“Oliver I do not wanna do this,” Sebastian whined, hiding beneath the blankets on his bed.
“We have a flight to Denver in 3 hours, Bas I need you to get up,” sighing, I ripped the blankets off, Sebastian kicking his legs in protest, “What in the world are ya wearin’?”
“My pajamas?” he yawned, pulling the hood up.
Sebastian was wearing a soft blue hooded sweatshirt with matching shorts that came no further than the middle of his thighs but what had nearly forced a giggle from me was the fact the hood had small bear ears.
“It’s cute. Come on. Really. I know how difficult ya are to wake up after two months of livin’ together. But I promise to buy ya a muffin and a matcha latte on our way to the airport.”
Sebastian grumbled for a moment before nodding, finally opening his eyes, “Fine. I’ll get up.”
“You’re my assistant. Shouldn’t you be waking me up?” I sat on the end of the bed as he climbed out of it, stretching slowly onto his tiptoes, his back popping.
“And I do. Most days. But you do not wake up at the asshole of dawn.”
“It’s 5! It’s only an hour difference,” I snorted, scratching Aldo who came bouncing into the room to see Sebastian.
“Be quiet,” he grumbled, shoving me gently and I had a flashback to the first day we met, wanting to bend him over my leg and swat him for bullying me.
“Bas, ya can’t push me like that. It can trigger my issues with anger. Please keep that in mind, okay?” I whispered, staring at my shoes.
“Ah. I forgot we act so casually I didn’t… I apologize.”
“I’m not upset. I just don’t want to do anything that will hurt or frighten ya.”
“I’m not afraid of you, Oliver,” he climbed onto the bed behind me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, “how could I be? You remind me of Aldo. Bouncing around happily when you see me, but you defend those you care for so deeply that it’s frightening. He tried to attack someone who ran up on me yesterday. They just wanted to ask directions but the fact that they ran up out of nowhere triggered him and he jumped in front of me, snarling. It was something you would have done.”
“Wait… he did that?” I turned my head, my breath catching in my throat when I realized how close his cheek was to my lips.
“Yes?”
“He once let Lauren get mugged because he was trying to eat a hotdog out of the gutter. He had no bond with her. If Aldo is defendin’ ya the way he does me, it means he cares for you deeply. Sees ya as a member of his family.”
“Oh,” Sebastian giggled and reached over to scratch Aldo, his other arm still around me to hold himself up, “Oh you are a sweet boy. Merci, Aldo.”
Aldo gently licked Sebastian’s hand before walking away and I rubbed my forehead against Sebastian’s neck, his warmth flooding me.
“Oliver,” Sebastian giggled, “your hair is tickles.”
“Ah,” I smiled, “I’m so sorry. Can we go now? I don’t want to miss the flight.”
“Let me put my pants on. I’m wearing my sweater. Please get out.”
“Right, that would be inappropriate…”
“Yes. It would. So go on.”
“Uh… I can’t,” I laughed loudly.
“Huh? Why?”
“Because you’re slung over my back like a monkey, Bas. Ya have to let me go.”
“But… I don’t want to,” he hugged me tighter and my heart leaped even higher into my throat, “you smell so good.”
“I got a new cologne.”
“No that’s not it,” gently, he sniffed along my shoulder and my hair, “it’s you. That’s why I keep smelling zeder. It’s pretty. Not what I would expect your natural scent to be.”
“Ah… yeah.”
It’s been two fucking months of this Bas!
It’s killing me!
“Alright, I gotta get ready, you are right. So go,” he released me and I headed out of his room in a hurry, stumbling into the kitchen and grabbing my anxiety medications and taking two.
I had called my therapist a week ago to ask why being around Sebastian triggered me so badly and he stated that until I shared with Sebastian that he highly resembled my ex-boyfriend, Skylar, I was going to have a hard time separating them as different entities. Sebastian had an entirely different personality from Skylar, as well as hair and eyes, but there were little quirks that were identical that continued to confuse me. The way Sebastian organized his bedroom, chewing on his sleeves, separating his food out so that it didn’t touch. All of it was the same as Skylar and it was confusing my brain, forcing my anxieties to trigger and be stronger than they had been before.
