We knelt and took our positions in front of the sliding door. The head palace lady sat in the middle, elegant and graceful, her head slightly bent and her arms modestly hidden in her robes. I sat behind her to the side, bowing as low as I could while holding the tray of fruit and dessert the chefs had spent yet another hour preparing.

“Keep your head down and follow my lead,” the Sanggung instructed in a sharp whisper. “Don’t you dare do anything that would upset the Queen. I need her to be in a good mood.”

“Yes, Sanggung,” I muttered, keeping my body crouched and my eyes on the floor. 

She had said the same thing to me in the morning, before I had first met the Queen, before the royal chefs’ dishes had been scattered onto the ground. I gulped. The Queen had not been in a good mood then, and I did not know if that would change now.

The head palace lady cleared her throat and announced our arrival. A lady-in-waiting opened the door for us. We bowed as low as our ranks required us to—the Sanggung to her waist, and I till my nose touched the wooden floor.

I followed the older woman as we stood up and scurried into the room. When she sat down again, I knelt by her side, placing the tray of food next to her. 

I tried my best not to look around, but the dim lighting and floor mattress were enough to tell me what this new room was—and my stomach lurched at the realization. 

This was the Queen’s bedchamber. This was where she slept. 

I had to stop myself from gasping out loud.

“Your Majesty,” the head palace lady greeted. She lifted a bowl of honeyed water steeped with magnolia berries and pear slices. “I brought you a bowl of fresh hwachae.” 

I could see the mattress shifting from the corner of my eyes. Amidst the shuffling noises, there was a soft sigh. A breathy, bewitching sigh. 

And then, the familiar pair of feet appeared. My eyes widened. 

Once again, I could not stop looking at the Queen, at what I was allowed to see of her. This time, the crimson silk robe was gone, exposing the ankles and the white inner pants. As the Queen folded her legs to the side, her pale feet pressed against the floor mattress like steamed rice cakes stacked on bamboo leaves. And for the first time, I could see her soles. They were unbelievably smooth and flawless, as though the Queen had never walked more than a meter out of this comfortable room.

My heart raced, and I had to clench my fists on my knees. This was the barest I have ever seen of the Queen or any of my previous masters. This almost felt… wrong.

The Queen took a few gulps of the hwachae before the head palace lady added, “I also brought you your favorite peaches, Your Majesty. They are in season right now.”

The peaches—which the Sanggung had made me peel and cut meticulously in the kitchen—were part of her grand plan to feed the Queen. Under the bed of peaches was a layer of red bean glutinous rice sprinkled with as many beans and nuts as possible. It was not as nutritious as a full meal, but it was still better than nothing.

Silence ensued. 

“Who is she?”

My breath hitched in my throat. 

There was a small pause before the head palace lady let out a nervous chuckle. “Do you mean this maid, Your Majesty? She is new here.”

I felt my cheeks warming. Why was the Queen asking about me? I bit my lips and lowered my head even more.

“She looks too old to be a new maid,” the Queen said.

“Oh, she did not come in through the traditional method, Your Majesty. She is… transferred here.”

“Ah.” The feet that I had been staring at shifted away from me. “From the Kang family?”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

“The Kang family,” the Queen repeated. Her voice was as alluring as ever, but the tinge of sadness that had always been there seemed to intensify. “They tried to kill my husband, didn’t they?”

My body froze, and I stopped breathing altogether. My knuckles trembled against my knees. The room spun around me, threatening to close in on me. I could feel the regret radiating from the head palace lady, and I could feel my regret growing inside me.

I should not have volunteered to come. I should have known that my previous masters’ treacherous deeds would bite me eventually. I should have kept a low profile in this new job. I should not have tried to see the Queen again—

“Look at me, maid.”

The Queen’s voice slapped me in my face. I took in a shaky breath and swallowed the lump in my throat. “Y- Your Majesty… I… I…” 

I wanted to look. I had always wanted to look at her the moment I laid eyes on her small, delicate feet. But I could not. I did not deserve to. I had served the Kang family. I had inadvertently caused her pain. 

The Queen must hate me.

“Look at me,” the Queen repeated her order. The breathiness of the words wrapped around my body, and I relented.

I lifted my head.

Time stood still.

The Queen’s skin was as pale and smooth as I had imagined, but it was also glowing, even under the dim lighting of her bedchamber. Her small, oval face resembled a white jasmine petal, freshly opened for the sun and lightly brushed with the morning dew. Her eyes, in contrast, were dark and intense, drawing my entire soul into them. Under a dainty button nose, her pink lips were parted just a little. The small breath she let out every so often seemed to fill my oxygen-deprived lungs with much-needed air.

It was the most beautiful face I had ever seen in my life. Suddenly, all the apologies that I had wanted to say disappeared in my throat.

My mouth was wide open as I stared. And stared. And stared. 

Even as the Queen’s brows furrowed, I kept staring.

How could anybody be this beautiful?

“Why do you have rice on your hair?”

I blinked. The Queen’s question finally snapped me out of my trance. Flustered, I took a few random swipes at my head. 

A small smile tugged at the Queen’s lips, and she leaned forward towards me. My body stiffened. She took no notice of that as she reached her hand out and picked the grain off my hair. Her fingertips brushed the bit of my forehead, and my body combusted in flames.

The Queen touched me.

Her hand was so close, and it smelled so good—floral, the sweet of nectar, and the scent of happy dreams.

Flicking the rice into the tray in front of me, she leaned back on her floor mattress. “There,” she whispered.

“I do apologize for this unruly girl, Your Majesty,” the head palace lady said. She had been strangely quiet, possibly also entranced by the Queen’s unexpected actions. Bowing as low as she could, she added, “I will give her a proper punishment later.”

“No, that’s alright.” The Queen held the Sanggung’s shoulder, pulling her up from the bow. “Was she one of the maids in the morning? The rice must have gotten stuck there then.” 

“She was,” the head palace lady confirmed. She gestured at the bowl of peach-covered-food and continued with her mission of feeding the Queen. “Would you like to eat some peaches, Your Majesty?”

The Queen’s eyes flicked towards the bowl before landing on me. Her lips twitched. “Why are you still staring at me like that?”

I knew I should lower my head. I knew I should return to my crouched position. I knew I should profusely apologize for my lack of manners. But I had lost the ability to speak or move. I could not peel my eyes off the Queen—a beauty deserving of worship—even though I could feel the head palace lady glaring daggers at me.

The Queen tilted her head to the side. We stared at each other in silence for a while. When she turned away, I craved to reach my hand out and turn her face back to me again. 

There was nothing more I want than to have that face engraved in my brain.

“Leave the food here, Sanggung,” the Queen said. “I want to rest a little bit more for now. And fetch me a book from my study. I’d like to read.”

The Sanggung let out a cry of relief. “Yes, Your Majesty. We will take our leave now.”

Before we left the Queen’s bedchamber, the head palace lady gave her one last bow. Then, her hand flew to my head and slammed my unmoving body down for a bow as well. My forehead struck the floor so hard that I lost my vision for a moment.

But that did not matter. 

It did not matter how much my head was throbbing after that, or how painful my arm was as the Sanggung wrung me out of the building. I was to be heavily punished—I could even be executed if the Queen expressed anger at my behavior later on—but none of that mattered.

I was already blessed with looking at the face of a goddess. 

I could die peacefully.