***CW: Physical and Psychological abuse insinuated***

Caleb

It was incredibly hard for him to comprehend this corrosive fury that ate him up since Arnold chose to fuck with him in the parking lot. Not the hatred toward Arnold, of course. That kid deserved every particle of malice Caleb could offer and more.

No. Having come to his aide, Spencer had been immediately smacked with a stupid question asked by an ungrateful piece of shit. Insinuating that Spencer didn’t do enough because he drove to school instead of riding in with Caleb when the latter knew damn well why the former couldn’t.

It was never a matter of want for Spencer. He was always the one left behind when the rest of the kids went outside and played sports during middle school. The only one sitting on the bleachers during P.E. in high school. At some point, Spencer wanted to learn soccer to play with the twins only to end up in the hospital for forgetting his inhaler when they were teaching him.

After that, Rainie came up with other alternatives for the trio. Video games, carefully planned hikes in the Forest District, visits to the mall and its expansive indoor gardens. None of it stopped the forlorn look Spencer got whenever he was left on the sidelines of their games or practices.

Or the agony that clouded his eyes after Caleb basically told him he didn’t care.

Then there was Rainie. All she ever did was protect her technically-younger brother. How many times had it been multi-colored splotches of pain on her skin instead of his?

Caleb knew she did what she could. They were nearing legal adulthood, but still. There were only so many things a seventeen-year-old sister could do for her brother.

Caleb had to make a conscious effort to stop the train of wicked thoughts from creeping in. It didn’t stop the guilty ones, though. The whispers that called him weak and selfish, repeated his own words back at him on some never-ending loop intended to remind him how shitty a person he was.

Walking into AP English didn’t really stop it. Even after the class started, he could barely concentrate on taking notes or participating in the very few exchanges Mr. Hansen was having with his prized pupils.

Caleb probably would have been one if not for his disdain for this idiot replacement of a teacher he’d been looking forward to having before she moved to Hong Kong on a teacher’s exchange. Caleb had kept in touch with her, doing her cataloged worksheets in his spare time. It was the only reason he was at the top of this class, and likely the reason Mr. Hansen didn’t acknowledge it. He was a shit teacher, and Caleb found a sliver of satisfaction in knowing that the only two students nailing his class were the two students still in touch with the old AP 12 teacher.

Regardless, his class was a breeze. Mr. Hansen had some strange obsession with poems and had stayed on the topic well past the allotted materials. Now he was just pulling whatever he could out of his ass which would—inevitably—fuck the rest of his students over when the exams came. Poems were only a brief subject in the materials Miss Yung had sent him, and he was made well aware of how much Mr. Hansen abandoned in his pursuit of more poems.

“I can’t believe we’re doing this again.”

Caleb shared a knowing glance with his deskmate, Tiffany. Her Hazel eyes glimmered with hostility while angered reds brushed over the coffee tones of her skin. A rich contrast that often left Caleb staring for far too long.

“Mm. Yeah, this dude’s gonna screw us all over when it’s time to take the exam,” Caleb offered, though he knew she was the other student requesting help from Miss Yung. As far as he was aware, they were the only two with any hope of passing the exams. “Guess it doesn’t matter much to the only person who won’t be paying for it.”

Tiffany nodded in a you’re telling me kind of way, not bothering to hide the snicker of agreement that escaped her lips. It dissolved along with her adorable little smile when a sharp voice snapped through the classroom.

“Kowalczyk, Whitmore, quiet!” Hansen barked, directing the class’s attention to them.

Caleb shied away from the sudden prying eyes, but Tiffany met each stare with a spark of defiance in hers. She didn’t say anything to Hansen but did exchange an apologetic glance with Caleb as soon as the asshat had returned to the holographic whiteboard. Caleb only shrugged in response. Not like it was actually her fault.

Distraction now gone, Caleb’s mind began wandering back to this morning and he found himself getting kicked by his conscience again. Every word out of his mouth filled him with guilt.

Rainie and Spencer were the only two that immediately realized Caleb had become the football team’s most delectable target, even though the actual reasons had nothing to do with his looks, or his personality, or his popularity. It was something else entirely. Something he didn’t want anyone to know about. Not even the people closest to him.

One would think that his fellow teammates—none of whom seemed to have issues with him—would intervene upon noticing the abuse. They didn’t. Or, well, Corwin did? Technically? If the team captain only stepping up to ensure his star player wasn’t too injured to play counted.

Regardless, Caleb needed to think of how exactly he was going to apologize to Spencer in his next class. Odds were, Caleb’s mild stutter would create a mess of words and embarrassment until Spencer immediately softened up like the mushy guy he was and apologized in Caleb’s stead. Spencer would look at Caleb with those pretty sea-green eyes and his brows would furrow ever-so-slightly with unearned guilt. Then, as he usually did, he’d ruffle Caleb’s hair despite knowing he hated it and apologize, even when he wasn’t the one at fault. Like clockwork, every single time….

