopoly over my entire being.

Consequences, consequences.

“Just shut up, will you? Just…” Tears trickle down my cheeks.

••••••••

I didn’t think I’d fall asleep, but I managed to, albeit a few hours only. But some rest is better than none. The nagging thoughts have crept up again. I don’t want to go on like this – Weak and unreliable. I’m not going to hold Dalia back today. I have to try If I don’t want to be stuck as dead weight.

I wash my face and stand in front of the mirror, combing my hair. I hope I don’t look too scraggy when Dalia sees me.

“Noah? Are you done?” Dalia inquires from outside the room.

“Just a minute!” Did I sound as nonchalant as I wanted?

Not holding back others today and no whining. I can do this. And I’m not gonna let my aunt or any of my family ruin what I have with Amel.

••••••••

Dalia and I are in Labyrinth. We’ve been informed that this particular labyrinth has tons of hidden passages, so we have to be cautious with our steps.

I can see the weariness in Dalia's gait. We should take a breather.

“Hey Dalia. You wanna rest?”

Her face lights up. “Yes!” She drops her gears, declines to the floor and heaves.

Without thought, I lean on the wall beside me. Before I manage to keep my equipment, The wall shutters and the ground around it tremors. A hidden passage!

“Noah!” Dalia shouts and reaches for my hand.

I make an attempt to leap but the surface beneath rifts, making me lose my footing and I plummet down the opening to a steep slope. As I trundle down, I see the rift close up which obscures my view of Dalia. My fall is stopped upon impact with a sturdy boulder. Fortunately, my backpack cushioned the collision, but my back still aches.

Darn it. I should have been mindful. This is bad. The beasts in Hidden Passages are vicious. The familiar trembling is back and my pulse throbs rapid. Calm down, Noah. You can’t afford to lose your head right now.

As I walk, I come across an intersection and choose the part which inclines upward after minutes of internal debate.

I’ve been walking for minutes. The path I chose opened up to a wider one, so there’s more room for me to move now, but the dangers of an ambush have also elevated.

Eeeeek!!!

An Insaniac Bestial arachnid. It hasn’t noticed me. I lurk past it with covert steps, hiding behind Mana-crystals and pray I avoid detection. The B.arachnid stirs without aim and I can see a distinct reflection of it on the Mana-crystals. A hideous beast – eight eyed and eight legged with grime all over its body and a putrid odor.

It's approaching the Mana-crystal I’m hiding behind!

“What do I do? Hope that it doesn’t notice me? Kill it when it comes close enough? Run?” My mind can’t come up with a way out. I clench my Mana-shortsword and keep a pull on the trigger of my Ceasium-chargegun. I can feel it’s presence. Some slimy substance droops down on my shoulder. I know what I’ll see if I look up.

Eight seconds of charging! I release the pull on my Ceasium-chargegun but miss the beast by a small margin.

Shit! I missed . I could’ve killed it. But I missed. I frigging missed.

Way to go, Noah!

I dash toward the path I came from. When I turn back, the B.arachnid’s nowhere to be seen. “Eeek!” From above. I sidestep and swing my Mana-shortsword which cuts through one of its legs and it gives out an ear-splitting screech. For a moment, I’m shaken.

The B.arachnid swipes with a razor sharp leg at my face. I raise my right arm and it grazes my shoulder all the way up to my knuckles and disarms my Mana-shortsword. “Aaaaargh” I shoot at it and manage to dismantle another leg. While it writhes in agony, I make a run for it, back to where I came from.

My right arm hurts, I lost my Mana-shortsword, this damn Ceasium-chargegun won’t past for long and the B.arachnid will catch up with me.

“Am I going to die here? Am I-” Tears drip down as I trudge. I’m crying. There’s a freaking B.arachnid trying to kill me and I’m crying. Hahaha. What am I even laughing for? My laughter turns to sobs. I stop upon reaching a body of water and stare at my reflection – A pathetic boy who’s gonna die in this cave. Noah Eumen, killed by a beast. At this point, I don’t know if I’m wailing or laughing.

“I’m sorry Vivian, Dalia, Lino for dying this easily. I’m so sorry, Amel. I shouldn’t have- I shouldn’t have screamed at you like that. I shouldn’t have-”

Sob

Consequences, No-ah

Stop it. Can’t you see in going to die here and yet all you guys freaking care about is-

Consequences

Is that I’m able to live up to your annoying expectations! I wish I’d just stayed back at the Riché Peresen Academy and lived a full life. But it’s all too late now. I’m about to die and I didn’t even want to be here in the first place.

Consequences

“Shut up, will ya?” When was the last time I refused my extended family’s demands, the last time I truly felt proud of my own accomplishments. Nine, no eight. Or seven? I can’t even remember anymore. All these years, I’ve allowed them to trample on me, have monopoly over my entire life.

Consequences

And now, when I’ve found someone who makes me much happier than I have ever felt at home, they want me to throw it all away.

Consequences

“SHUT UP! I don’t care about you or your consequences anymore. I don’t.” A stream of tears send a miniscule ripple in the body of water. “You got that? I don’t care!” I’ve decided. You forced me to enroll in the boarding school against my will. But you know what? That led me to Amel, to Vivian, to Dalia, and even Lino.. and I’m not gonna let you walk over me anymore.

“YOU GOT THAT!”  All my anguish now serves as fuel for pure utter rage. If I fight, I might die. If I don’t, I will die. So I might as well put up my fiercest battle.

And… and apologize to Amel.

**********