No strings attached, just fuck and that's it.

I said that when we agreed to do this whole thing, and we had both agreed to that, but now things have just turned upside down, that it is hard for me to even think.

Everything is now a mess, things were never supposed to take this sudden turn.

No strings attached that was the rule, it has been my motto ever since I started high school and I kept true to that word for so long that was until now.

Until she came into my life.

I should have never approached her at the bar.

I should have left her alone and let myself walk the other way if I knew that she would come and ruin me like this.

For the past 2 days I have tried to send her a message, but every damn time I could not make myself hit the send button.

My thumb hovered on top of the send button, my heart was beating fast as I counted to 3 before hitting send.

It was something that needed to be done, but why did I feel horrible, even though I had convinced myself more times that I was doing this for the both of us.

Dineo was not supposed to come into my life and make changes, but that's what she did, and she didn't do much and that was the problem which is why I had to stay far away from her as much as I can.

I placed my phone on the table as I stood up, I was so angry that I wanted to punch something or someone, and there was no one else to blame except for me.

I was the one who let my guard down and Dineo walked right in, and I didn't protest or push her away.

I was foolish to hope and believe that I was destined for good things, especially with someone so innocent like Dineo, it almost feels like I am tainting her with my darkness.

Some people are just born to be alone and surrounded by loneliness with alcohol and sex, like I have been doing forever. This whole thing is just so foreign to me that it is easy for me to just want to run away from this alien feeling and cower away from it, like a coward that I am.