Jonquil- The Shadows Dance 

I don’t recall much about actually shifting. It was intensely painful. Evangeline and my mother tried to help me relax. I tried! Father was keeping guard. He reminded me so many times how vulnerable an Alpha, or any wolf really, is during their first shift. I think I blacked out. I woke up to the weirdest feeling ever. I was not in control. I could see, hear, smell, feel EVERYTHING! But the tail wagging and cheek kissing, nuzzling mother’s wolf, and howling with my father, it was Evangeline.  

“Come, come,” she pulled me forward. Everything became clearer, more vibrant than I had ever experienced as a human. Evangeline remained in control but being pulled forward felt more like being in a passenger seat rather than the back seat.  

“I.. Can I pull you forward too?” I suddenly realized how far away I had kept her. She is a part of me, and I am a part of her.  

“Yes! But don’t worry about that right now. Watch this!” Evangeline leapt in the air, landing gracefully, and taking off at full speed. Mom and Dad’s wolves sped along with us, Zion taking the lead and Whisper on his flank.  

We threaded our way through the woods, touching base with many of our wolf families in their own little groupings. We came to the small lake in our territory. We grew up fishing and swimming here, but now, seeing it at night through Evangeline’s eyes, it became the most beautiful sanctuary after the long run. Any other wolves stopping to rest under the full moonlight kept their distance.  

Whisper lapped up the cool water, and we followed suit. In a moment of stillness, I saw my wolf’s reflection. She was large, although still smaller than Zion and Whisper, covered mostly in the softest dark brown fur. There were places where it became so dark it appeared to be black, but the most stunning thing was the left side of her face. A large white patch of fur encircled most of it. Her eye on that side was a clear bright blue surrounded by white fur. On the right, an equally bright golden eye peering from the darkness. Evangeline is piebald, just like me. Except she doesn’t have makeup to hide it, like I do. Looking at her though, I feel like I can finally see the beauty mom always talks about.  

I looked at Whisper, a large golden colored wolf with blue eyes. She seemed to smile, like she knew I finally saw it her way. I could feel her mind reaching out to me, but it wasn’t clear. I knew it wouldn’t be. Mind linking isn’t an automatic skill. Still though we looked in unison as Zion touched our minds briefly as well. Zion is a larger wolf than Whisper, all black, and with deep golden eyes. He was staring off at a lone wolf who seemed to come too close for his comfort.  

The wolf laid in submission, showing Zion that he would not come closer. He just watched us. He is of Alpha descent, that much is clear by his size, larger than Whisper. His thick grey fur was well kept, which is a sign he’s not rogue. His grey eyes locked onto mine for a moment. This was the first time it occurred to me, could this be Ares’ wolf? 

“Nope. There’s no mate bond with that wolf.” Evangeline spoke as if she was unimpressed by him. “Mate will be larger than him.” 

“Ares scares me, Evangeline.” I admit it, solemnly.  

“I know, dear, but the Moon Goddess knows what she is doing when she puts the bond in place. We are her children. She knows us better than we know ourselves.” I can feel the comfort she’s trying to give me with her words.  

If our Goddess knows me, she knows the bond is not what I want. Why would she give me a bond I don’t want? Am I meant to reject him? But she also would know that he would do anything to prevent that. I look again at the grey wolf. A feeling of relief and understanding washed over me. I don’t have a mate bond with him, but, for a moment, I felt like he was the only one to understand how I was feeling. I wanted to know his scent. 

Evangeline seemed to agree as we stood and tentatively took some steps toward him, sniffing the air. He stood and did the same. Before we got close enough, though, he darted into the forest. We gave chase, Zion and Whisper close behind. The grey wolf seemed to be playing as his path through the woods was erratic, circling a few times and doubling back. He looked like he was having a very good time teasing his future Alpha. Evangeline and I were enjoying it, but we wanted to “win.”  

Being familiar with the forest gave us that opportunity. He made a wrong turn, but, of course, he didn’t know it was a wrong turn. We broke off to the right, Zion went left, and Whisper stood her ground behind us. As the grey came skidding to an unexpected stop. 

Teetering on the edge of blackened concrete walls, the grey wolf stared into the burned-out husk of the old packhouse. He had just barely stopped before running headlong into the charred remains of the basement. It would not have trapped him, or even hurt him to have fallen in. It was, though, unexpected and a good time to ambush him. Zion and Evangeline leapt simultaneously toward him. Whisper, however, did not. The grey wolf took the opening and bounded back into the woods.  

We turned and looked to Whisper. She sat right there, tail wagging, tongue lolling from her mouth, and smiling. I could feel mom touch my mind again. I know what she was trying to say even without hearing it. “That was fun. Now it’s time to go.” Real practical, mom. Evangeline and I sighed in unison while Zion pretended to be distracted by something else.  

The walk back to the clearing where we had left our clothing was quiet. My mind is going back and forth from the blue-eyed stranger to the grey wolf. Were they the same? But the stranger was supposed to be delivering food, would he be back by now? His size was also on my mind. Why would an Alpha join a new pack as a regular wolf? Perhaps an uncooperative son from a more old-school pack. Is Ares of Alpha descent? He is new, too.  
 

Shifting back was painful, but I didn’t black out this time. Mentally it was exactly like switching drivers. Physically it was bones, tendons, ligaments, and muscles all reshaping. Some growing, some shrinking. It was natural because it is our nature, but unnatural as we are the only ones gifted with shifting. Most humans fear us and believe we’re just scary stories.  

There was a time when we intermingled much more than now. The old packhouse is evidence of what happens when the wrong humans find us. Everyone in the pack is told the story from a young age, even the humans that live among us. As a society the humans have developed advanced technology specifically for the use of killing others. Even as we adapt some of it for ourselves, there are far too many humans designing these things for us to keep up. It’s best to just keep to ourselves as much as possible. 

Lying in bed after a hot shower, I let my mind wander back to Ares. Is he attractive because he’s attractive, or because of the bond? The feeling is intoxicating. Thinking about the tingly feeling on my skin, his voice warm and safe, and then his eyes. I didn’t know they would make me second guess my own dreams.  

Does it mean I love him? What if he likes to kick kittens? I couldn’t love someone who is violent towards the innocent and vulnerable. Humans say that love is patient, but this bond is anything but. I need it, though. I need patience. I am not ready to lose my sense of self before I even really develop it. He said there’s no rush.