“Oliver?” Sebastian called from his bedroom door, his backpack slung over one shoulder, “Are you okay?”
“Yes,” clearing my throat, I threw the bottle of pills into my bag, “I apologize. I just had a strange feeling and thought it was best to use my medication.”
“Was it me slapping you?”
“Of course not. You were joking around. Just needed it, that’s all.”
“Are you worried about moving to Colorado? That means the person you have feelings for will be far away.”
“No they’ll be in Colorado too,” I smiled, grabbing Aldo’s leash.
I have been giving you subtle hints for months, Bas.
You aren’t stupid in the slightest.
Please gather my meaning!
“Oh do they work for Parallel!” he gasped, “oh let me introduce you please!”
“I told you,” opening the door to the penthouse, I took one last look around before leading him to the elevator, “I want them to realize and come to me.”
“Well… okay. I’ll stop pushing,” he smiled, his mismatched eyes lighting up, “I just want you to feel joy.”
“Be happy. But yes. I know. I’m plenty happy though, Sebastian.”
“I hope so.”
We reached the airport a bit later, Sebastian wiggling happily in his seat at the gate as he ate his muffin and drank his latte and I watched him fondly, wanting nothing more than to hold his hand.
“You did not get breakfast?” He tilted his head confused.
“I’m not hungry. Plus with the time difference, it’ll still be breakfast when we get to Colorado. I’ll eat there.”
“Here,” he took one last bite of his muffin and held the remaining quarter to me, “eat.”
“It’s yours. I’m okay,” I smiled.
“Please?” He pouted, reminding me of a cherub and I took it quickly, popping it into my mouth as he giggled softly, “Merci. I worry.”
“I know ya do,” smiling, I softly patted his hand, “You’re just doing your job.”
“Non. I feel this need to ensure you’ve eaten, that you’ve slept. I need to know that you are feeling okay and having a good day. It confuses me. I haven’t felt like this since I cared for the enfant at the orphanage.”
“So I’m a child now?”
“Non,” he giggled, “not at all. Um… I do not know how to explain it properly. I am sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I hooked my finger through his and he looked at our joined hands confused before relaxing, “I do the same for ya too. Make sure ya have clean clothes, get ya special treats.”
That last part is just because I have no self-control.
Skylar ruined me.
“You do buy me a lot of things I ask for,” Sebastian leaned down to pet Aldo, his hair falling into his face, “Ton père n'a aucune maîtrise de soi et cela me fait du bien d'être gâtée. Je me demande ce que cela signifie. Tu sais ce que ça veut dire ? Bien sûr que non, tu es un chien,” he cooed softly as Aldo looked up at him confused, “oh well.”
“What did you ask him?”
“I am not sharing,” he slowly shook his head.
“Attention. Flight 1779 to Denver is now boarding first class,” an announcement came through the gate we were near and I stretched slowly, getting to my feet.
“That’s us.”
“F… first class?” Sebastian stuttered, grabbing his backpack and Aldo’s leash.
“I don’t fit anywhere else on the plane. Too tall,” I laughed and softly placed my hand on his shoulder, “it’s okay. Let’s go.”
“R… right okay.”
We finally boarded the plane and I had Sebastian take the seat close to the window so that I would have even more legroom. Aldo crawled under my legs as he was trained to do and huffed softly, relaxing on the floor of the plane.
“Oliver?” Sebastian softly touched my hand and I set my phone in my lap to look at him, “You have a strange look on your face.”
“Well… I suppose. Um… I’m not the best flier. I go on so many planes, but it still makes me nervous every time. Right now will be okay. But I ain’t lookin’ forward to our flight to Genoa. Then back home. After that we’re goin’ to Hawaii and finally Montana for Christmas. It’s a lot to do to enjoy myself with ya. That’s all. Also why I took extra anxiety pills. The takeoff and landing get to me. I can handle the turbulence though.”
“Oh, I had no idea. I did not think anything would scare you.”
