TW: mentions of abuse, SA and substance use.

“So, are we, like, a thing now?”

“Do I need to do that again to get my point across?”

Mal smirked.

“It was a genuine question.”

“I know, baby! I’m just teasing.”

“That’s new.”

Mal frowned, “You don’t like it?”

“Never said that. No one’s ever called me that before.”

“I still find that hard to believe.”

“Why?”

“I mean…I don’t know who wouldn’t want you. Look at you.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere, my friend.”

“Don’t you mean BOYfriend.”

“Ew, you’re gross. That’s so corny.”

“Aw, I know you love it.”

“I’ll…allow it. Tolerate it, even. Just because you’re hot.”

“Is that the only reason you like me?”

“Not by a long shot, but it’s definitely a plus. I like everything about you, honestly. Even your stupid jokes.”

“You better.”

“Aww, of course I do, babe!”

Moses blushed when he let the words slip out. He wasn’t used to using affectionate terms in a romantic way, but he enjoyed it.

“When we first met. I thought you were just gonna be a hookup. I thought maybe it’d be a one-time thing.”

“Was this after..”

“After we made out in your room and you left. Like, I dunno, maybe you were just bored and needed a distraction. I never imagined it’d be like this.”

Mal’s eyes widened, “Did something like that happen before?”

Moses nodded.

“There was this guy in 9th grade. He was super popular, and he seemed like he was interested in me. I liked him, so of course I was really happy when he started hanging out with me. I was, like, a nobody and severely closeted, of course I was happy. One day…he kissed me. I really liked it. He kept hanging out with me, and every so often, we’d make out. Then…he started wanting more. Started pushing me to do more…I didn’t want to, but I did it anyway because I liked him…I didn’t want him to stop hanging out with me…”

“Shit, that must’ve been really scary. I’m so sorry.”

Moses rested against Mal’s chest.

“I didn’t even have the vocabulary to, like, say how I felt. I was just so hurt, but I couldn’t do anything. I wanted him to like me. I was so lonely back then. I only kinda functioned after that. My friend, Cassie…”

Mal kissed his head.

“Cassie passed away in a car accident right before I started high school. I was empty inside. I had no one to talk to, and here was this guy who was interested in me…”

“That’s fuckin’ evil. I’m so sorry.”

“I blamed myself a lot. Felt stupid for not stopping it.”

“You’re not to blame for what happened to you. He took advantage of you. You were in a vulnerable state and he used you. That’s not your fault, and I really hope you know that.”

“I don’t want it to have power over me anymore. I know my worth now. I’m not just a thing someone can use and throw away, I’m a person. I wanna be happy. It’s a process, but I am getting better. I want peace. I want you to have peace, too.”

“It’s not about me.”

“Stop saying that! You deserve to be happy. I want nothing but good things for you because I love you, ok?!”

“I just..I have such a hard time talking about it. I don’t even know where to start. I wanna open up…but I’m so scared.”

“I felt that way too. Especially when I started goin’ to therapy. It gets easier the more you do it.”

Moses’ voice came out in a hushed murmur as he nuzzled into Mal’s chest. Mal started caressing his hair, his expression thoughtful but pensive. He sat for a while, but when he finally spoke, his voice was small.

“I…wanna tell you about the guy I dated before…I think I’m ready. It’s kinda a lot though.”

“That’s ok. I wanna hear about it. I want you to be comfortable telling me things.” 

Moses kissed his collarbone.

“At first, in the beginning, it was really good. We were friends first. We made out one day, just kinda on a whim, then we realized we both liked each other. Went from there. He was fully out, I wasn’t. He was a dick to everyone but me, and I was really flattered by that. He was attentive and caring at the beginning, which made me overlook the red flags at first.”

Moses held his hand, kissing it gently.

“He was always pretty clingy. I thought it was normal at first, I mean, it was my first relationship and I really liked him. But then it got weird. He started going through my phone all the time, and he’d get really mad and jealous of my friends. We’d fight about me hanging out with my friends a lot. Then, he started telling me what to eat. How to dress. Who I could and couldn’t hang out with. He…broke things sometimes. It really scared me after a while, but I went along with it, I didn’t wanna make him more mad. Then he started hitting me. It started as, like, light bats occasionally, but then it escalated to punching. I’d have bruised arms and legs, so I started wearin’ long sleeves all the time. Got to a point my uncle died and I started using just to feel. Something. I was so tired of him, but I was so scared of leaving him…he said…”

Moses stiffened, squeezing his hand tighter.

“He told me he couldn’t live without me. That he was gonna be better, and he’d work on himself. I believed him, and I stayed. God, I stayed so many times I shoulda’ just walked away. He flirted with other guys, then yell at me for cheating, which I never did. I pulled back more. Started using more, too. Pulled away from everyone. Then, finally, I just fuckin’ left.”

Moses sat up, tears spilling down his slender cheeks. He pulled Mal into his arms, enveloping him with his warmth.

“I love you,” he sobbed, “you’re so brave for leaving, I hope you know that. That takes strength.”

“Thank you…for listening.”

The boys lay there in comfortable silence, letting the heaviness of their conversation wane. They weren’t alone. They didn’t have to keep quiet or tiptoe around these things. They were together, and that was already monumentally better than where they started. Being with the one he loved, talking when was hard to, pushing the fear to the side, Mal knew in that moment that Moses was the one he was meant to be with.