Mal tapped his foot anxiously as he waited. It had been so long already since the day he left. He prepared for the worst. Braced himself for the criticism. For the accusatory notions. For the yelling and the scoldings. His pulse picked up, and sweat beaded in the palms of his hands. Moses had offered to go with him, but Mal turned him down. He knew he had to do this alone. He had to face them. He had to clear the air. He needed to stop running away. He bit the inside of his cheek, the pain tingled inside his mouth as the blood tasted salty on his tongue. He saw the familiar gray sedan pull into the driveway. Teeran and Dean graciously let them use their house as a meeting spot. Mal insisted they go to a cafe, but Dean advised against it. Stubborn old man. His mother stepped out first. She looked younger than he remembered leaving her as. Her black eyes were just like his own, but sterner. Sharper. Her black locks cascaded down her shoulders. She wore a green blouse with brown slacks, her tan heels clicking on the ground. Her gold earrings she always wore shone in the sunlight. His father stood beside her, looking just as pristine. His dark brown eyes sparkled with an eager intensity. He sported a smart navy blue suit, his shoes well-shined, his glasses neatly framing his face. They were always a good looking family, both sons inherited equal parts of their parents’ traits. Whenever Mal looked in the mirror, he saw their features in himself. In that moment, they almost looked like angels to him, shining boldly in the July sun.

“Mal!”

June ran up to him first, and Randal followed. They both pulled Mal into a tight hug.

“I’m sorry,” Mal felt his voice getting strained as he spoke, “I’m sorry I left.”

June gave a sad smile, holding her son tight.

“Let’s go inside and we can talk, ok?”

Mal nodded, following his parents inside. They sat in the living room, the silence growing thick in the room. Finally, Randal cleared his throat to speak.

“Your mother and I were very concerned about you. You never called or sent a message, and we just prayed and prayed that you were somewhere safe.”

“We love you, baby. You’re our son. We want to be a part of your life, and when you left…”

His mother’s eyes softened, an expression Mal wasn’t used to seeing was forming on her face.

“I know…we haven’t been accepting of you and your brother. I know you have struggled, and I know y’all have both suffered because of this.”

Randal nodded in agreement, “we owe you both an apology. You aren’t obligated to forgive us. You aren’t obligated to talk to us. You’re 18 years old, and that’s your choice, but we love you so much.”

“You…I…I’m scared. That’s why I left. I couldn’t deal with all my fear and all my feelings, so I ran away.”

“We didn’t make it easy. We were narrow-minded because we didn’t understand. We were scared, and that made us…that made us make poor decisions and say stupid things. I won’t deny that.”

“We’ve learned a lot about the OLBGT-”

“LGBT Randal!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! The LGBT community. We met more people who are like you and your brother. We’re trying to understand more because we want you to be happy no matter who you love.”

Mal felt his chest tighten. They want to understand me.
“You’re not mad that I’m..”

“No! We never were, baby. I’ll admit, we were confused at first because we thought you like girls, but it’s ok if you don’t.”

“I like girls and boys, actually. It’s like…I like someone for who they are and what qualities I find attractive aren’t determined by gender.”

His parents nodded, seeming to understand.

“There’s terms for that, I know, but I always forget,” June exclaimed, “I am tryna get better, honey.”

“There’s lots of different labels someone could use. I’ve never really felt like I needed one.”

“Why not? You’re not straight.”

“If I like someone, that’s enough for me, I think. It’s just…I don’t wanna be defined by that, like someone isn’t defined by bein’ straight.”

“Your brother is bi.”

“That’s the label he uses for himself, dad. I don’t want one.”

“I think I get it now,” June murmured, “you wanna be recognized for who you are, not who you date.”

Mal nodded. Shit. She HAS done her research.

“Hayden,” Randal looked off in the distance, “the night you left…he was very upset. He came back a while later and told us you were seeing each other.”

“Randal, that’s out of line!”

“No, he has a right to know! He’s been really worried about you, Malcolm. I don’t blame him. You just left without a word or explanation. I don’t know your situation, and I’ll admit I stayed in contact with him because we all were concerned, but…he really cares about you.”

Mal flinched, his stomach lurched and he felt a shock run down his spine.

“Fuck…”

“Randal stop it! This is exactly why I didn’t want to bring this up. It’s too soon.”

“It’s ok, mom. I just-I don’t think I’m ready to face him yet. I know that’s stupid, but I just can’t do that right now.”

June reached out for his hand, “hey, hey! You’re not stupid, baby. Not at all! You’ve been through so much, and I can’t even begin to imagine how you feel right now. This is hard. It’s hard to talk about.”

“I’m sorry I ran away! I’m sorry I yelled at you and shut you out and acted out. I’m sorry I’m so fucked up. After uncle Dre died…it just felt like there was a hole inside of me. Like, it can’t be filled by anything or anyone no matter what I do. I hate it. I feel like I’m the worst. I’m not a good friend or a good son or a good partner. I’m not ok. I want to make a life where I can actually…I dunno, not feel like such a loser all the time.”

June scrunched her brow in regret.

“Oh, honey. I know how close y’all were, and I know how hard it hit you when he passed, but I had no idea you were so hurt. I…had no idea you were suffering alone like this.”

“I thought…if I could become someone else for a while, if I could just get away, it’d be better. And maybe it kinda is. I mean, I’m still depressed, and I have a lot of things I wish I didn’t do, but at least I’m makin’ my own choices.”

Randal grabbed his hand, his brown eyes full of understanding. 

“We want you to come home, but if that’s not the best thing for you, that’s ok. We let your brother go because we knew he wasn’t happy. It’s the same for you.”

“Oh,” June murmured sadly, “we were devastated when Austin left. We tried so hard…to call, text, anything. We…we know how hard…you both have it. I have so many things to apologize for, and I have things I know now that I wish so much…so, so much I knew then. When I came to America, I had nothing. I met your dad, and had you guys. I wanted to build a life for you and Austin. I wanted to give you both everything, and then, I couldn’t. That broke my heart.”

“Mom..”

“When you were growing in my belly, I sang to you. I named you so you would be beautiful, and you are, in spite of everything. I hope you know that. You need to find yourself, baby, you need to heal. You’re so strong, and so brave.”

“But I ran away.”

“And had the balls to move forward. You may not see it, but we do. You’re so brave. So, so brave. You build your life. Find a love, whatever that looks like for you. Grow yourself. You have more than I ever did, than your mother ever did. You deserve happiness, you understand me? Don’t let anyone tell you any different, and fuck everything else.”

June nodded adamantly in agreement.

“I think you’re so brave because you’re our son. You’re strong, however, because your strength comes from you.”

“Mom, dad,” Mal whispered, “I don’t wanna be angry at you anymore. I don’t want to hold onto this. I want to forgive both of you…I don’t know how long it’s gonna take to do that.”

“That’s ok, my baby. We’ll wait as long as it takes.”

“Thank you.”