The dream started with Ethan sitting in the passenger seat of a car. He had his head back, resting it against a smooth leather headrest, and he wore a smile. Ethan loved this car. It was an expensive sports car that Ethan and his companion drove down a highway. The top was down, but for some reason, the added wind was completely silent. Ethan could easily hear some smooth jazz from the radio, but he never knew what song it was. 

Ethan turned to his companion and didn’t gasp when the man didn’t have a face. Ethan often had dreams or daydreams about his dream man, but he could never see his face. And, because he was dreaming, everything that happened seemed logical.

So, when Ethan’s companion—who he now knew was his boyfriend—turned to him and pulled him into a kiss, Ethan did not wonder how the car was still driving. Ethan and his boyfriend were suddenly on a mattress, but their passionate kisses had not ended for a second. Ethan was getting hot and he instinctually knew that it was because he and his boyfriend were about to have sex. 

As they began to tear each other’s clothes off, his boyfriend muttered beautiful words to him in between soft kisses and gentle caresses down Ethan’s body. Ethan could hear him, but never understood what he was saying. It didn’t matter, he felt that whatever the man was saying was sweet and perfect. 

The other man had his member gently pressed against Ethan’s intimate place. Ethan looked up, expecting to see a blank face, but instead found himself staring into Chris’s dark eyes. Ethan wasn’t surprised. In Ethan’s mind, it made perfect sense that his boyfriend is and always has been Chris. Chris pushed in and Ethan gasped at the pleasure that assaulted him. 

Their love making was incredible and Ethan could finally make out Chris’s words.

Beautiful

Gorgeous

Perfect

Mine

I love you

But, right before they reached their climax together, Ethan woke up. 

—————

The feeling Ethan had, waking up and realizing that Chris didn’t actually love him, disappointed Ethan to no end. That’s how he knew that he had feelings for Chris. 

Ethan looked around the room, taking in the faces of those around him. Remembering that disappointment, Ethan lost a bit of that fight to keep this a secret. His dream wasn’t real and all of the distant flirting he and Chris had been doing was ignored. Remembering that dream reminded him that Chris was unattainable, unavailable, and the last person he was going to be with. 

Who cares if everyone knew he was into guys?

Who cared if they figured out that Chris was the subject of his dream? Ethan wasn’t going to end up with Chris Davis either way. Someone else might as well enjoy the situation because Ethan didn’t.

Ethan sent Courtney a humorless smile, chuckling to himself. Chris grew a bit nervous at Ethan’s sudden shift in attitude. Ethan had been hell-bent on keeping the details of his dream to himself. Now, Ethan seemed to be separated from the situation, as if he couldn’t be bothered by the idea.

“Let’s just say . . . ” Ethan began, trailing off to add to the suspense. There were varying expressions around the circle, but Chris noted that everyone seemed eager to hear more. Ethan smiled. “I was the bottom.”

Chris couldn’t have been sure about everyone else, but he knew exactly what that statement meant. Chris heard several people gasp at Ethan’s blatant statement, but Chris simply stared at Ethan with hope. If Ethan dreamt about it, there was a good chance that Ethan would consider being in that same position with Chris.

Ethan thought that nearly all of them understood what he said, but just in case, he further clarified. 

“It was a guy.” He said, shrugging as if the comment meant nothing. But it meant everything. Up until that point, it was only vague guessing to say that Ethan was into guys. Everyone he knew, even Aiden, thought that he preferred girls. Aiden only began to seriously consider the possibility that Ethan liked guys during this trip. 

Ethan was coming out and he wasn’t even batting an eye. Aiden looked at Ethan as if he desperately wanted to get Ethan alone and talk to him about this, but Ethan wouldn’t meet his eye.

“Anything else?” Courtney asked.

Ethan looked up at her, narrowing his eyes for only a moment as he considered her question. Did he want to tell them anything else? He had already admitted his preferences, what else did they need to know? Then, Ethan chanced a glance Chris's way. Chris's mouth was set in a hard line. This was because he wanted to keep his reactions to Ethan’s confession private. Not knowing this, Ethan immediately looked back down at his feet. 

When Courtney first pressed about Ethan’s weirdest dream, Ethan had feared that it would be revealed that he had dreamt about Chris. Secretly, Ethan wanted Chris to find out. His crush had been exhausting and a part of him thought that if Chris found out and just rejected him then, he would be free of it. Ethan considered just telling them that it was Chris. He clenched his fists, preparing to reveal the thing that had been weighing down on him for several months. But, as he started to tell them the truth, Ethan considered never speaking to Chris again. Logically, Ethan thought that if he got over the stress of his feelings, it would be worth it. But, Ethan just couldn’t get the words out. He stumbled over the sentence, changing it to reveal far less. 

“It was C- . . . it was someone who goes to our school.” 

Ethan felt defeated. He had gone and said so much but not nearly enough. At the end of the day, he still didn’t want to lose Chris. 

But, now that Ethan looked at Chris, he feared he had already done just that.

Chris wasn’t looking at Ethan, but the dark glare on his face told Ethan that he was probably the topic of Chris's thoughts. His hands were clenched at his sides and his jaw was taut with tension. He was upset. Ethan assumed that he was the cause. That left only one possible conclusion. Chris was upset to find out that Ethan was into men. 

Ethan had never thought that Chris was into guys, other than those few blissful hours earlier that day. But, he’d also never considered that Chris might be homophobic. Chris was so kind and so genuine, Ethan never imagined him to have a cruel bone in his body. 

Ethan wanted to look at the positive in all of this. Chris hadn’t come to beat him up for being more likely to kiss one of the three other guys here instead of one of the four girls. But, Chris was probably still imagining that he was doing just that, and Ethan was still hurt from the idea.

But, Chris actually had the opposite thing on his mind. Believing that Ethan had a wet dream with a guy had been fine for him. He would gladly be the person that Ethan lived out those fantasies with. But, realizing that Ethan knew that the man from his dream went to their school completely changed things. 

Ethan liked someone a lot. He must have intense feelings for someone if he had dreams about them. But that person wasn’t him. Chris knew he was attracted to Ethan. After imagining Ethan in every possible position with about every degree of undress, it was impossible to deny. But, Chris had never thought about caring for Ethan more than as a friend. 

It was painfully ironic for Chris to realize he had genuine feelings for Ethan because he found out that Ethan liked someone else. Even if Ethan had been flirting with Chris at the pool earlier, Chris would simply be a distraction from the man Ethan actually cared about.

Several months, weeks, or even days earlier Chris would have been fine with that. But now, Chris wasn’t. It hurt to think that Ethan’s affections didn’t lie with him. And after it hurt, that fact made Chris angry.

He was angry that Ethan liked someone else and he was angry that he was affected in the first place. Yet, what right did Chris have to put that anger out on Ethan? 

Ethan had never, not once, said that he liked Chris. They weren’t dating, and because Chris had never worked up the nerve, they weren’t even texting. Ethan had no responsibility for the feelings that had grown steadily inside of Chris for months. 

So Chris stewed in his anger silently, trying to keep his troubled eyes off of the boy that started it all. And Ethan let him, believing that his anger was tied to homophobia, not to romantic interest.