The family took various seats around the living and I sat with Thomas on the loveseat, my hands tight in my lap.
"Why are we here?" Yves looked around, incredibly confused.
"Okay," I sighed, closing my eyes, "Hannah had to be taken to the hospital. She may be pregnant and… miscarrying. Dad is there with her and Callum."
"Oh, that's awful," my great grandma Kamilla gasped, "I really hope that it's nothing too serious."
"We'll all be here for support. We know how much Cal loves her," Juniper wiped a tear away, "I know it's important we're all together, but Shi," she looked at Shiloh confused, "normally you don't text so…"
"Rude," Oakley finished, and Juniper nodded in agreement.
"That's because of me," I whispered and everyone looked at me causing me to panic and hide a bit behind Thomas, "don't stare at me you fucking weirdos."
"Sparrow watch your mouth," Alder, Isaac, and River all said at the same time.
"No. I… I am so sorry everyone. Let me start with the good news. I'm coming home. I never should have gone to college, left Idaho, or any of that. I'm not happy there. I'm happy here. So, I'm going to come back and move into the apartment above the shops, keep working with Pa."
"Oh, that's great!" Juniper smiled widely, "we miss you so much."
"I miss you all too."
"How does that make you feel though, Tommy?" Alder came over and patted Thomas softly on the top of his head, "we know how close the two of you are."
He's doing this on purpose because he knows.
He's testing Tommy.
"Well. If I hadn't talked to Kai about doing the same, then I'd be devastated," Thomas sighed, "but he agreed to teach me everything I need to know to run the cafe and I'll be staying with Aero above the shops. Life would suck for me without him around."
"That's what I thought but it's nice to hear," Alder laughed softly.
"But you've both been in college for a bit now at least. Are you really sure you want to give that up?" River ran a hand through their hair, concern blatant on their face.
"We might not have a choice," I stared at my hands, "not if I'm… pregnant."
All of the air seemed to disappear from the room as everyone took what I said in stride. I simply refused to raise my head, reaching over to take Thomas' hand and squeezing it tightly.
A cacophony of noise filled the house as everyone began to react and I shut down, tuning them out to fight my own anxieties. Thomas suddenly stood up, letting go of my hand, and let out a loud whistle, forcing everyone into silence, something that shocked me.
He has a commanding presence for someone so small.
I kinda love it.
"Alright, that's enough. You're upsetting Sparrow," Thomas shouted, "stop, please. However all of you feel, it doesn't eclipse how we're feeling. We're both terrified. We didn't ask for this to happen, and we didn't plan. We're stupid kids and… I won't say it would be a mistake, but it was an accident. I already feel guilty knowing that… if I got Sparrow pregnant it pushes his transition back another year. But I don't care about myself right now. I care about him and how upset he is."
Everyone stared at Thomas, and he flopped down next to me, pulling me close to him.
"I'm sorry for yelling," he sighed, "and being rude and disrespectful in your home, Shiloh. But I care about Sparrow, and seeing him shut down out of fear was too much for me to handle."
"We… we appreciate you doing that," Thatcher called softly, "we tend to lose sight of things. But… boys, this… this is a lot to deal with. You're children to us and…"
"Stop that," Kamilla called, and everyone went quiet, "You're going to guilt trip them. They already feel guilty, and there's no possible way to know right now. If we as a family could accept Kai having a child at about the same age as Sparrow, and Orion being born just after Juniper's 21st birthday then as a family our job isn't to shame or make them feel as if they made a mistake. They are not children. Joanna," she stared at my grandmother, "how much older than you am I?"
"15 years," Joanna whispered, staring at her hands.
"And I have never once regretted being your mother so young. If Thaddeus was still here, he'd agree. So stop this, all of you. Tommy, have you told your parents?"
"Yes ma'am," Thomas nodded, gently rubbing my arm, "my father Theodore had my sister Kennedy at 18. So he's panicked, but… they support me regardless. Any choices I make they take in stride and guide me well."
