I held his hand tightly and stifled the embarrassed giggle that tried to escape my lips. I’d never even held a man’s hand like this before, let alone snuck out into the warm inky evening.

“How much further?” I asked as we hurried along the street and out of sight.

“We’ll hide between the trees along the river,” Chouhei said quietly, trying to tamper down his excitement. We’d made it this far without being caught. “Nobody will see us there.”

Chouhei’s hand was strong yet gentle, holding onto mine. He never walked so fast that I couldn’t keep up in my wooden geta. The shoes tapped down the street, echoing in the quietness. A kind soul at heart, I could almost forget he was a soldier.

Tonight he was without armour or weapons, just thin cloth between myself and him. Soon he would go off to yet another skirmish and fight battles for daimyo and warlords. It was important, he told me, and I’m sure it was to him, but I just wanted another moment, another day with him. What if he kissed me? I would not want to let him go. If he died in battle, whoever would take my broken heart? I had already decided it was all for him.

It was scandalous, really, sneaking out of my home to be here with him. If we were caught I would bring much shame… but right now, in this moment, with the no moon to betray us, I didn’t care.

I trusted each step we took, leaving the main street and following a worn dirt path made by the farmers. It was harder to see out here, especially with the long fields of crops to hide us, and, who was awake to spot us now?

From the path, we made our way onto the soft grass and towards the darker shadows of the trees. During hot days, sometimes the children came out here to play, keeping out of the way of the busy farmers. Other times the workers rested under the shady branches, refreshed by the deep stream that cut through the town. In the darkness, however, the black branches reached out and fear began to creep into my heart.

“Are you sure this is right? What if there are ronin around? Or what if Iga-san is patrolling around here again? He will report you.”

“Okina, trust me,” he said gently. He stopped and took both of my hands. “You wanted to be alone, and this is the perfect place. Nobody can bother us here so we can be ourselves without comments.” He leant in close and I could feel his warm breath tickling my skin. “There are only a few more nights now until I leave; we should spend them together.”

I nodded. He was right. I shouldn’t let my fear get in the way.

“I’m sorry. Let’s continue.”

Even in the darkness I could tell Chouhei was smiling. “Good. We are nearly there now.”

My geta sunk deeper into the grass as we approached the safety of the oak trees. The stream always made the earth softer, and it had been raining heavily recently. One wrong step and I could slip. My mother would question me until morning if I went back with a twisted ankle.

I stepped away from the grass to the harder earth at the base of a tree. The low branches and thick leaves ensured we were finally out of sight.

It wasn’t often that I visited this side of the town, and the last time I had enjoyed the smell of the sesame growing in the nearby fields. Now a different smell lingered, rotten and foul. I wanted to suggest continuing on, but this really was the perfect place to hide.

“How long before we have to sneak back?” I asked, hoping our time could last all night long. I worried too, but tried desperately to push it away. I’d waited all day for this.

“Okina,” he said, pressing a finger to my lips. “Please, no more worrying.”

I spoke against his finger, “I don’t want you to risk a punishment because of me.”

“Too late.” He sighed dramatically and I could just about see a smile on his lips. “I already suffer punishment every time I’m away from you. My heart aches when I can’t see you, and even more so when I see but can’t touch you.”

I laughed and stared down at the vague dark shape of my feet. “My mother worries that my heart would break if I gave it to a soldier. What if you die in battle?”

“And what do you think?”

“I think that…” Heat filled my cheeks. I couldn’t tell him what I really thought! It was shameful to be so open with feelings. Instead thought about him leaving. “I am going to miss you.”

Chouhei let go of me. The cool air reached my slightly sweaty fingers and I missed his touch. But his hand quickly returned to my skin, cupping my chin and lifting it to face him.

“Is that all you’re thinking?”

My face burned hotter. He was going to kiss me this time, I was sure of it. Oh, my heart was pounding away in my chest and was I really ready to know what it was like? What if I didn’t like it?

“I—”

Chouhei didn’t wait for me to say any more before his lips moved closer. I closed my eyes, heartbeat thrashing away faster in my chest.

