It's been a week since Myung crawled back into his own shell, and I haven't heard a single word from his mouth...

I know that I reverted back to square one. However, I found out one of the things that can trigger his emotions is saying, "Sorry."

Now, I need to find the reason behind this to take a step forward in his healing process...

However, my biggest obstacle is that Myung doesn't want to heal or cooperate with me... 

He doesn't think of moving on from his past... 

He's just escaping reality, suppressing his emotions, and lost in the world of his thoughts or even fantasies... 

Healing has never been easy... 

It takes courage to get out of your safe zone when you're scared to death of being hurt once again... 

So you'd prefer to stay where you are stuck...

Do not move at all...

But, you can't call that living anymore...

It's just surviving...

To become a mature person who can live with its pain and be at peace within, we must take risks, experience pain, and gain knowledge. We should keep trying until we achieve whatever we want, including reaching our dreams or goals, regardless of how silly they appear... 

You can't appreciate spring unless you've endured winter...

This is what life is all about...

~

As my day off came, I studied similar cases and my books over and over to get new ideas of how can I convince him to open up to me or gain his trust...

Time flew by in the blink of an eye that day...

I closed my laptop while rubbing my exhausted eyes and let out a sigh...

Then I got up to get some water from the kitchen and glanced at my phone while drinking...

The clock on the screen showed 5:12 AM while I had to be in the hospital at 7 AM... 

"Damn... I hadn't noticed how many hours had passed." I groaned and walked to my bed, put my phone on the nightstand, and slowly closed my eyes, allowing myself to fall asleep only for an hour... 

I opened my eyes after my phone's alarm filled the room, and stretched my drained body as I was still lying there...

Then I took a cold shower to wake myself up quickly, and after getting dressed in my usual style, I rushed out of my apartment...

~

As I stepped inside Myung's room, he was already standing in front of the window, zoning out, while the sunshine was illuminating his face with a melancholic look... 

I said, "Good morning, Myung." And silent was his answer as usual.

I flopped into the armchair, which has become my territory in Myung's room nowadays, and then opened the book to read quietly... 

I was so tired that staring at the book pages was like a sedative, leading me to close my eyes as my eyelids became heavier... 

I could feel my body going limp, sinking into the armchair, and my breathing slowing down. I drifted off to sleep without knowing how long...

I was in deep sleep until I suddenly felt a hand approaching me from my left side... 

Since I learned martial arts in my childhood, my body has some kind of self defence reflection, so I grasped the hand with my right hand and pulled it to my side, and pushed that person's shoulder with my left hand to make him fall on the ground at the same time while my eyes were still closed. 

As I heard the familiar voice, I opened my eyes right away and saw Myung falling backwards, trying to catch me, "Waaaah~..."

Before his back hit the ground, I grabbed his right arm floating in the air and lifted him into my arms with all my strength. 

I hugged him closely and panted in panic, as Myung also held my uniform collar with his right hand, and his left hand stuck under my armpit, sitting on my lap... 

His face was so close to me that I could feel his breath on my neck. His heart was beating rapidly, in sync with mine. I could feel his body trembling.

"Oh God!... That was close!..." I huffed, then pulled back a bit and held Myung's face in my hands. "You're okay?!..."

His cheeks blushed as he stared into my eyes for the first time and nodded in agreement. 

I pulled him back into my arms again worriedly and said, "You scared me to death... What were you trying to do?!..." 

Myung squirmed, trying to get out of my grasp. "I wanted~~ to take~ the book~~" He said in a low tone.

So I helped him stand up as I got up from the armchair, holding his waist to keep him steady, and he then stepped back awkwardly, keeping a distance while staring at the book lying on the floor. 

I bent over and picked the book up, and handed it over to him. "Here you go... Also, I'm s..." I paused.

I shouldn't say that... 

"I apologize for my behaviour," I said.

Myung answered, "It was my fault~... So, it's okay, Doctor..." He paused and looked up with a puzzled face. 

+"You don't know my name yet, hm?" I grinned.

He glanced over my uniform, but there was no name.

+"Wanna know my name, Park Myung?..."

I guessed Myung's stubbornness would prevent him from asking me, but he stared at me silently, wondering.

+"I'm Seo Dantae. Nice to meet you." 

Then I reached my hand toward him to shake. However, since he had gripped the book tightly, I pulled back my hand awkwardly.

-"Dante?... Like in The Devil may cry..."

+"Tae!... Dantae... What's that anyway? A movie?"

-"Game."

+"Ahh~... So you like games? My name is similar to that character, huh? Cool!..."

He walked away with an indifferent expression and sat on the edge of the bed, opening the book. "Not anymore. Nero was better anyway." He muttered.

I glared at him as he was reading the book, "Have you just dissed me?"