"They treat you like an adult then."
"I went to college at 16. They didn't have much of a choice but to see me as an adult."
"Understandable. You all need to learn to accept that while Sparrow is the baby of the family, he's also an adult now. If he chose to have a child right now, if it wasn't an accident, then there's nothing you could say about it but support that choice. If you can't support the chance that Sparrow and Thomas may be having a child, then you should leave and let the rest of us figure out what to do from here."
The silence in the room was deafening, and no one moved an inch as I cuddled closer to Thomas, suddenly aware of how important he was to me. How he had been willing to fight with my family if it meant I was defended.
"Tommy," I whispered, and he looked at me, "can we go to Indiana after we move here?"
"Why Starlight?"
"You've met my family. I… I should meet yours too."
"I'd love nothing more."
"Sparrow?" Juniper called softly, and I finally looked at the family again, "we aren’t upset or disappointed," she gestured to Connor, who nodded in agreement, "we were surprised. You never wanted children, babe. You'd sworn off all intimacy."
"Well yeah, because I couldn't trust anyone," I snorted, "but… Tommy is trustworthy. I know he won't hurt me. He's proven it to me. And I'm not sure where any of you thought I didn't want children. I love kids. I'm an asshole, but kids have such innocence about them that I love to see. I want a huge family. But it wasn't something I could picture happening for me, so I let it go."
"But it could happen if you wanted it to," Connor whispered, and I looked at him confused, "you don't have to have a hysterectomy at all, Sparrow. You'll still be a man regardless, and I want you to know that. If I hadn't already had one before I was with Auntie Juni, we would have had more than Orion. I would have waited until we had all the children we wanted and then had the procedure. I just want you to know that if you… if you don't want that surgery, it's okay. You can still get top surgery and wait. Or don't and live your life how you choose, bud. But you can't take your T or anything until we know. Until you're certain."
"I… never thought about it that way," I whispered, "I just… I look in the mirror, and I don't feel like… I look like who I know I am yet. And it really bothers me. But I… I do want kids and…"
"No one is telling you to decide right now," Thomas softly kissed the side of my head, "but when you do, you'll have support. I promise."
"Thanks, Chip."
"Anything for you, Eeyore."
A phone started to ring, and we all looked around before settling on Shiloh, who groaned and pulled it out.
"Hey babe," he yawned, "how is… oh. Oh, that's great news! Oh my god, thank God. Is her dad with you? He is. He can stay here if he wants. We have a spare room. He's family, after all. Alright, I'll have Sparrow make up the room. I'll see you soon. Yeah, I love you more," he hung up and laid his phone in his lap, wiping tears away quickly before clearing his throat, "Hannah is fine. She is pregnant but it… it was twins. She lost one baby, but the other is okay. A lot stronger, so… they'll be okay. They want to put her on bed rest for the foreseeable future. Until the baby is born. She's also further along than Callum thought. 4 months. I guess because of her birth control, her periods were so irregular she didn't question not getting it for a few months. That was normal for her. They want to keep Hannah for a few days, so Cal is going to stay with her. Orion should be bringing Kai and Hannah's dad Finn here in a minute. Only one person can stay with Hannah, and Callum refuses to leave. So… Sparrow, Tommy, can you set up the bed in my office for me?"
"You mean to tell me that you've had a spare bed this entire time? Then why the hell did I have to share with Chip?" I huffed.
"Because he was scared to be here when you arrived, and I figured he'd be more comfortable if he was with you."
"You were scared?" I whipped my head to look at Thomas, and he nodded slowly.
"Yeah, a bit. I care about you and already was kinda hoping that you'd admit wanting to be a couple at some point. So it felt like… meeting my boyfriend's parents. And before you say it, I know you're not my boyfriend, so shut it."
Leaning over, I pressed my lips close to his ear, "I'm sorry you were scared, Sunbeam," I whispered, "I'll keep you safe."
