It wasn’t all that long of a train ride home – just two hours – which meant I was early enough to go with my family to church. Because of that, I dressed in dress pants, a nice shirt and a nice jacket, my necklace kept tucked under my shirt.

Everything else was in my suitcase, my dorm cleared out. My little binder of filthy Terrance pictures was at Terrance’s apartment, since I got paranoid about someone finding it, but both of my comms were tucked into my suitcase along with the books I was reading, my new clothes and the little gifts I brought home for my nieces and nephews. I sent Terrance a message of the comm he had given me once my train arrived, telling him I’d call him when I could and to pick up the freaking comm when I called because I didn’t know when I’d get to sneak away to call again. He sent back a picture of him kissing the pendant I got him and I smirked before I turned it off, sticking it back into my suitcase as I waited for my Dad to pick me up.

Like usual, he was a man of few words, but that was okay – I could be to.

At least, with him I was.

The drive home was nostalgic after I had been in the city for the past year, having been to busy with school work to come home for Christmas.

I really hoped that I would get to bring Terrance here one day. I mean, half the town were members of my parent’s church, but the other half weren’t, and...and I figured if I could warm up Dad up to the idea of me having a novus mate – and a male – then I could warm up others.

I had read a lot of books about telling your parents about your sexuality, and I think I had a couple of useful tools, but the most important thing I think was to choose the right time, and so I needed to just sort of...ease him into it. I figured I’d start with saying I made friends with Terrance after he helped me with my terrible stalker, and hoped I could just...go from then after a couple of months.

When we got home, I saw my Mom coming down the lawn to me with a big smile and I quickly got out of the car, grabbing my bag from my feet before I opened my free arm. Mom ran to me and held me tightly, pulling back to hold my face in her hands with an affectionate ‘ooohh, my sweet baby!’ before she kissed me on either cheek, taking my hand to walk with me into the house.

I expected my eldest sister, Marylu, to be here to greet me with her kids like usual, but there was no one, and when we went inside, there wasn’t anyone either. I laughed as I put my bag down. “So what’s on the agenda first?” I said as mom let go of my hand to go into to kitchen, smoothing down her skirt. I rubbed my hands together as I went to the stairs and looked up, but heard only silence. I laughed a little as I looked around. “And where is everyone!? Marylu? Eva? Natalie?!”

“They’re at church, son.” My Dad said firmly from the kitchen, sternly. “Come in here and sit down.”

Oh lord.

I was going to get a talk.

Well – I mean – I expected that. They probably wanted to try and get me baptized again this holiday weekend, so getting it over now was probably a good thing. I sighed as I went and sat down across from my Dad at the kitchen table, lacing my fingers together and setting them on the table to give his blank stare a little smile.

He stared at me in silence for a long minute, which was weird, because he usually just went into a whole thing, but now he was quiet.

And I think that was a good sign!

He didn’t look like he was going to argue. He didn’t look like he was going to get angry. He looked resigned. Maybe this year away from home really helped him accept that...I was a person with my own path or whatever.

I looked between him and Mom, Mom looking me over carefully with a little smile as she sat to my Dad’s right, reaching over to take where his hand was on the table.

Dad squared his shoulders and then said firmly “We’ve signed you up for the colony.”

I stilled, “The what?”

“The colony.” He stressed, tapping a finger against the table, his other hand holding mom’s hand tighter. “The sapien colony the country shares with Campora. We’ve signed you up to join.”

I blinked, struggling as he stared at me. “The Jewish or the Muslim one?” Because my father hated both of those groups and I was super confused now.

Dad gave me a scathing look. “They’re starting a Christian one again, son. And you’re going.” He said sharply.

I sat back, staring at him. “But if I go into the colony...you’d never…” I shook my head a little. “If I went to the colony, you guys would never see me again.” I said slowly, looking to mom to see her gaze was directed down. “You’d never get to talk to me again. I’d be gone forever.”

“And we’ve weighed that, but they don’t allow homosexuals in the colony, so that will remove all temptation for you.” Dad said as he stared at me. I slowly looked from mom to Dad. “They’ll kill you if you behave in a homosexual manner, so either way, you’ll be good in God’s eyes and you won’t be shaming our family.”