Then I noticed his lips were turned upwards unnoticeably, which made me smile somehow. I leaned against his bed next to him, "I've always been busy studying since I really like psychology, so I really didn't have time for anything fun..." 

-"..." 

+"But my younger sister is completely opposite of me... She wants to be an idol, haha." 

-"..." 

+"What do you like to do?"

Myung paused, reading the book, lifting his head up, and staring blankly at the wall across the room. 

-"Nothing."

So he lost interest in everything... 

+"It's okay even if you don't have anything right now since you can always find a new one." 

-"I can't."

+"Why would you think that way?"

He turned his head towards me and replied with his blank face and lost eyes, "I can't ~ feel~ anything~..."

I felt as if someone had squeezed my heart so hard that made me unable to breathe.

+"You..."

Meanwhile, the door has opened, and the nurse Kim interrupted us, "I apologize for barging in doctor, but you need to come out." 

I asked, "What's wrong?"

"Well, we should talk outside." He answered as he glanced at Myung. 

I sighed and patted Myung's back slightly. "Let's continue later~... You can have the book for now~"

Then I left the room with the nurse, and he said, "Park Myung's parents are here, and we sent them to your office." 

"Huh?... Okay, thank you." I said as I walked back to my office quickly. 

~

As I entered the room, I was greeted by Myung's parents, "Hello, Doctor Seo! The hospital called us saying that you wanted to meet us."

"Ah! Yes! Thank you for coming. I'm his new doctor." I said, then I pointed to the chairs in the middle of my office. "Please have a seat!"

As we all sat down, I started talking. "I wanted to see you in person since I'm going to help your son with his treatment. However, the case is a bit complicated because there wasn't much information about him, so I would like to ask some questions."

While we talked a bit, I acknowledged that Myung is that kind of person who doesn't share his feelings or problems, and he usually pretends he's okay even if he's not since his parents don't really know their own child or what his problem is...

The only thing they know is that he became like this after moving out of his friend's house, and his behaviour was so strange to them that it made them scared to death... 

In the end, they decided to seek professional help since they were afraid of losing their son...

~

After they left, I stood up in front of my room's window and stared at the backyard view, thinking...

I came to the conclusion that Park Myung bottlenecks his emotions and keeps them to himself for his whole life...

In spite of his pain, sorrow, discomfort, or anything that might have been burdensome for others, he never talks about it... 

Which I assume is exactly why he ended up here...

As a result of the traumatic circumstances he has endured up to this point without expressing, grieving, or receiving any consolation, Myung was led to losing all his feelings along with the will to live...

Simply put, his brain shut off his feelings in order to shield himself from the tsunami of raging emotions that can trigger a mental breakdown or panic attack... 

However, there's still a piece missing here...

What are those traumatic things?...

What happened between Myung and his friend?...

Is he the reason why Myung became like this?...

Who is that friend exactly?... 

I keep hearing about him, but I still have no idea... 

I wish I could meet him...

~

When I was done thinking, I came back to Myung's room after about two hours...

As I walked inside and my gaze fell on him, my eyes widened in shock... 

"Myung!... What are you doing?..." I asked, trying to keep my calm, but he didn't hear me as if he was in another world...

Sitting on the bed, he had tore up book pages and rubbed the sharp edges of the papers on his forearms while smiling with tears in his eyes...

I stepped closer to him, pulling out the ripped pieces from his hands. "Myung, I trusted you that you would've taken good care of my book."

He lifted his head and noticed me standing in front of him. 

I added, "Now, what should I do about the library's bookkeeper?" 

Myung blinked innocently, trying to analyse the situation, then glanced at his surroundings and his hands surprisingly, "I~... I~... Didn't ~... intend to~... What should~... I do?~..." He muttered with a trembling voice.

I held his hands in mine and said, "Alright... Let's first treat your wounds." 

I pressed the red emergency button to call the nurse. I then said with a smile on my face as he looked at me, "I can buy a new book and give it to them, right?"

-"Right~..." He said regretfully.

+"Can I ask why you did that?"

He hesitated for a moment but then he answered.

-"When~ I see~ the blood oozing from my skin~ or~ when I feel~ the burning sensation of the cuts~... I can feel that~... I'm still alive~..."

Hearing his words with his sorrowful voice and the gaze that was screaming for help in that darkness, I felt my heart breaking... 

There was something special in him that I wasn't able to comprehend...

Unconsciously, a tear fell down my cheek, but I whipped it right away, trying not to show them to Myung cause it could've made him feel even more helpless...

I wanted to be his shelter, the one who could rescue him from the depths of despair. I wanted to be his light so he could find his way back home...

However, nothing is possible until he'd trust me...

+"Myung, I can help you to feel again in the right way, not with these hurtful methods... 

I'm holding my hand towards you, but It's useless unless you grab my hand back. 

Would you let me to help you?

I'd never break your trust..."