"Because he didn't want to live with regrets since he wasn't able to do it the way he wanted anymore..."

...HE SPOKE!!!...

A faint subtle voice tingles my soul...

It was so unexpected that I couldn't answer him immediately. I just stared at Myung for a few seconds, then replied, "Usually, as you lose something, you'll gain something much more valuable... He wouldn't have met her if that accident hadn't happened."

-"At what cost? Being in pain for the rest of your life every day... Does that love worth it?..."

+"It depends on each individual's point of view. However, it's not only pain...

Pain and joy, happiness, and sadness are always together like day and night. They would complete each other."

-"What if it were always night, absolute darkness without day?"

+"Then that means you're in the wrong place, and you should get out of there."

Myung's eyes widened for a second, and he returned to his expressionless face and got silent again. Then he got off the bed slowly and stood in front of the window overlooking the backyard...

I took a few steps towards him, leaning my back against the wall beside the window, and asked, "You like this book?"

He nodded but didn't say a word. He just kept staring out the window, lost in thought.

"Interesting. Do you have any book recommendations?" I asked.

Myung didn't respond to my question for about 5 minutes or so, and I just stared at his face waiting. I wondered, "How is it that his face is so smooth and delicate... Even his black eyelashes are long and pretty... How would he looked like if he had smiled?..."

As I was immersed in his face, I heard him say, "The Great Gatsby."

"Thank you!... I'll bring it next time~..." I replied.

In fact, I've watched the movie adaptation of the book he suggested. The main lead would've died in the end, betrayed by his loved ones and left alone...

Another sad ending story...

Myung's depression seems to be quite deep...

This is definitely not just for a year or two...

I feel like it's more than that...

He sees the world in black and white... Or maybe I should say only in black...

"What in the world had happened to him?" I wondered.

As he was standing there, I continued to keep watching him, and almost an hour passed just like that. Then he turned his gaze on me, looking annoyed since his eyebrows slightly frowned, but didn't say anything, just glared...

I said, "Am I bothering you?"

Then he slumped on his bed, facing the wall, and sighed.

I see... So I'm getting on his nerves, which means we're about to get somewhere...

My first goal was just to make him aware of my presence, and I guess I achieved that...

"Okay, I'll give you some space. I need a coffee anyway... See you again..." I left the room after saying this...

~

I walked to the first floor, and after getting my coffee, I headed to the backyard for the first time...

I stepped onto the grass, staring at them, "Doesn't he want to come here?..." I mumbled.

Then a girl's voice came from behind, "Dr. Seo."

I lifted my head and turned back and saw a young girl in a nursing uniform, dyed blonde hair with brown eyes, and pink lip gloss.

I answered, "Yes?!..."

She handed me a croissant wrapped in thin paper, "I'm Joe Jenny. The president's daughter."

+"Thank you!... Nice to meet you! Miss. Joe."

-"How is it working here?"

We started walking slowly, and I said, "It's fine, I guess."

-"Isn't it hard taking care of that patient?"

+"No, not really... "

-"Hmm~... That's alright then! I heard dealing with him is difficult !..."

I smiled awkwardly and then she asked out of the blue, "Have you seen the guy that comes here to see him, but only peeks into his room's window for a bit and leaves on visiting days?..."

I was taken aback by what she said. " A guy? Who is that?!"

-"We don't know either~... we just saw him a few times."

+"But I read in Park Myung's file that visitors except his parents are banned from meeting him!"

-"What? I didn't know that!~..."

+"How is he passing through security?!"

She got suddenly bewildered and said, "Ahh~ haha, I don't know~... Em~... I should go back inside so~..." and left hurriedly...

I was totally frustrated as she walked away, "This hospital seems so fucked up!..." Then I took a sip of my coffee and it burned the tip of my tongue, "Ow~".

As I looked up at the building with my tongue out, I noticed Myung was standing behind the window again. I lifted my arm and waved for him with the croissant in my hand, smiling, but he walked away as soon as he noticed I was looking in his direction.

"Stubborn brat!" I muttered.

~

I walked straight to the PICU and asked the guard, "My patient is banned from seeing anyone other than his parents, so I wonder how there's someone who comes here occasionally to see my patient?!..."

Having been bewildered by my sudden question, the guard muttered, "We don't allow him to meet him in person...". He hesitated for a few seconds, then continued, "He looked so desperate every time he came here~... So we let him watch from behind of the door~..."

I frowned and said irritatingly, "Do you have any idea how dangerous the situation could've been if my patient had seen him?!..."

He got frustrated. "I'm so sorry!~..."

"I should report this to the president." I was about to leave when he suddenly grabbed my wrist and begged, "Please~ Dr. Seo!... He's going to fire us!... We won't do it again!~... I have kids to take care of~... please~"

I sighed again as he looked desperate. "If I see any of you do that again, I'm going to report all of you! Got it?..."

He nodded hurriedly, "We won't!!!"

"Who is he anyway?" I asked.

-"He said that he was a friend of his."

+"A friend..."

~

I walked straight down the hallway and stood behind the door before heading in for a few minutes. I wondered, "A friend who has been here for a few times... watching him from this window... without anything more... What's up with him?..."