“I’m afraid of the dark,” I whispered, looking at my lap, “and bein’ abandoned. I ain’t big on loud noises. That’s why the headboard on my bed has a small string of lights. I leave it on all night. I turn on the one in my ensuite too. Leave the door cracked. It’s ridiculous, I know. I’m thirty-one but I can’t help it.”
“Spiders,” Sebastian shuddered, “sudden noises. Clowns. We all have our fears. I am also afraid of abandonment. Mine comes from being raised as I was, however. What about you?”
“Silas and Serenity. Their mama. She left them on the porch of my parent's house the day after they got married. They weren’t even two yet. Not safe for them to be alone. My parents adopted them, then Winnie and I came home three months later. It gave Silas so much anger, knowin’ his mama did that. She’s my father Hunter’s younger sister and she just… left. I was always scared my parents would decide havin’ four kids so close in age would be too much and leave us somewhere after they told us the truth. I always thought I was the odd one out ‘cause we all look so different. But Hunter is my biological father. He was the donor for Winnie and me. I worked through it as I got older… until Skylar. He broke his promise. Abandoned me.”
“Oliver,” Sebastian whispered and I smiled sadly, “I am so sorry.”
“It ain’t your fault. Nothin’ ya could’ve done about it.”
“But can I do anything now?”
“Keep being my friend?”
“That I can do.”
“Good.”
The flight took off and I gripped my seat, taking deep breaths as I did my best not to panic. There was a sudden warmth on the back of my hand and when I opened my eyes I realized that Sebastian had covered my hand with his own, squeezing softly to help me feel some sense of comfort.
“Thank you,” I whispered, flipping my hand to gently squeeze his.
“De rien,” Sebastian nodded and suddenly laid his head against my arm, making me jump before I relaxed.
He’s touching me.
Comforting me.
I should be doing that for him.
He’s so much younger than me.
I have to be dependable for you, Bas.
Not the other way around.
“Are you okay?”
“I do not like the noise of the plane,” Sebastian shook his head and I let go of his hand to reach into my carry-on bag, grabbing a pair of noise-canceling headphones I carried for myself and gently sliding them onto him, “Oliver?”
I picked up my phone and typed something quickly into my notes before turning it to him.
I don’t want you to struggle with the sound. Those are Bluetooth and will connect to my tablet so you can watch whatever you want. I have my earbuds. I'll use them for my phone. It’s okay. You should have mentioned that you needed headphones. I’ll buy you a set of your own, but for now, just use mine.
“Oliver,” he smiled and softly rubbed his nose on mine, something that startled me, “Merci beaucoup. Vous êtes merveilleux. L'homme qui recevra votre amour sera la personne la plus spéciale de cette planète. J'aimerais pouvoir dire que ce sera moi. Mais vous ne me choisirez pas. Je n'ai rien d'autre à te donner que moi-même. Tu mérites mieux,” he whispered rapidly in French and for the first time in my life I was angry that the only language I knew was Italian, “Je tombe amoureux de toi.”
With shaky hands, I held my phone up again, having struggled to type what I wanted to tell him.
What is it you just said?
“I can not tell you,” he shook his head and pulled away, his entire face red, “for it is… I simply cannot.”
Will you ever tell me?
“Non. For it would be wrong. Ce n'est pas moi que vous devez choisir. J'ai trop de secrets.”
What secrets?
“Since when do you speak French?” Sebastian gasped, panic in his eyes and I slowly shook my head.
I don’t. But I knew the last sentence. I’ve heard it before. That you have too many secrets. I won’t judge you, you should know that by now. Please… when you feel ready. Tell me.
“I am… I will.”
I believe you.
“Merci,” he whispered and went back to leaning against my arm.
I handed him my tablet and slowly put my earbuds in, watching a movie on my phone as I bathed in the gentleness shared between Sebastian and myself.
I don’t care if you have secrets.
As long as you never killed someone.
There is nothing you can tell me that will ever turn me away or cause me to turn my back on you.
I hope that it’s not because someone caused you any pain though.
I never want you to be hurt, Sebastian.
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