Tim wasn’t surprised to hear that, despite the whole debacle the date had turned into, Penny had a second date. Maybe it was because he was already certain that God had a personal grudge against him. He felt surprisingly calm about the whole thing. At least, according to Lina. 

“I’m surprised you’re not freaking out about all of this,” she said from the passenger seat she was occupying. 

Apparently, Tim had been slacking too much in regards to the farce that was his superhero career. Lina claimed he was losing popularity. Tim pointed out he had no popularity. Still, Lina insisted on him getting out there and fighting crime. Also, she was still set on Tim sabotaging Sparrow. 

“Well, freaking out isn’t really going to do anything,” Tim said, pausing in his routine check of his tasers and smoke bombs. “I mean, really, what has freaking out ever done for me?”

As far as Tim could see, it had landed him in the back of a van, wearing a shitty superhero costume cosplayers would laugh at, about to be dumped onto a particularly crappy part of town. No, panicking had never done him any good. Lina seemed to see his point, if the way she raised her brows and nodded were anything to go by. 

“Well, look at you, all resigned and vaguely mature. I’m almost proud of you Timmy.” Lina slapped him on the back with a grin that made Tim roll his eyes. “Now get out there and be the, well not best, but most decent hero you can be.”

Tim felt like even that was too much to ask, but didn’t get the chance to say so before the van stopped and he was practically tossed out of it. Thanks to Tim being used to such crappy treatment at the hands of his so-called friends, he was able to not fall on his face. Which was fortunate, seeing as he liked his face. His mother had told him it was his best feature. 

He still glared as the van drove away, but decided not to dwell on it for too long. Tim had other things to worry about. Like finding some poor unsuspecting crook to tase. Fortunately, it didn’t take him long. 

The first criminal—or victim, depending on who was asked—to cross Tim’s path was a tall, lanky guy who had clearly robbed some nearby store. He had the signature shifty-eyed look of a crook that wasn’t all that good, and Tim could see crumpled wads of cash in the pockets of his jacket just peeking out because getting a bag had seemingly been too much trouble. It all made Tim nearly groan in actual disappointment. Sure, being a criminal wasn’t all that glamorous, but still. A bit of effort would have been appreciated. 

There was a certain artistry to it that the new guys lacked.

Tim didn’t even bother with any fancy takedown. He just grabbed an empty beer bottle someone had left lying around and hurled it at the guy’s head. If nothing else, Tim had always had good aim. This proved to be true as the robber went down after getting hit right on the head. After that, it was only a matter of calmly walking over to the thief’s body and tasing him. 

Tim always felt a bit better after a good tasing. It did great things to his rotten little soul. He even wondered if maybe he should have dragged Tommy along as his sidekick. Maybe tasing people would have motivated the little guy to be more evil. Unfortunately, it was too late for that. 

After the clown debacle, Tommy had come to the conclusion that the life of a henchman wasn’t for him. He’d taken a break from the road to villainy that he’d barely taken a step upon. Honestly, Tim kinda missed the little guy. Or more likely, he missed having someone to boss around. Either way, things had gotten a lot more quiet since the aspiring henchman left them. 

Even Sparrow had been hanging around less often. Tim supposed she might have still been dealing with the trauma of her shitty date with Penny. Which was one of the many reasons he was surprised she was sticking around. Then again, Penny was kinda cute in a vaguely evil-minimalist-goth kind of way. She had a very particular look, is what Tim was getting at. 

“You know, sometimes I think you enjoy this a bit too much.” And speaking of Sparrow.

Tim did his best to look a little less gleeful as he turned to face the newcomer. As was usual when he ran into Sparrow, she looked like she was questioning many things. Like Tim’s sanity and why she even bothered to talk to him. The usual. 

“The only thing I enjoy is the pursuit of justice,” Tim felt wrong just saying that. Sparrow looked like she agreed. 

“I know we’re supposed to be heroes, but that doesn’t mean we have to be comic-book levels of cheesy.” She had a point. 

“I’m working on catchphrases for when I’m famous enough to be on lunchboxes and trading cards. Or is that not how things work anymore?” 

Tim probably should have felt worse about the way Sparrow just laughed at that. He would have if he weren’t so certain there was no way he would ever be famous, even if he were serious about the whole hero thing. 

