The rest of the morning was spent in comfortable silence. We enjoyed the rest of our coffee, occasionally bringing up stories of my brother as the people of the town passed us by. It wasn’t a surprise that Ezra knew a few of them, a handful waving or saying hello. 

“Shall we take a walk?” He asked after fiddling with his empty coffee cup. 

I couldn’t stand up any faster, knowing my legs would fall asleep if I sat any longer. Neither of us was in a rush, casually taking the gentle path in the park. As Ezra made small talk, I couldn’t help but imagine a trail of footsteps carved into the concrete—Clary’s footsteps. It wasn’t until I nearly bumped into Ezra’s chest did I realize he had been walking backward, watching me step cautiously as if a child would hop into their parent’s footprints in the sand. 

He laughed, and I could feel the blush creeping on my face. 

But instead of him teasing me, he went back to walking normally, periodically turning back to see if I was following. There was no reason to, but it was comforting. 

“Tell me about this map. Was it really his idea?” I finally asked as we reached a quieter part of the park. “Clarence always had difficulties choosing favorites. I can’t imagine that he managed to narrow it down.”

Ezra turned around with a grin on his face. “I helped him, but it was all him. We did have to remove some of the places he originally wanted. If he had added all of them, I feared you wouldn’t be able to see the map at all. It would just be all stickers.”

I unfolded the map. “The coffee shop, I can understand. The coffee was amazing. I can’t picture him calling a hiking trail one of his favorites.”

He told me about the hiking trail. It was an easier trail near them, a twenty-minute drive from the apartment. The view was no Hollywood sign, but like the briefly viewed images on my phone last night, it appeared to have a great sunset-viewing spot. Imagining Ezra carrying my brother on his back down the trail was comical, but I’m glad Clarence had someone to go with him. 

Though Ezra didn’t elaborate, mentioning Clary’s condition made it evident that it affected Clary much more than I originally thought. It was a beginner trail that advertised itself as easy for the elderly. I only hoped that maybe he let Ezra carry him back down as a precaution, not because of a near heart attack.

Fortunately, Ezra swiftly changed the subject, discussing the abundance of museums around the neighborhood. Most were along streets near their college, ranging from specifically curated Chinese artifacts to general art museums. “I had to tell him to limit his favorites to three for the map. That or buy a larger map,” he explained. 

“Not a dinosaur museum?”

“None nearby, sadly. There’s one, maybe two hours from here. We went to see it but they were closed for renovations. He didn’t include them because they hadn’t let the general public know, and he hated that I drove him there for nothing.”

Looking down at the map, I could spot it in the upper left corner, a hand-drawn sad face near it. “There’s a spot nearby it.”

“The rose garden. It didn’t seem inviting, but the food truck place we stopped at suggested it,” he said. “Sans the near bee attack I faced, Clary had a great time. Who knew roses could smell so nice?”

I narrowed my eyes. “Bee attack?”

He shrugged. “Clary says it was the flowers on my shirt, but they seemed intent on sticking by me the entire time. I don’t even know if I’m allergic. Eventually, Clary rescued me and coerced them onto a rose bush.”

“He was always so good with insects—animals in general,” I said, remembering the days we’d spend outdoors rescuing little creatures. I always made Clarence handle them; most seemed frightened by me anyway. “He brought a few lizards back to life when we were kids. I think my mom was stoked that he possibly had a future in medicine, even if it was with animals.”

While the thought of futures and Clarence should have brought a wave of anguish, my chest felt lighter—like talking about me and my brother was letting each piece of the lingering pain and guilt fly away in the wind like a rose petal. Dwelling on it was different than remembering.

“Don’t even get me started with the pet stores and animal shelters. I don’t know whose idea it was to put them so close to the college, but he’d drag me there almost every day, wishing he could adopt them all.” Clarence had done the same when we were kids. I was extremely allergic to cats, and it wasn’t uncommon for him to beg our parents for one anyway. “The apartment and dorms we shared had an extreme no-pet policy but that didn’t stop Clary from giving me those puppy-dog eyes.”