"That's my job," he whispered back, softly rubbing my cheek, and I nuzzled his palm.
"Seriously, did someone replace Sparrow? What the hell?" Isaac sighed, "you can actually be gentle?"
"You shut up," I glared at him, "I am perfectly capable of being affectionate. But only to Tommy."
“What makes him so special?” Connor smiled.
“Not anyones business but my own,” crossing my arms across my chest, I huffed softly.
“Will you at least tell me?” Thomas poked my cheek and I narrowed my eyes at him.
“Later.”
“Fine.”
After a few moments of awkward silence, I pulled Thomas down the hallway to the office and started getting the spare bed ready, grumbling under my breath as I did.
"Sparrow?" Thomas took the blanket I was holding, "Hey why are you grumpy?"
"Just… annoyed. Pa always does this kinda shit. He schemes in secret. I… even if this bed had been available I probably would have asked you to sleep in my room, you've been begging to do it for a while anyway, but I like being able to make those choices for myself. He never… he… I love Pa, don't get me wrong, but the minute we find out I might be pregnant, he takes everything into his own control. I didn't want that, Tommy! I want to make… make the choices with you. Not with them. It's our decision, right? Our life… not… not theirs," I started to cry softly and he dropped the blanket, pulling me close to him.
"Absolutely," he whispered, running his fingers through my hair, "our lives, our possible baby. Sparrow, I need you to be honest with me right now. Is being in Idaho what you want? Living above the shops, running the cafe and bookstore?"
"I… I don't know anymore. It just seemed to be what… what was expected of me."
"What do you want then?" He pulled back and cradled my face, wiping my tears away with his thumbs.
"I don't know," I whispered before leaning forward and kissing him, "Tommy I don't know."
"Once we know if… we're having a baby… Let's buy a van. Like an RV. Travel for a while. All over. When we're ready to come home, we come home. Or we pick a new home. But neither of us has even had a chance to explore much of the country. I want to see all kinds of new places. With you," he rubbed my jaw softly.
"How are we going to afford that? What if we are… having a baby?"
"I have a lot of money in my savings account. I mean a lot. And if we are, we can bring the baby. We just set up the RV for them too. We can figure it out together. Me and you."
"Me and you," I nodded and wrapped my arms around his neck, "Tommy… what would I do without you?"
"You don't need me," he laughed, rubbing my lower back with his fingertips.
"Yes I do," I whispered softly in his ear, "I absolutely do."
"Sparrow," he shot back, looking me in the eyes, "do you mean that?"
"Do I lie to you?"
"Purposely? No," he smiled, gripping my hips and pushing me softly to the wall, "I need you too. God, I need you," he kissed me deeply, pressing as close to me as he could, his knee sliding between my legs to keep me in place.
"Tommy," I whimpered, wrapping my hands in his hair, "my family is going to be wondering where we are."
"Ugh," he groaned, pressing his forehead to my chest, "I love and hate the holidays. Can they just be done yet so we can go back to Berkeley for a few weeks? Just you and me… in your apartment…"
"Jesus," I snorted, "You're so easily turned on."
"I'm 19 you dick it's not a surprise," he licked my neck softly and I groaned, "you are too, baby. You are too."
"It's you. I've never once felt like this before."
"Yeah? So what makes me special? You promised to tell me."
"You're sweet. Gentle. You don't question who I am and embrace it. You keep me safe, you're willing to defend me against anyone. I just… I know how much you care about me… and I… I care about you too. Your annoying, loud ass made its way into my heart and through my walls. I guess it's stupid to keep denying that I have feelings for you but I don't know how deep they are yet. I just don't want you to leave me behind, Tommy," I kept my gaze on the floor, my entire face red as I spilled my guts out to him.
"Sparrow?" He whispered and I lifted my head, "thank you. For finally being honest," he kissed me sweetly, cradling my face, "can I ask one more thing?"
"No."
"Please?"
"Fine…"
"Do you actually want to have a child with me?"
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