I turned towards Liam trying to figure out why he would bring me here of all places after everything. 

Liam simply sat there looking back at me his face devoid of emotion other than the obvious exhaustion. He broke eye contact first as he turned and got out of the car leaving me to stare at the seat he had vacated still confused. Just being there made every fiber of my being start to wake up making me want to run before life came crashing back down. I had been on autopilot for too long now though and found that my body refused to do what I wanted and instead allowed itself to be led out of the car and into the building.

Liam’s hand was once more on my elbow guiding me along as the older boy ordered something I couldn’t hear before leading the way over to a mostly clean table near the soda fountain and depositing me in one of the hard metal chairs. I tried escaping back into my mind, letting myself get lost inside my own head like I had been for weeks now but being there was too much. Everything in the small dining area was steeped in memories from the countless Tuesdays that had spent here.

We had sat at every table, gone through the menu multiple times, and tried every new creation they came out with before returning to our favorites. When was the last time we had done any of that? Four weeks, it had somehow only been four weeks since my last visit which somehow seemed like both an eternity and not nearly enough time. If four weeks had felt like this then what would four months feel like? Four years? Forty years? 

Was it going to get easier or just be more of the same? 

Liam came back to the table with a black plastic tray carrying two full cups along with six tacos, three hard and three soft. He didn’t say anything as he sat across from me and began separating the items between us. One drink each, hard tacos for him and soft tacos for me. He even went so far as to unwrap a straw and stick it into my drink before doing the same with his own, differing sounds as he inserted them letting me know that mine didn’t contain any ice.

It felt so similar but at the same time, it was all completely new.

Reaching out I began unwrapping the first taco which opened up as soon as the wrapper was pulled back revealing its ingredients. No tomatoes. Across from me, Liam plunged his hand into his hoodie pocket pulling out a handful of sauce packets that he deposited on the table between us before separating them out like he had everything else, Mild for me and Hot for him.

My mind was trying to make sense of everything as we ate together silently. Even if it was Tuesday I didn’t understand why we were there. This part of our life had ended, the connections I had to Liam no longer existed but still, we were there. Not only that but without my realizing it Liam had seemingly learned things about me.

In the end, we stayed there for ten minutes before all of the food and drinks were consumed with the silence between us continuing throughout the meal. Liam threw out our trash before leading the way back to his car his hand no longer guiding me as I followed him outside. 

During the car ride, I watched Liam, my interest in him beating out my desire to fully withdraw from the world. Every time the car stopped he would open his mouth as if to say something before closing it once more and continuing to drive. He never turned to me though, his eyes instead firmly on the road before him. 

I found myself wanting to hear what was on his mind, what had possessed him to us back to Taco Bell, to one of the places in town haunted by everything that had changed. 

Silence was all I got, and before long Liam had pulled the car off to the side of the road in front of my house. I waited as he opened his mouth once again but the words never came. Opening the car door I moved to get out of the car only to feel his hand grip my elbow once more. Liam shifted behind me until I felt his forehead pressed into the back of my shoulder blade.

“See you next Tuesday,” he said finally his voice breaking slightly as he spoke. I stayed there, willing him to say something more, to continue to pull me out of the void my life had become but silence had fallen between us again. Eventually, he pulled away from me, first his forehead and then his hand and I got out of the car. 

The door shut behind me and I made it all the way to the front door before hearing Liam pull away from the curb and driveway. 

Throughout the rest of the night, my mind continued to try and puzzle out Liam’s actions only for my thoughts to fall away as my lack of energy and motivation emptied me out once again leaving me to float through my life.