I shook my head. “It was the elder pets, too, wasn’t it?”

“All of them. One time he brought a stray cat into our dorm. Probably the only time I really yelled at him,” he said, looking past me as if trying to remember the details. “I mean, the poor thing coulda had hundreds of diseases. There was no way we’d be able to afford medicine for the poor thing—we’re broke college kids.”

Looking back at the map, I could spot the humane society near the college. Sure enough, a little doodle of a dog with floppy ears rested next to the building. 

I don’t know how long we spent in the park, circling around a few times as I let Ezra reminisce, elaborating on both solemn and humorous stories he shared with Clary here. From the day they met at the college move-in day to their convoluted relationship with their roommate, Jayna. I didn’t say much, letting the stories simmer. I learned more and more about who Clary was as a person, far better than any eulogy speech I heard in my life. These were real moments, tangible interactions he held with people in this town that highlighted all his intricacies. 

Moments that grounded me and moments that made me appreciate the Clary I knew when we were younger—the carefree spirit who was confident in everything. Knowing he shared similar fears and anxieties I spent years attempting to suppress was bittersweet.

But Ezra made it clear. Clary was a fighter, strong and unwieldy when it came to things that should’ve stifled him. He may have insisted on keeping his condition a secret from me, but he was adamant about taking it in stride and living his best life. From the hikes or mini-adventures he’d go on with Ezra into sightseeing around town, that same carefree and positive energy from his youth remained. 

His unrelenting determination to make the best of it reminded me of Sadako and the story of the paper cranes. That in itself gave me hope that things would be okay. That I’d be okay.

Clary was still with me in spirit, and that’s all I needed. 

As we neared the park bench we sat earlier, Ezra placed a hand on my shoulder. “You alright? You got quiet; I tend to ramble.”

“I’m okay,” I told him truthfully. 

A half-smile crossed his face. “Did you want to return back to the apartment? We could look over some of his things if you’re up to it.”

My eyes trailed the map, taking in all the memories Ezra shared with him—all the little things that shaped Clarence. While they each told a story, it was the heart sticker located at their apartment that stuck with me. Amongst the plethora of dinosaurs on the map, it was the only heart sticker; a message. 

All these pieces were scattered around this town, but Clary’s heart remained there—his home with Ezra. 

Ezra was Clary’s home. 

And hearing these memories from Ezra only solidified that. 

And while I knew I’d have to collect important items from that apartment and settle the paperwork, I knew now what this trip was all about. Honoring my brother, his legacy, and the lives he touched and loved. 

And the home he found with Ezra.

I looked up to the man that had given my brother the best—who, in a world of people constantly leaving, stayed. “Let’s go.”

—

With the remaining belongings in the back seat, I placed the last box in the passenger seat. I’d return for some of the other items, and despite Ezra even offering to ship some of the smaller items, returning back here felt only right. 

There was so much I could learn from being in this town—so much about my brother and his impact on the people in his life here. Those little pieces of him, buried throughout town, just waiting for me to discover.

It was silent in the gray Altima. Only a couple of days ago, I would’ve felt stifled and annoyed by the loneliness of silence, but now, I found it soothing. Even knowing that I’d return to the bustling city life soon and return to my normal routine, I could look forward to returning here. Back to Clarence’s life and reminisce in the memories of him.

For now, I’d have a few days to explore his favorite places. Ezra had asked if I’d like him to join me, but I wanted to do this alone. Visit his favorite places as if following his footprint in the sands. Retracing memories before time eroded them like ocean waves. 

With the unfolded treasure map adorned with dinosaur stickers beside me, it felt like Clarence was sitting beside me in the rental car, a vision in which our pact of brotherhood had lived on. 

No funeral, no heart condition, no parting ways. 

I wasn’t sure where to start, but I owed it to Clary to honor our silent pact to be there for each other. I pulled out the paper crane from the dinosaur-decorated envelope, pulling the tips of its wings to return it to its shape. I set it on the dashboard, facing it toward the front window before turning to the box beside me. Almost envisioning my brother beside me, I said, “Let’s find those fossils.”