Oh I am certainly in love.

His lips descended on mine and pressed against them soft at first, slowly growing with hunger. The air around me suddenly chilled and every small touch made my skin burn deliciously hotter. Why did he have to leave me behind?

Chouhei broke the kiss and I gasped, trying to catch my breath.

“I will miss you too. But I will promise I’ll fight bravely and return to you, my love.”

I smiled as my insides twisted and turned in happiness. He really said it! “Is that what I am now?” I asked coyly, making sure what I heard was really true.

“Yes, of course.” Chouhei smiled and ran a thumb down my cheek. His face was beautiful, round and soft. “And soon we won’t have to hide away in dark surrounded by… whatever that smell is.”

“I thought it was only me who could smell it,” I said laughing all too easily now. He was all I wanted. “I didn’t realise the fields were so stinky.”

“They’re not normally,” he said, voice trailing off. Chouhei let go of me and turned around. “I think I smell burning.”

I sniffed the air. Still the rotten smell lingered, but I couldn’t smell burning. Instead it felt colder, like a chill winter wind. Chouhei started to walk away and I grabbed his arm.

“Don’t leave me.”
“Then come with me. I need to make sure nothing is burning.”

I frowned. “But you’d see it, surely?”

“Not always.” Chouhei reached for my hand gripping tight to his grey yukata. “Are you coming?”

I whimpered but nodded. I didn’t want to stand here alone in the darkness. Together we stepped closer to the stream still gurgling away. I tried to look out for anything, but everything was muted grey in the deep evening.

He paused.

“Chou—”

“I’m sure it’s nothing.” Taking my shoulders, he turned me around and pushed my back lightly. “Let’s go back this way.”

A giggle.

I froze. Was someone else here?

“Okina, go home.” Chouhei’s voice was gruffer than I’d ever heard before.

I couldn’t move. Not even to grab for his hand.

The air chilled deeper as a blue light illuminated the trees in front of me. Chouhei wrapped his arms tight around my waist and started to lift me, his breath heavy in my ears. He stopped. Whined. Held so tight I couldn’t turn back.

“Cho-Cho—”

He lay heavy against me now, I had to hold him up. Too heavy. All I could do was lower him to the ground as his weight pushed me down. He slipped out of my arms and landed with a hard thump, head smacking against the tree trunk.

“Chouhei?” I whimpered, kneeling down to shake him, rolling him onto his back. Tears flooded my eyes. “P-Please answer me.”

His back burnt blue as fire rose, pooling into a large ball of flame. I stared. Screamed. Scrambled backwards away from it all. An airy sound filled my ears, giggling over and over. I kept moving, crawling, my yukata opening and bare knees hitting the dirt. I made it as far as the stream before stopping, trying to catch a breath as I shook with fear. The blue light vanished. I scanned around and saw nothing. Just blackness.

“No, no it’s wrong. This is wrong,” I cried.

The rotting smell was stronger here, putrid and overpowering. Tearful coughs racked my chest. Food started to rise from my stomach. I bent over and spat it over the grass, planting my hand down to steady myself. A cold wetness covered my skin. Once my stomach had emptied I pulled it back away, bringing a fresh wave of rottenness.

Giggling.

No. No. No.

Blue light flooded the area once again. It rose as fire from the body slumped far from me. Chouhei. The fire split again and again into smaller flames, spreading out, heading closer. Beside me illuminated a new figure. I stared. He was dead, eyes open, blood coating the grass. His mire now slick on my fingers. I backed up further, falling into the stream, the blue flames following me. They danced in the air, growing brighter still until all I could see was blue. One dipped down fast towards my face, flames licking my skin as it brushed my cheek. I gasped. Choked on freezing air.

Tired. I was so tired.

My ears rang with fervent giggling as they darted around again, diving through my pink yukata into my arms, legs... My back exploded in pain. I cried out for Chouhei, for anyone, to hear me, to save me.

Again and again they came and I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer. Even with my eyes shut I could still see the bright blue light.

Feeling ebbed away.

Just light, only light.

Mother had always warned me not to go out at night.

I should have stayed at home—