Jonatan arrived at the hotel.

Valentina was waiting for him in the hotel lobby. 

"Hi, Jonatan!" she greeted him with a big hug. "Everybody is looking lonely here. Let's go back to the room and figure out where we want to go first."

He followed her to the room. Once in the room, he went to the window and enjoyed the view from the fourth floor. She stood beside him. “Have you been here before?” she asked.

“No,” he answered. “It looks nice.”

She grabbed his hand and gently pulled him to the bed. 

“What are you doing?” Jonatan laughed.

She looked at him with an eager and excited smile.

She pulled him onto the bed with her. “Rest with me,” she said. And for a few moments, Jonatan laid beside her as they held hands. Valentina sat up and got on top of him. 

Not feeling right about the situation, he picked her up, stood up, and sat her on the bed.

“We shouldn’t do that, Vale,” Jonatan gently said.

“But I want,” Valentina replied. “Come here.”

She got up and stood in front of him. “Come on,” she said as she grabbed his hand. For a moment, Jonatan let her pull him, but then he stopped and gently took his hand back. “This isn’t right.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, but we can’t do this.”

Valentina took her dress off, leaving only underwear, and began walking toward Jonatan. There was nothing but pure seduction in her eyes. Like a deer in headlights, he froze as she wrapped her arms around him. There was a mirror beside them. “Look at yourself, Vale. You don’t want to do this.”

“Please, Jonatan.”

“I can’t.”

“What, are you not straight?” Valentina blurted.

“I am straight.”

“Well?”

Jonatan didn’t know what else to say.

“Jonatan. I love you. I don’t want any other man but you. I think about you every day. No one has treated me like you. I only want you.”

Valentina walked to the bed and sat, waiting for Jonatan to follow her.

Jonatan slowly left the room. “I will give you time to dress, then we can go somewhere fun. He closed the door behind him. He looked out the window and saw life happening down below, people going about their day.”

After a few more seconds, he went back into the room. Valentina was laying on the couch, still without her dress, scrolling through her phone. She soon sat up and began walking to her dress.  Jonatan looked at her face. There was something vengeful within her. He could see it in her silent glare. She dressed herself and without saying a word walked to the door. “Don’t follow me.”

Following behind her, Jonatan fixed her dress because she didn’t zip it up properly. He followed behind her and spoke to her, but she said nothing. “Let’s go to the movies,” he said. He followed her as they went to the mall with a theater section. She from time to time grabbed his hand to guide him through the people.

After the movie, Valentina said she felt better. She seemed better.

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” she said.

Jonatan went home. And heard nothing from Valentina. He saw that he was blocked on social media. The days became weeks.

Jonatan was grieved. He told Marcus what happened.

Over the course of this situation, Jonatan would send a message or two to Valentina every other day, just updating her on his day and hoping she is well.

One day, she replied.

They talked, but things were not quite the same. He made jokes and sometimes got her to laugh, even with the few video calls she was willing to do. He got her to sing her favorite song with him. She even unblocked him, but she didn’t follow or let him follow. She said she liked the distance.

A day came when she changed again. 

Jonatan wanted to address how distant Valentina had been.

“What do you feel?” Jonatan texted.

“Nothing.”

“You feel nothing?”

“I don’t feel anything. And I don’t feel anything for you.”

“I didn’t mean to offend you, Vale.”

“It’s better that we finish things.”

“What do you mean?”

“You go and be free, enjoy your life. And I’ll go enjoy mine.”

“You don’t want to be in my life?”

“No. I want to forget you.”

“But we are close.”

“Not anymore.”

“Don’t you love me? I don’t mean romantically.”

“No. And if I at anytime get to block you, avoid looking for me.”

“...”

“It’s annoying.”

“Mmm.”

“It’s not my fault to have stopped loving you. You made me choose this path.”

“That’s not how love works.”

“I don’t care what you think man. You excited me with false words. And then you dropped me.”

“What false words? I think I misunderstood something.”

“That was the stupidest thing you could do to me.”

“Do you feel like you’ve forgiven me?”

“Yes. I have nothing against you.”

“I don’t want you to be out of my life.”

“You have to accept it.”

“What can I do to make things right?”

“Nothing. As you know, I don’t like wasting my time. Thank you for your time. Bye.”

A few days had passed, and soon, Valentina had blocked him from everything. There was no contact.

Jonatan was sitting on the hill, alone, looking at the horses.

Marcus approached him.

“How are you, Jonatan?” Marcus asked.

“I don’t feel well,” Jonatan replied.

“Do you have it ready?”

“Yes, it’s ready,” Jonatan said, holding up an envelope with a letter inside.

“Good. I see her every time at the bookstore at this time. But as you know, this is one of the last times she’ll be there. I’ll be sure to deliver it to her. Let me know if you want to tag along.”

“This hurts, Marcus. And I found out some lies she told me when I was looking over our old text conversations to see how I could have handled it better.”

“I know. I know. I have two loved ones who have BPD. I learned more about it on Quora than from a regular google search. A person can’t easily understand it unless you are exposed to it through a loved one. Cutting people off, it’s something many of them do. There is a term for it, to be “discarded.” She is experiencing what is called “splitting.” When a person with her condition “splits,” things are either seen as all good or all bad. She sees no good in you. It is tough, but regardless of if they mistreat you, hurt you with words, or cut you out of their lives, we are called to love them through it, and pray that God will deliver them from their anger, indifference, and torment. Our love isn’t dependent on what they do or don’t do.”

“Thank you for being there for me, Marcus.”

“It has been an honor, my friend.”

“You know I will be there for you, too. I will be with you until the very end. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know, Jonatan. After I deliver this letter, I want to introduce you to my church loved ones. They will be there for you when I am gone.”

“Always looking after me.”

“You know it. It's only for a little while. We’ll meet again. …So, what did you write in your letter?”

“I didn’t seal it yet, in case you wanted to look at it, nosy.”

“You know me more than I realized. I’ll go make this delivery and then I’ll be back.”

Valentina,

I understand that I can't force you to care about me. I can’t force you to love me. And I don’t want to. That wouldn’t be right. That’s not love. I’ve felt terrible. It’s agony knowing there is a wedge between us, knowing that I caused you so much pain. I don’t like going without knowing how you are doing and not hearing from you. I don’t want you to be absent from my life. You are important to me. There is only one you. I am sorry for the pain and aweful emotions I caused you. I want to ask you. May we be friends? I don’t know how you will respond to my letter. I am not without hope. I believe God will one day reconcile you and I. Until that day, my door is always open to you. I will never hold this or anything against you.

“I adore you, the sound of your skin”

The End

See Yung Lean - ‘Agony’ (Official Audio) on YouTube.