The bell made Caleb flinch and he realized he was staring off into the distance, rolling his lip between his teeth. His cheeks were warmer than he cared for and he cursed at himself. He needed to stop thinking about Spencer that way. Their friendship was something Caleb just couldn’t afford to lose.

The loss of time had Caleb exiting the room just slightly behind the other students filtering into the hallway. His height put him at a mild disadvantage over his peers so getting out of class right as the bell rang was preferable. Luckily, his second class of the day was just around the corner and Mrs. Wagner was smiling as she waved her students through the door.

“Guten Morgen, Caleb. Wie geht’s?” she greeted, expecting a reply as she always did.

“Mir geht’s gut,” Caleb replied without much thought, immediately hearing how off the pronunciation was. Thankfully, she only gave a stern look before moving to the next student, allowing him to swipe his student ID into the attendance system and slip into the classroom.

“She grows wise to your antics,” Spencer laughed as soon as he saw Caleb. “You’ve been in this class for three, long years, and that’s the only answer you know? Come on man.”

Slightly confused that Spencer wasn’t absolutely livid with him for his earlier behavior, Caleb shrugged. “I don’t actually care about learning German. I’m only doing it because my parents want me to.”

Spencer shook his head in mock dismay. “One day, man. She’s gonna catch on to you.”

Caleb shrugged again as he settled into his seat. “Let her. We’re almost out of this hell hole anyway.”

Spencer laughed again, but the smile quickly faded and the look Caleb knew was coming formed. “Look, I’m sorry. About this morning. I know I can be a little—”

“N-No, no. I, um…it’s not your f-fault,” Caleb interrupted, his annoying stutter already making its appearance. “I-I didn’t mean it. Um, insinuating that you d-didn’t care. Your asthma, a-and…I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

Spencer smiled in that all-too-trusting way that he did whenever forgiveness wasn’t even a question. Guaranteed without any promises or further admissions. It made Caleb’s heart flutter, something he stopped with a clench of his jaw as he brushed the surging feelings aside.

The facade crumbled as soon as Spencer began ruffling Caleb’s hair. Just like clockwork. The latter grimaced, while the former showed off the mischievous glint in his eyes.

Caleb couldn’t destroy the shy grin playing on his lips, so instead he hid it with a sigh just as the tardy bell rang. One poor soul didn’t quite make it to the attendance portal on time, his student ID hanging from faltering hands. Even if Mrs. Wagner wasn’t giving him the harshest glare Caleb had ever seen from a teacher, the guy couldn’t do anything but take the tardy via the newer red screen on the monitor.

Odds were pretty high that the school would notify his parents.

Caleb shivered at the thought. Fear coursed through his veins, turned them into steel rods that rang tension over even the smallest of muscles. He couldn’t even imagine what would happen if his parents found out about such transgressions.

Wagner had already started her lesson when Spencer’s hand brushed against Caleb’s. Caleb flinched at the contact which only made Spencer’s already-worried expression deepen.

“Are you alright?” Spencer asked quietly.

Caleb wasn’t. He knew his sister and best friend would both want to know why things were back to usual. And Caleb didn’t really want to explain the real reason they had reverted to the status quo. But it wasn’t like he lied either.

Miss Canter was standing at the door every day last week. Hadn’t even seemed affected by her new assignment, just giving her signature sweet smile and wave whenever a student approached the doors. It had been nice, showing up on school grounds without immediately being cornered to answer requests he really didn’t want to.

Why the school removed her without pulling another teacher to take her place, Caleb wasn’t sure.

What he did know was that Arnold and Ellias weren’t on him this morning just because the teacher was gone. They were upset because Caleb had managed to slip out of their fingers for one sickeningly brief moment in time without paying dues he never asked to pay. He hated the idea that it might become necessary once again, his intestines recoiling at the mere thought of it.

Rainie couldn’t know about it, and Spencer definitely couldn’t know about it. None of it.

“I’m ruffled up,” Caleb said slowly, carefully. “But it’s not like it’s any worse than usual, so…”

Spencer frowned. “You know that won’t be enough to satisfy Rainie, right?” He troubled his lip for a moment before adding, “Honestly, it’s not enough for me either.”

Caleb did know that. He knew it all too well. But it didn’t change the fact that they could never, never know the truth. The fear of them finding out brought forth irritation that bloomed anger. Maybe that was the real reason behind Caleb’s furious outbursts. Fear.

“Caleb?” Spencer pressed, only furthering the growing storm in Caleb’s heart. “Did you hear me?”

Caleb let out a low growl. “Yeah, I heard you. Now, let me focus so I can stop saying the same damn phrase every time Wagner greets me.”

Spencer seemed displaced at the hostility in Caleb’s voice but didn’t get the chance to reply.

“Kowalczyk, Fernsby! Sei ruhig, wenn ich am Sprechen bin!”

Caleb shrank back in his seat. Whether it was the sudden turning of heads in his direction for the second time that day, or a desperate need to escape the hurt in Spencer’s sweet eyes, Caleb didn’t know. All he knew is that he was in the wrong. Again. And he didn’t know if he’d ever be in the right.