"Huh?" I looked at Thomas surprised.
"I'm asking a simple question. Do you actually want to have a child with me?"
"Well, we don't know right now if-" my words were muffled when he covered my mouth with his hand.
"I know that," he sighed, "is that what I'm asking? No. I'm asking if you want to be parents. Together. Me and you. If you actually want this."
I licked his palm and he pulled his hand away quickly, wiping it on his pants, "yes," I whispered, "yes. I do. I wanted to be a dad but I didn't think it'd happen. I want a bunch of kids but I'd settle for one. I… I know we're really young… but I… yeah I'm scared and all that. We aren't exactly prepared to be parents but there's no one I'd rather share a child with than you."
"Jesus you're sappy when we're alone," he smiled, kissing me softly, his fingers rubbing the side of my neck, "good. I want that too. You, me, and a little redheaded baby because let's face it…"
"They'll be ginger," I smiled, finally feeling relaxed, "You're so good for me. I want you to know that."
"I already did. But it's nice to hear."
"Sparrow?" Shiloh called from outside the door and I groaned.
"What."
"Can we talk?"
"Fine," pushing Thomas away, I slowly opened the door, staring at my father, "what?"
"I made you angry. I see that and I'm sorry," he sighed softly, "I… overstepped by not giving you the chance to share when you were comfortable. I'm trying to make all your choices and… I shouldn't have. I mean shit, I moved out of Idaho on my 22nd birthday with 30 minutes' notice to my parents. Yeah, it was the best choice I could have made, I just got scared that… you weren't making the best choice. I mean you are Tommy, the best choice for my son. I just want to be your guide and… there's a difference between giving advice and making all of your own decisions to a point that you can't share with me what you want. So… I'm sorry son. I'm sorry Tommy. I'd like to ask what you two want to do. Not what I want to do for you."
A tear rolled down my cheek and I leaned down to hug Shiloh, squeezing him tightly around the neck, "we want to have the baby. If I'm pregnant. Or at… at least have one or something. Travel around in an RV while we're still young. Then…" I looked back at Thomas and he nodded, a gentle, supportive smile on his face, "then we'll come home. We'll come back here and take over the shops. Live in this house. We just… want to live a few years together before we're thrown into so much responsibility suddenly. We're 19, Pa. Well, we're almost 20 but still. Is… is this something you can support?"
"It wouldn't matter at the end of the day what you picked. As long as you weren't planning to kill anyone or start robbing banks then I'll support whatever you choose to do, Sparrow. But… you have to make me one promise."
"Anything, Pa."
"If you're pregnant now or pregnant later, please come back here when you're 7 months and stay until the baby is a few weeks old. It's going to be too hard on all of you to travel that way."
"Tommy?" I held my hand out and he came close, lacing our fingers together.
"I agree to that. I love that idea."
"So… so you're really going to have a baby?" Shiloh chewed his lip.
"I don't think we'll actively try and have a child right now. But if I'm not pregnant… it's… it's something I'd like to consider. I think… I think I'll wait to have a hysterectomy until I have a child. But I want top surgery as soon as I can. Either… either after this baby or before I have one. It's what's holding me back from really knowing that I'm a man. Breasts. They have to go."
"And that's fine. When you're ready to have that surgery, if you need me to, I'll take care of you. You can both stay here."
"Thank you, Pa. We will. Now we just have to figure out how to make it work."
"Easy," Kai popped his head into the room, "I was listening from outside the door. Shiloh, we saved so much for Sparrow to go to college. For all of our kids. We had an agreement, didn't we? When they turned 20 we'd release the funds to them so they could use it how they wanted or needed. Violet bought her apartment in Seoul, Callum set his aside for his loans, which leaves Sparrow. He's barely used any of it. It's more than enough to find them a nice, if not used, RV and cover them for… hm… two years? Maybe three if they're smart about how they use it."
"I… I also have a lot. I could probably cover us for an extra year. So… 23. We would come back to officially take over the shops at 23. Which would have been when Aero graduates anyway," Thomas smiled, "I'm… I apologize again. For earlier. For yelling at everyone. It was disrespectful of me and…"
"But it wasn't," Shiloh smiled, patting Thomas' arm, "you saw before any of us that Sparrow was shutting down. Retreating into himself. I wasn’t in a state to recognize it myself but you did, Thomas. You know Sparrow better than I thought you did.”
“I’ve been watching his moods for months now. I can tell when he’s going to pull away or walk away from what’s going on. Scariest is just before he lashes out. He’s yelled at me quite a few times but I… I know it’s never from anger. It’s from fear.”
“I fucking hate that you can read me that easily,” I huffed, “I’m leaving.”
“Where are we going?” Thomas laughed, following after me as I still had his hand in my own, my parents just behind us.
