Changes updated
Oct 09, 2023
malu
Top comment
I really liked your changes, dude. Managed to walk the line between Scott being in wrong but redeemable - and focused more on his problems/character arc than on the situation present. Really well done!
Also, mentioning the older actions as bad thoughts was a good way to keep the weight, and not just delete his bad traits (also, it's cool in a meta way)
The hands "touching" trough the stall was a very good visual (if it was in the older version, sorry ADHD, but it really fit the tone now)
Overall, I think it's a nicer, and more polish, version of the story, and I am very proud of you! I hope it wasn't too hard on you to make it
Best wishes, take care!
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Subjects:
◆Ice Hockey ◆Violence ◆LGBT+ ◆Mental Health
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