“I don’t think you have to worry about that yet,” Sparrow said. Tim was taken aback at the lack of jokes at his expense for a second, before he remembered that she was a hero and therefore not as dickish as his friends. 

As if to reinforce this fact, she took Tim to get some food. It was at that point that Tim realized how much he’d missed Sparrow. And not just because she always got him free food. 

Of course not. 

Tim was on his second chili dog when he noticed that something seemed to be bothering Sparrow. He glanced over at where she sat, legs dangling off the edge of the apartment building, eyes set on the city stretching out in front of them. Sparrow’s face held a dazed look as she stared ahead. 

“Er, you okay?” Tim, asked after considering whether to say anything or not. He only bothered because Sparrow’s poor chili dog was getting cold. 

Sparrow blinked, snapping out of it and turning to look at Tim. “What? Oh, yeah! I’m alright.” 

Maybe it was the fact that Tim wasn’t bothering to hide how unconvincing that sounded, or maybe it was just that whatever was bugging Sparrow was bad enough she would willingly tell Tim about it. Whatever the case, she let out a tired sigh, her shoulders slumping before she set her chili dog aside. 

“Have you ever had a really bad date?” 

The question made Tim regret ever pretending he cared. Partly because he didn’t feel like talking about dating with Sparrow, but mostly because he really didn’t feel like talking about dating Penny with Sparrow. Still, the masked hero was staring at Tim with a look of expectation and Tim figured he’d survived worse. 

“Not really?” he said, wondering why that came out as a question. “I mean, I never liked to do the whole dating thing.” Tim liked to think it was because he’d prioritized his budding career as a henchman and not because he was painfully awkward. 

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the answer Sparrow was hoping for, if her crestfallen expression was anything to go by. 

“But hey, at least you got a date.” Tim liked to look at the bright side of things. At least it got a laugh out of Sparrow. 

“And a second date,” she added. Tim wished she’d not reminded him of that. It wasn’t really something he was particularly glad for. 

“Well, there you go. Can’t have been that traumatizing a date if they’re willing to go a second round.” Tim wished that wasn’t so. He wished, desperately, that Penny had decided she didn’t want anything more to do with Sparrow—or whatever her actual name was. But things never went according to plan. So there Tim was, sitting on a rooftop while pretending to be a hero, listening to the dating troubles of an actual hero while his chili dog grew tragically cold. He wondered if it would be rude to take a bite while Sparrow detailed the issues with her love life. 

“It was actually kinda fun. Well, most of it. Until the armed robbery,” Sparrow said, muttering the last part as she stared out into the city. Tim slowly inched his chili dog closer to his mouth. “It’s just, she’s so cute. And the date was a mess.”

Sparrow turned to look at Tim just as he sank his teeth into his food. He froze, chili dog in his mouth and eyes staring at Sparrow. Slowly—painfully, awkwardly so—he took a bite. Sparrow looked amused. Which was better than offended, so Tim swallowed his food before dispensing his oh so sought after advice. 

“Then that’s great. I mean, if you like her and she likes you enough to go out again. Just, try not to be a victim of crime again?” Tim thought that was solid advice. Sparrow laughed in his face.

But in a nice way. Not like Lina. Lina was a jerk. 

They patrolled for a while longer. Tim was almost disappointed they didn’t find much more than a couple muggers, and it wasn’t like Sparrow needed his help with that. She still let him tase a couple of the idiots. Tim thought that was pretty nice of her.

By the time Lina picked Tim up, he was feeling a bit better about his chances of surviving around Sparrow. Hell, he was even feeling better about surviving if shit hit the fan and Sparrow found out about Penny’s villainous shenanigans. After all, Sparrow looked like the type of person who’d allow someone to live if they looked pitiful enough while they groveled. Tim was fairly confident that he could pull off that particular look.

“So, Penny’s definitely dating Sparrow,” was the first thing he said as he climbed into the van. Lina spat out some of the milkshake she’d been drinking. Alejandro ignored her struggle to breathe to complain about the strawberry milkshake now staining the dashboard. Tim basked in the bit of satisfaction he felt as Lina had a little coughing fit. 

It was the little things in life.