“Living room.”
As soon as I stepped foot in the living room, I froze, staring at the stranger sitting on the couch next to Alder.
“Who the hell?” I whispered.
“Finn!” Shiloh smiled, “you made it safely.”
“I did,” Hannah’s father Finn nodded, getting to his feet, “it’s so nice to meet you. Finn Sterling,” he smiled, shaking Shiloh’s hand.
“Shiloh Hartley. That uh…” he went to call me his ginger before stopping, “the taller of the two is our son Sparrow. That’s his uh… Thomas.”
“He’s my kind of eventual boyfriend who is patiently waiting to be my boyfriend Thomas,” I clicked my tongue.
“Jesus be a little polite,” Thomas laughed going over to Finn, “Thomas Williams. Just call me Tommy.”
“Nice to meet you. I heard the two of you on the phone. Thank you, Sparrow.”
“Huh?” I looked at him confused, “for what?”
“Having the where with all to call me in the middle of an emergency regarding my daughter. She’s all I really have. So I appreciate that.”
“Oh well,” clearing my throat, I awkwardly rubbed the nape of my neck, “yeah no problem. I know how much Cal loves her and I didn’t want to see anything bad happen,” the words spilled from me in a rush due to my embarrassment, “I’m just glad she’s going to be okay.”
“Well… she can’t fly or be in car for long until the baby is born so I can’t take her to Washington with me. We’ll have to call the college and have them put her classes on hold for now. It’s not the best timing but it’s okay. My dad was in the middle of the world series playoffs when I was born,” Finn laughed softly.
“World Series?” Alder looked at Finn confused, “your dad plays baseball?”
“He does,” Finn nodded, “well he did. Now he’s just the coach for the Seattle Mariners.”
“Wait… Rowan? Rowan Sterling is your dad?” Alder gasped, “holy shit!”
“Oh you know him?” Shiloh tilted his head confused.
“Do I know him? Of course, I do! Rowan Sterling was hands down the best pitcher to play for the Yankees in years! I didn’t even consider that your last name was Sterling until now.”
“He doesn’t like to boast about it,” Finn laughed as I pushed Thomas onto one of the spare chairs and climbed into his lap, “but yes. My mama Rosie is a seamstress though.”
“And what do you do?” Shiloh smiled as Kai started to softly massage his shoulders.
“Oh! I work from home as a paralegal. I needed something I could do to take care of Hannah. I was really young when she was born.”
“How young?” I called softly, “I know she told me but I forgot.”
“Sixteen. My parents were upset but they let me take full custody of her from her mom since she didn’t want her. So it’s always just been Hannah and me,” Finn shrugged.
“How old are you?” Juniper smiled, playing with Orion’s hair, clearly grateful to be reunited with her daughter.
“Oh! I’m 38.”
“You’re a baby!” Alder laughed, “so young.”
“Well… yeah. Anyway, I just don’t know what to do for Hannah.”
“She can stay here,” Kai nodded, looking at Shiloh, “we can watch over her. Callum will probably take time off from school as well. So she can take over Sparrow’s old room as soon as she’s released from the hospital.”
“Don’t give away my room! Cal has his here. Put her in there with him,” I huffed, “it’s bigger anyway.”
“He’s not wrong,” Shiloh laughed, “plus, Tommy and him will need to stay here for a bit anyway.”
“Alright. If you’re okay with that, Finn, Hannah can stay here with Cal. We really don’t mind and will be able to keep an eye on her. Especially because of,” Kai gestured to River who nodded.
“I’m a doctor,” River smiled, “I’m not an obstetrician but I can help to monitor not only Hannah but the baby.”
“Oh… she will be best off here,” Finn let out a sigh of relief, “thank you. I’m so happy she met Callum.”
“So are we,” Kai smiled.
Everyone slowly began to leave, the tension from my announcement lessening as I cuddled close to Thomas.
"Are you okay?" Thomas whispered in my ear.
"Overwhelmed," I whispered back, "scared of what happens now. It's Christmas tomorrow but it doesnt…"
"Feel like Christmas."
"Mhm," nodding, I closed my eyes, resting my head on his shoulder, "am I too heavy?"
"Not in the slightest," he laughed, softly rubbing my thigh, "you can sit in my lap whenever you want. It just looks funny because you're taller than me."
"Only two inches. Idiot," I laughed fondly, rubbing his chest softly with my fingers, "do you want to go to bed? I'm exhausted."
"It's barely 6, Aero," Thomas laughed, a deep rumbling sound that came from his chest.
Pouting, I tilted my head to look up at him, "wanna cuddle you," I whispered, my cheeks growing warm.
"Oh. That's all you had to say," he gently patted my cheek, "Alright. Let's go watch a movie and cuddle."
