Alexis goes silent. Kita can hear his heartbeat in his ears. Several long, excruciating moments go by before he finally gathers the courage to look up at his best friend. He completely freezes when he finds the guy with raised eyebrows. He's looking down at Kita, seeming to not have expected Kita to come out with it that easily, but there's something else to the look in his eye.

Kita takes note that either way, he's not surprised.

"Kita..."

"I-It was a dumb idea," Kita says, face beet red. He takes several steps back, running a hand through his hair as he starts to panic. Oh god, why did he say that? "I just thought, I mean, she said you could marry a commoner. She also said it could be platonic, and... and the empire... I don't know, forget I said anything—"

"Kita," Alexis says again, this time with more conviction. Kita reluctantly looks up to meet his eyes, and finds his expression to be mostly unreadable, but his gaze is still intense. "Do you understand what that would entail?"

Kita gulps, keeping the distance. The look in Alexis' eye is meaningful, and Kita is feeling so stressed. He's really regretting bringing this up. He should've just kept it to himself! "What do you mean?"

"We couldn't divorce for a long time, if ever. You'd be stuck with me." Alexis starts off, like Kita was even worried about that. "Nobody would be able to know it was platonic. We would have to follow all basic wedding traditions to a T. We'd have to be convincing."

Kita shrugs, "that sounds fine."

"You're not getting it," Alexis is growing visibly impatient. "You would have to kiss me."

Oh. Okay, Kita didn't really think about that. He honestly didn't realize that people couldn't know it was platonic. Then again, platonic marriages aren't really a thing. Maybe he should've known. Still, his opinion hasn't changed. He thinks it's their best option.

Kita is not seeing much of a problem, anyway. He and Alexis have known each other for a decade and a half. If their friendship can't survive some stupid kissing, then there was no hope to begin with. Kita doesn't mind having to act like a couple or anything—again, their friendship is pretty solid. Who cares?

Also, if it'll keep him from having to watch Alexis dance with another princess...

"It was just an idea, I understand if you think it's weird."

"I don't think it's weird," Alexis says quickly. Kita can't help but to give him a bit of a questioning look at the haste. His facial expression doesn't change, and he continues, "I just want you to know what you're signing up for."

Kita shrugs. He averts his gaze back to the floor, wishing he could read this guy's mind. It's so hard to tell how Alexis feels about this. He at least doesn't seem to hate the idea, which is a good thing. "I'll kiss you as much as I need to if it'll help the empire."

Dead silence. Kita absolutely refuses to make eye contact. For some reason he's starting to feel really flustered, exposed. These gaps in conversation and long lapses of silence are unnerving him. Surely if Alexis didn't like the idea, he'd have made that known, instead of turning it on Kita. Right?

Then, Kita's being pulled into a hug. He makes an embarrassing squeak of surprise as he's enveloped into his friend's arms, not expecting it. Alexis rests his head on top of Kita's hair, just holding him, until Kita begins to relax into it. Yeah, this is the reaction he was hoping for.

"I'll let her know."

Kita gives him a hum of acknowledgement, still feeling the annoying warmth on his cheeks. Why is he so flustered?! Sure, it's marriage, but still. It's also Alexis, the guy he's been best friends with since they were kids. It's not a big deal. It's for the empire! That's it!

They only hug for a bit longer before Alexis takes his exit, appearing in a much better mood than Kita has seen for awhile. Anybody would be, if so many of their problems got solved at once. Kita hopes this works out.

Of course, good things never last. Kita forgot that for a second.

He's reminded of this little detail right after Alexis leaves, when he feels a hunger pain more intense than he's ever experienced. He becomes unsteady on his feet, leaning to the side and scrambling for purchase on the table. He feels winded, like he's on the verge of unconsciousness. Okay, this is getting out of hand.

Then, Kita catches sight of the back door. It leads to Bermuda's stable, and he's reminded of his confrontation with Evander after the party.

I just want to make this easier on you

That's right!

I left you something in Bermuda's saddle

Kita doesn't know what exactly Evander meant by all that, but he's desperate. If anything will relieve him of this hell his body is putting him through, he will fucking take it. Evander seemed to know quite a bit, anyway, especially since he was aware of the attack. People are beginning to notice Kita's condition. He's been questioned many times over by both his parents and even customers. The only reason Alexis probably didn't notice was due to the excitement of their conversation, as well as the low light of the closed pub making it difficult to see Kita to begin with.

Kita rushes out the door and to Bermuda, almost falling down many times. Upon reaching the horse, he is immediately taking apart her saddle, hoping his parents haven't used the storage compartments in the past couple days. It would help if he knew what he was looking for.

Kita checks the smaller compartments, before finally searching the biggest one. When he does, he finds a large glass jar. It's at least pint sized, and it's full of some sort of dark liquid.

Kita frowns, pulling it out. It's cold, probably due to the weather. They're heading into winter right now, and Amarath winters are nothing to be taken lightly.

He situates Bermuda again before stepping out of the stables, trying to figure out what this is. He stands at the back of his parent's pub, by the trash cans, the only luminance from a nearby street lamp.

Kita gives up trying to figure out what it is from sight alone, finally giving in and opening the jar.

Once the smell hits his nose, he is salivating.

Kita barely has time to process the liquid as blood before he is bringing the jar to his mouth and chugging. He doesn't even try to be graceful about it, the liquid running down the sides of his mouth and down his neck. He doesn't take a breath until he's completely drained the container, and only then does it occur to him what just happened.

Kita stands there, frozen, as everything hits him at once.

Kita immediately feels a lot better, but this feeling is tainted by what he just did. What this means. His mind runs a mile a minute, and he barely remembers the trek back inside. He just ascends the stairs numbly and before he knows it, he's in his bathroom.

Kita stares at his reflection, at the blood all over his face and neck. His eyes are red—a bright, glowing crimson—and his nails have grown into these black, claw like things. They almost look like talons.

His mouth is closed, but he doesn't even have to run his tongue along his teeth to know the situation in there. Still, he has to check. It takes him several moments to gather the courage to open it.

As soon as Kita's eyes land on the fangs, his eyes are welling up with tears. He reaches a shaky hand up and covers his mouth, praying it's not true. That his eyes are betraying him.

This doesn't work. Kita's not good at lying to himself, and he knows immediately what it all means. This is very fucking bad.

Kita drops the jar. It shatters upon impact with the ground, and Kita isn't far behind it. His body is so exhausted from all the changes it's been through over these past few days or so, and Kita's at risk of a mental breakdown as it all hits his brain at once. Like someone bashing a mallet over his head, realization after realization assaulting him until he can't support his weight anymore. Until he can't even think.

One thought stands out amongst it all, when Kita finally loses consciousness:

I'm a monster.