Kiara

The road to achieving honors isn’t for the faint of heart. Truth be told, most of the time I feel like I’m swimming upstream, going against a current that has it out for me in a big way.

When it comes to my studies, everything is golden. But learning how to adapt to this school and these girls is a whole other mess I could live without.

I know that I’m on the fringes of the popular crew, and it’s something that I’m used to. I don’t care about what these crusty wannabes think, so why they are so keen on coming for me is beyond my comprehension.

I know Marissa has it bad for Andre, but I also wonder if her issue goes deeper than a crush. If I’ve ever met an attention whore, it’s her. And for my life I can’t see her and Andre as an idea, let alone an actual relationship.

How self-absorbed can you be? First of all, it isn’t fault she's already made her way through half the guys on the football team, even if Andre had his sights set on me… Let's just say if he wanted her, they'd be together way before I got here.

Besides all that, Marissa just doesn't seem like his type. Rich, obnoxious, power-hungry, and spoiled. How could she even think such a gentle, down-to-earth king would flex with a mess?

Embarrassing.

Sitting at this desk, under this mountain of school work, should tell me that none of this business is any of my business, and I would do my best to keep it that way.

“You look a bit distracted over there,” Julisha chimes in, delightfully interrupting the chaos in my mind.

“The whole point of coming to this school was to take advantage of its state-of-the-art engineering program. In my mind this experience is supposed to go differently.”

“I'm forcing myself to rise to the occasion. I don't know how much more of this drama I can swallow. I didn't sign up for this, and it worries me.”

Is this what the rest of my life is gonna look like? How many Marissas are there out there? I shudder at the thought.

“If it’s all good with you, I can’t chat about this just now, girl. I’m tired, swamped and I just can’t think straight.”

“Naw, I get it, it’s cool,” she says, biting down on her pen as I carry on with my daydreams of fury.

Being equipment manager sucks. At the end of the day, I’m still stuck having to try to blend in with these snooty bitches.

I can't help but think there must be some other financial aid somewhere that can help me. This scholarship is everything—I cannot walk away now and give up on NHS.

But how do I keep this up every day for the next year? How do I keep my head high when that wench prowls around, waiting for the perfect opportunity to eat me alive?

That day in the locker room has never left me. I don't throw hands, and I don't throw words. I'm not JuJu.

"Yo, let them girls try something." She kisses her teeth, brown eyes flaming.

"I know, but I’m not about to mess in that business, three of ‘em…naw, I'm straight."

"Straight goods, they waited for me to bounce, and I just can't get right with that!"

Julisha was not a scrapper by a long shot, but I can now tell after chilling with her for so long that injustice is a no-fly zone.

"You wanna pick on a bitch, come talk to me, and I'll talk back!"

Her voice is raised as we eat the evening's mac and cheese special. Actually it’s not as remarkable as it was dry and disappointing, another win for a private school, I guess?

"For real, Juju, I know, and I love you for that, but these fools have about as much substance as jello on a hot day. It don't take too much to turn ‘em out." On those types of nights, dinner is lit.

"Guuurl hellllooo! Oh, my Lawd, whatcha doing gal?" I love this girl, though. Just when the quiet becomes too much, Julisha brings me back from the brink of self-destruction.

"Yo, I guess I got no room to complain." I can't help but sigh, and as soon as the sound escapes my lips, I see that Julisha already knows I'm full up on my bullshit.

"Ha ha!” She paused, a little sparkle in her dark eyes. "Still tryna chew up all your damn stress, huh?" She shakes her head and gives me a fake stern look. "Classes that tough?"

"It isn’t the classes," I tell her. "It's the being equipment manager. But I can't just up and quit. You feel me?"

"Yo, I was hearing about that the other day, dead ass! Marcus was saying some shit like you just quit the squad or something?"

With a lump of defeat in my throat and nowhere to hide my shame, I looked down, searching my lap for something clever to cover it up.

"Nah, I’ve never cheered before." Unable to control it, I started crying. She probably saw that coming in hindsight but was too gracious a soul to let on.

"Cmon' girl, stop your balling, lawd?”

Making every effort to avoid sounding like a whining child, I tried to explain the wicked witch of social and her three evil sisters.

"Yo…" Her brow furrows. “It's been a hot minute since we talked. I'm feeling like a bad homie for not being there for you, but hold up—but if you hate it so much why stay?"

"I need volunteer credit for the NHS scholarship. I can’t lose it and go back home to my old school. But these broads are acting like they're trying out for a Mean Girls sequel or some shit."

"Is it really that bad?" She gives me a sympathetic look.

"I've been losing sleep over the drama going down. Yesterday I even fell asleep in class."

"I ain't surprised," she says. "Can you switch to something else?"

"Nah, it’s all there is. Maybe something else later. But for now I don’t have a choice. If I quit, I will lose my scholarship. No scholarship, no college."