Thomas and I said goodnight to my remaining family and headed to my room. We both undressed to our shirts and underwear and climbed into bed, my head on his chest, one of my legs over his thigh.
"You're so touchy lately," Thomas laughed, softly tracing my spine.
"I like touching you. Shut up about it."
"Fine," he kissed the top of my head, "do you want to pick the movie?"
"No. Wanna lay here. You pick," closing my eyes, I gently rubbed his side, listening to the sound of his heart and gentle breathing.
You make me happy.
So why am I scared to move things further than this?
To make things official.
Oh.
Because you could leave.
I don't want to get attached and you cheat like Casey.
I slowly moved off of Thomas and flipped to my other side, hiding my face in the pillow as I held back tears from my own thoughts.
"Sparrow?" Thomas whispered, "hey. What's wrong?"
"N… nothing. I'm gonna go to bed okay?"
"Sparrow," he cuddled around me and I moved further away making him sigh, "goddammit," he muttered under his breath, "Okay. Sleep well. I'm gonna go talk to your parents for a minute."
"D… don't leave."
"You clearly want space. I'm trying to give it to you. I promise I'll be back soon. Just rest. I just want to talk to your dad."
"Okay," I sniffled, "you swear you'll be back?"
"I promise Starlight,” he softly kissed the back of my head and climbed out of the bed, grabbing his pajama pants before slowly closing the bedroom door behind him.
Where are you going?
Stay with me…
Come back, Tommy.
It took Thomas over an hour to return, my heart thundering in my chest out of fear until he opened the bedroom door, his left hand behind his back.
“You’re back,” I sniffled, sitting up, “I… I thought you left me here…”
“I promised didn’t I?” he smiled, taking a seat on the side of the bed, “can you do something?”
“Maybe.”
“I just need you to close your eyes for a minute.”
“Well… okay,” closing my eyes, I gasped quietly when he pressed his lips to mine as he placed something soft into my hands.
“Don’t open them yet,” he whispered, kissing me again, “I realize why you got upset. Casey. You don’t trust me and that’s okay.”
“But I do,” I sniffled, “I do trust you.”
“No, Sparrow. You trust me as a friend. But you don’t trust me as a potential partner. I understand why. I can’t just say the words that I’ll never cheat or hurt you. I know that you need to see those actions. I told you I’d wait for you, didn’t I?”
“You did,” I hiccuped softly, a tear escaping me.
“And I intend to wait as long as you need me to. I care deeply about you. I just hope that the day you’re ready you’ll tell me. Anyway, I got you a Christmas present. I know that it doesn’t really feel like Christmas this year, but it’s our first one together. I love the holidays. So… open your eyes.”
I slowly looked at the item in my hands and giggled quietly before pulling it to my chest, “oh Tommy… I love it.”
Thomas had bought me a small Eeyore plush wearing a Christmas outfit. Around its neck were two bracelets, each shaped like a band of snowflakes, one white, the other dark blue.
“These are beautiful,” I hiccuped, “Tommy…”
“We can match,” he smiled, taking the bracelets from me and slowly sliding the white one onto my wrist, “it’s a promise. That I’m not going anywhere. That I’ll be here. I told you. I’m yours. Until you’re ready to be with me,” he took the blue bracelet and placed it into my hand, “I won’t wear mine. When you… when you know that you can trust me fully, give it to me.”
“Tommy…”
“I don’t want to pressure you. Ever. I’m not that kind of guy, Sparrow. It’s so funny. When I left for college 3 years ago, I promised my parents I wasn’t going there to fool around and I didn’t. I went to college in… in the hope that on top of learning, I would find love. I can’t say that… I feel that way about you yet. But I care deeply. Deep enough that if you ever left I’d… I’d have no idea what to do with myself. When you’re ready… give me the bracelet. That will be… that will be the day we officially become a couple. Does that work for you?”
“It does,” I whispered, playing with the bracelet, “thank you.”
“For?”
“Caring for someone like me.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you,” he pressed his forehead to mine, his hand slowly wrapping around the back of my head, “you’re a wonderful man just the way you are Sparrow.”
“It’s… it’s so strange to not be misgendered all the time,” I let out a bitter laugh, “I keep waiting for you to call me baby girl or something like that.”
“Why the fuck would I ever do that? It wouldn’t make any sense,” he placed a finger under my chin and forced me to look into his eyes, “because you’re going to be my boyfriend someday right, baby boy?”
“Mhm,” laughing, I hugged him tightly, “thank you,” I whispered softly in his ear, “thank you.”
“I’m not doing anything extra or special. But you’re welcome. Oh and,” he forced me up and kissed me deeply, leaving my cheeks flaming, “Merry Christmas, Eeyore.”
“Merry Christmas Chip.”
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