I took a look inside through the window and Myung came out of the bathroom. Then I stepped inside and said, "I'm back."

As his gaze fell onto my hand, he sat on his bed without answering...

I glanced at my hand and noticed the croissant was still with me and I completely forgot to eat since I was so mad that I just threw my coffee away and came back here.

"Wanna some?" I pointed the croissant toward him...

He stared blankly at me before turning away. I took a few steps forward, sitting next to him, and said teasingly, "It's delicious though~..." and ripped it in half. 

"She gave it to you, not to me." He mumbled calmly.

Eh!... So he saw me?... Huh!... 

I grinned awkwardly and replied, "She told me to share this with you." Then I held one of the halves in front of his mouth. 

Myung gave me bombastic side eyes with a smirk on his face as if he noticed I just blurted a lie. 

"FINE!... Don't eat it then!" I pulled back my hand and grabbed a bite of that dry croissant frustratingly. Then I grumbled, "What the...?! It's not even delicious! A wise choice to refuse this shit! It's too dry that it literally can kill you."

I was taken aback by what I had just said in front of a patient and froze in my place.

Then unexpectedly I heard that Myung chuckled, trying to hold his laugh in his hand. I stared at him blankly, amazed by how beautiful he was while laughing...

...Wait! What!... No... No... Get a grip Dantae!... The important thing is that he reacted with a laugh!... Another achievement!...

I said, embarrassed, and rubbed the back of my neck, "I shouldn't have said that! Sorry."

As I said this, the smile on his face faded in a second and his hands were trembling while he was trying to breathe. That was when I noticed he was going to have a panic attack and I sprang up immediately while pushing the emergency button, standing in front of him to hold his face in my hands as the ripped pieces of the croissant were spread on the floor...

+"Look into my eyes! Focus on my voice, okay?!... Follow my breathing pattern..." 

...Exhale... Inhale... Exhale... Inhale...

His eyes squinted as tears ran down his cheeks while he breathed heavily. 

"My green eyes are attractive right?... Shall I dye my hair green, too? I'm tired of blue..." Despite my gray eyes and dark ash-brown hair, I spat nonsense about paradoxical things to distract him from his thoughts and I could've felt that he was calming down a bit.

As the nurse came in, I signaled with my head to inject a general anesthetic into him. I pulled Myung close and held him in my arms until he slowly lost his consciousness.

After laying him in bed, I pulled the sheets over him. Practical nurse Kim, whispered, "What happened Doctor?" 

"I'm not sure either! Keep your eyes on him. I need to go back to my office." I answered while staring at Myung. 

"Yes, Dr. Seo!" He answered.

I headed back to my office. Wondering which part of my words triggered him...

I sat in my chair and reviewed our conversation in my head...

The only thing I could think about was, "Sorry?"... 

Is that what made him lose his control?!...

But why?!...

~

4 hours later, my office's phone rang and when I picked it up, nurse Kim said, "Dr. Seo, we have a problem."

+"What?"

-"He's awake now, and he refuses to eat anything. He even slapped the food tray underside which made a mess. What should I do? You told me I shouldn't use force." 

+"I'll be there right now."

I hung up and rushed into the PICU. I could hear Myung's voice yelling as I got close to his room.

I entered the room while he was throwing the food at Nurse Kim, saying, "Leaaaaavvveeee meeee aloneeee!!!...". 

I told him to leave the room and let me be alone with Myung.

Then Myung stood still in the middle of the room, glaring at me as he was panting angrily.

"I'm the one who did wrong here... why are you punishing yourself?..." I asked calmly.

-"What the hell are you talking about?! Get out!"

+"I said something I shouldn't have said. Isn't that the reason you're acting like this, refusing to eat?"

-"NO!... I~... " He dropped his head down, clenching his fist.

I took a few steps toward him, "Then what is it, Myung? Hm?... You can talk to me..."

"I wanna~ be alone~... this smell~ makes me feel like throwing up~..." he whined with his head still down as if he was about to cry.

I looked at his dirty hands and stained clothes as I held his wrist lightly, then said, "Okay, we will let you be alone, but let me call someone to clean up the floor, and also help you wash and change your clothes. Will you?"

He nodded silently and I asked the staff to come to help. I asked Myung, "If you're uncomfortable with them, I can help you alone?..." 

He took a step backward, flustered, "No!..."

Then I grinned and said, "Okay~... I won't do anything to make you uncomfortable. Then see you tomorrow morning."

I patted slightly on his shoulder and left the room with a heavy weight on my chest.

I gave the nurses the instructions needed before leaving the hospital since my shift was done and I should've headed home.

~ 

When I came back tomorrow morning, Myung's mood had shifted again to silent mode...

And I was screaming internally.

"I RUINED ALL MY TWO WEEKS OF EFFORT!!!"

The only thing that I could do was to open the new book, Great Gatsby, that I'd brought with me since Myung suggested and read it silently in his room!...

"HERE WE GO AGAIN!... LET'S SEE WHO'S GONNA WIN IN THE END!!!... I WON'T GIVE UP ON YOU!!!...".

.