"Wow, mama, that's messed up," she says. "You're, like, the smartest person I know. There's gotta be other aid you can apply for."

"Nah, my mom makes too much dough for me to qualify for most aid. My Ma would have to take out a big-ass loan if I quit."

"Sheesh! I don't think Ms. G would take too kindly to that shit!" Laughing, I agreed. My mother was a patient soul, but she didn't mess.

"Honestly, I don't even wanna tell her what's going on over here. She will get in that car and come cause some ruckus over here, girl."

"That's not right," Julisha almost growls.

If my mom had to take out a loan, I'd probably be paying it back for the rest of my life.

"Maybe I should transfer somewhere cheaper. Maybe if I cried, she’d let me?"

"Don't even think about it," Julisha says, her eyes going wide and hand on her chest.

"Boo, this is your dream school. You can't give that up. All of us would give a foot for half your brain and a quarter of your talent! For real, though, I’m hella proud of you, girl!"

Even though her words are the most comfort I've felt in months, my heart is still the heaviest it's ever been.

"I might not have a choice," I sigh, rubbing my sore shoulder.

“If stress and clique bullshit are making me sacrifice my studies and mind, what's the point of being here anyway? Better to keep my 4.0 at a smaller school than fail my grades because I can't even stay awake in my favorite class.”

"Please don't give up, Keke," she begs. "This is a rough patch, but you'll get through it. I know those girls are tough and wealthy and whatever, but dawg, you’re a queen, and you’re richer than they will ever be in their whole life!"

"I'm just trying to be realistic," I say. "Something has to change."

"Maybe talk to a counselor before making any decisions?" she suggests.

"Maybe there's something you can do to fix this. Also, I know it's none of my business, but yo, stay away from this baller, dude! I don't know what kinda sunshine flows from his golden ass but trust me, girl, don't do what your sissy did. They all end up doing the same ol' shit."

I can't quite bring myself to look at her.

There's something about how Andre looks at me that makes me wonder if he actually gets it. Gets me.

She gives me a stern look and a knowing smile. "But don't you dare think you can change the subject on me just because things get tough."

"Lookay, Julisha, there's not much I can do about my drama right now. I'd rather take my mind off it for a bit." I offer a sheepish smile. "So, have you got a boy?"

"That's actually something worth talking about." She rolls her eyes. “Nope. So no double dating for us!”

“No way.”

“Yes, girl. Besides, no Andre for you. Find a different boy if you must."

"Nah." I shake my head, scratching the back of my neck awkwardly. "No time with all the crap going on."

Julisha giggles, radiating that beautiful smile I've always found so comforting. "I can't help thinking that there's some bullshit you ain't saying?"

Finding myself bashful and helpless, I gave into the schoolgirl's urge and spilled all the tea she could handle.

"I mean, girl, he is so fine! He's super sweet too, and I honestly think any girl…shit, maybe every girl in this school wants him."

"Okay, well, yo, straight talk, Keke. If your heart is about this man, then you need to follow that and do what's right for you. But the same goes if he's too much drama. You still gotta do what's right even though it may hurt. You feel me, though?"

That’s JuJu in a nutshell, super open, wise, and loving, but the girl always knows how to bring me back down to earth.

“Has that Dontae fool been making you more problems since yesterday?” she asks.

“Nah, it’s been cool. I mean yo, okay he definitely gives me ick, that’s a true story, but as long as he keep his ass over there, we good.”

“Yeah, I’m happy I was at least there for you, that shit got awkward.”

“Awkward you say? I was halfway running as soon as I saw him heading toward me. By the way, what’s up with the people here on that shit?”

“What do you mean?” Julisha giggles. “Not everyone is creepy and weird and shit, don’t worry!”

“Naw, but they sure like to sneak up on a bitch,” I reply, thinking about my locker room encounter with Marissa.

“Yeah, I guess you gotta watch for that, but while we talking about watching, Marissa sure did notice your boy Andre noticing you.”

“Yeah, don’t remind me,” I add, starting to lose faith in the prospect of my future at this school.

Deciding that I would give myself the night to sleep on it, I crack open AP math and put Big M on the back burner.

Just then, we hear a rustle behind the door and I look at Julisha who is as confused as me.

“Yo, who be playin at the door though, it’s past my bedtime and shit,” she says as she gets up to fetch a letter that’s made its way to us.

“What is this? What fresh hell is this?”

Watching her read the letter, I take it that it’s not a long note from a secret admirer, come to profess his undying love for us. My stomach is sick. Looking worried and avoiding my eyes, Julisha hands me the note. “Here, read.”

Taking the letter up, it’s fairly clear what kind of message this admirer has for us, for me.

Massive slut, and everyone knows it!

I'll be damned if this bitch is going chase me out.