I deflated as I stared at him. “So if it means I won’t be homosexual, then you’d be okay if you never saw me again?” I asked with a little laugh, my stomach knotting as I realized that he wasn’t messing we me, and this wasn’t a threat. It was locked in, and they were seriously, seriously sending me away to a place where there would be no hope of them ever seeing or hearing from me again. “You’d be fine with me just...disappearing, if that meant that I …. I wasn’t a homosexual?”

“Yes.” He said simply without missing a beat, mom closing her eyes as she nodded her head a little. “Your soul is more important to me than your face or your voice, son. I love you, but I am deeply, deeply worried about how eternity is going to be for you and your flammable soul.” He stared at me when looked to my Mom, who sat there in silence, staring down at her lap with a little frown, her chin tucked low. “You don’t think we know about you and Liliport’s MAN?” My gaze snapped back to my Dad as my stomach sank. He stared at me without blinking. My mom slowly looked to me then. “You really think that you were careful? That no one would catch on when you two where playing grab ass in the bookstore, and acting vulgar in the theaters?”

Vulgar in the theaters-

Oh, right.

When we had snuck off to the bathroom and messed around on Terrance’s birthday when they were showing footage from the war that they just ended to celebrate the first anniversary of it ending. He had gotten really excited at seeing battle footage and had to drag me off to rough me up, fingering me while he sucked me off. I was sore for days, but it was a good sore.

B-but I guess that was vile.

I swallowed thickly, looking away.

“I love you son, and I want you to be with us in the kingdom of heaven. Homosexuals and those who lay with novus don’t get into heaven.” He said firmly, mom saying a quiet ‘no they do not, no sir.’

I deflated, slowly sinking in my chair. “Yeah…” I said, staring off in to space. “I’ve been…”

“Vulgar? Vile?” My father demanded. “A pervert?”

I was going to say busy, but- “Yeah.” I said quietly. “Yeah…” I looked to my mom to see her watching me with a sad gaze. “You’d be okay with never seeing me again?” I asked her quietly.

“I already can’t see you now.” She said just as quietly, her eyes watering as she shook her head slowly. “Do you have any idea the shame we feel at church, when people talk about you? You used to sit next to me every sermon, holding my hand while your father held my other, and this whole year, you and your immortal soul are all I’ve thought about!” He held her free hand to her heart, “The pain I feel in my heart that you are no longer one of God’s chosen children because you are being stubborn!” she cried. She shook her head hard, nodding harder. “You will go to the colony. You will have lots of beautiful, beautiful babies,” She said, her eyes watering as she smiled big and bright. “And you will be right by God again.” She reached over with her free hand and wiggled her fingers at me and I slowly reached up to take her hand. She smiled big at me, and my eyes watered as I smiled back. “You’ll go to the colony.”

“He doesn’t have a choice.” My Dad said then, and I looked to him.

And I guess…

That was it.

I was going to the new colony.

And I didn’t even get to call Terrance to say goodbye.

When they said I was going to the colony, they meant it.

We finished out talk, and then my parents walked with me to his van and on the way out, Dad picked up my suitcase with my two comms and dropped it right into the trashcan. I stared at it as mom pulled me into a hug and said she would pray for me every night, smiling as she took my face in her hands so I looked at her so she could tell me point blank to remember the family tradition of naming the first born daughter after something biblical, and if I didn’t have any daughter, then to make sure my sons all knew that they had to name our first daughter something biblical, stressing ‘no nature names’.

I numbly nodded and she kissed either of my cheeks before she helped me into the same seat I had just ridden home in.

And then Dad drove me away from my home.

We drove forever, it seemed, sitting is completely silence. He took the long way around Liliport and I wondered if that was on purpose, crossing the Mississippi and going through Claymoore, which was bittersweet. I had always wanted to see Claymoore, I heard great things about their parks, but we didn’t even get to drive past those.

We drove through a lot of empty land before we came to a massive building where a bunch of other vehicles were parked, both Campora’s flag and Victoria’s flag flying outside of it.

Someone came up to our window and my Dad told them that he was dropping me off to join the colony, providing the sapien man with paperwork that I saw from a distance had my information on it. After the man looked it over, he hand me reach out so he could stick a bracelet on me before he directed my Dad where to part.

We went into the building then and they scanned my bracelet before we went through hours of screens.

I got blood drawn – a lot of blood.

The scanned me for trackers and took the cross Terrance had given me, handing it to my Dad to have, since I couldn’t take it with me.

He threw it in the trash and I think I went into shock.

I was so cold.