The grief is enough for me to scream, forgetting momentarily where I am. The scream is so loud that it rattles the mountains around me, burying me deeper in metal.

I gasp, attempting to keep my head above the golden waves, but the sudden drift begins to pull me beneath the surface. And then something grabs my foot, and I’m yanked the rest of the way under.

I kick and thrash and scream, but I’m only dragged further from the light. It hurts, the weight on my skin, compressing my body. I can’t breathe.

I clench my eyes tight, waiting for death, for some kind of mercy. The deeper I’m dragged, the worse it hurts. My chest barely has the room to expand. It's just enough to keep me conscious, though not by much.

Still, I kick as hard as I can, even though it does nothing. I won’t go down without a fight. That is my one comfort.

The coins scrape open my skin, drawing blood, pressing bruises into my face and arms and legs and torso. I am crushed slowly, painfully. And, suddenly, my feet hit something cold. The panic multiplies.

It’s completely dark and there’s no room for me to summon a single flame. Water creeps up past my ankles, then my knees, then my hips. And then I’m under the crest of a black wave, beneath the surface of the floor.

There are no more coins, just water. Just darkness. My lungs are screaming for air, burning so bad that I consider taking a breath just to make death quicker.

Something coils up from my foot to my chest. And then my vision goes bright white with pain. It is a sharp stab between my ribs, radiating to every nerve in my body. It is breath-stealing, excruciating agony, unlike anything I have ever felt before. All I can do is plead for unconsciousness, but that doesn't even work.

I can barely register what’s happening outside of my own torment. But then there’s light. Light from my chest, pouring out.

When I look down I see a glowing golden coin slip into the palm of some gruesomely misshapen hand. I feel something inside me wither as it leaves. A warmth gone. A piece of me. Just another for the collection.

No.

I muster all the strength I have left to reach forward and grab that thing’s wrist, wrestling the coin back.

Stop it, I think. That’s mine.

And the impossible happens. The water around me ignites into flames as I fold my fingers around my coin and shove it against my upper chest. The ruby around my neck begins to glow. The water disappears.

I roll over on my knees as soon as I hit solid ground, gasping violently for breath. I vomit up black water, coughing with wet lungs until I can breathe again.

It hurts so fucking much I just want to curl into a ball and die. I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t do this. I want to go home. Please let me go home.

Crying hurts even worse, but I can’t stop myself this time. I wipe the snot and water from my face, wailing into my hands. I want Alex back. I want to go home. I’m tired. I’m scared. It hurts.

Aiden.

That voice again. It takes everything in me to push myself to my feet, and I cry out as I do so. I get up and look around in time for the dark to succumb to a puncture of light.

Before my eyes, blackness transforms to blue skies and trees and pavements. I’m standing in front of a small playground at a park. Beyond that are trees and houses. Before it is a bench.

There’s a small figure on the bench, though I can only see the back of their head. They’re staring at the seat next to them, as though waiting for someone to sit beside them.

I approach as cautiously as my pain-ridden body will allow me, wiping the last of the moisture from my cheeks with an uneven breath.

It’s a kid, maybe eight or nine. But his features are far too serious to be so young. He’s got caramel skin and jet black hair. But all I can see are those starlight silver eyes. A gasp is caught in my lungs and I forget my pain. I forget everything in that moment but him.

“Alex?”

The boy straightens, eyes widening on me.

“You know my name?”

I have to physically hold back tears as I walk closer to the bench.

“Were you saving this seat for someone?” I ask. He blinks, staring hard again.

“I can’t remember.”

“Well, do you mind if I sit?”

The boy gives me the go ahead and I slowly slide onto the bench next to me, careful not to scare him away. This must be one of Alex’s memories.

“Are you here all alone?” I ask.

“My mom,” Alex says softly. “My mom is supposed to be here.”

All I want is to wrap him tight in my arms, to undo this rive of space between us after an eternity of isolated emptiness. Instead I nod.

“Do you miss your mom?”

Alex–the impenetrable instructor now just a boy–turns to me. There are tears in his eyes. He nods, so fiercely it shakes his whole body. And, before I know what I’m doing, I’m wrapping my arms tight around him. Instead of pushing me away, the kid folds his arms around me tightly in return. This is Alex. Not some mirage or manipulation. This is him, really him. And inside, he feels like this, alone and helpless.

But he’s not. Not anymore.

“I’m scared,” he cries, dampening my collar with tears.

“I’m here,” I whisper. “You don’t have to be afraid anymore. Nothing is going to hurt you now.” Maybe it's not the truth, but it's what I want him to believe. It's what I would want to be told.

Young Alex nods, squeezing me tighter. The pressure hurts my bruised and battered body but I’m grateful for it, for the pain. Because it reminds me that this isn’t a dream. It’s real. He’s real. I finally found him.

“He’s coming,” he whispers. I can feel him shiver in my arms.

“Who?” I ask. Votum?

“Dad.” I have to clench my eyes tight to keep from crying. It’s getting harder.

“I’ll protect you. Do you hear me, Alexis? I will protect you.”

He freezes, and leans back from my arms, lips pursed and eyes narrowing in thought.

“I know you,” he whispers. And I go perfectly still.

“Yeah,” I chuckle, wiping quickly at my eyes. “Yeah you do.”

I can’t handle seeing this version of him. The crushed innocence and pain so clear in his eyes. It makes me want to find everyone who ever hurt him and make them pay.

He begins to hum the tune of a chorus, one I have now begun to associate with him, with love and possibility. “I know you,” he whispers again. He’s desperately trying to remember. He is fighting all odds for me.

I hug him tightly again, guiding his head to my chest and rocking him softly back and forth.

“I’m here. I found you. You’re ok.”

“I want to go home,” he whispers shakily.

“I know,” I choke out. “I know.”

When I pull away I notice the blue skies have been replaced with dark storm clouds. I don’t know how I know this but I’m running out of time.

I look down at my necklace, at the way it’s glowing still. And I remember what Ignis said. A mortal’s coin needs a vessel; it requires a soul or a fetish to survive, which must have been what was missing in Votum’s tower. But here… there’s one around my neck, alive and bright.

It could be my last.

I might be stuck here for good without it, but that doesn't seem to matter to me, not anymore. My mind is already made, because Alex is right here, right in front of me. And he’s afraid and alone. And I love him. More than anyone or anything in all worlds. I love him.

“Alex, I need you to do me a favor.” I stifle my tears and unclasp my necklace. It glows brilliantly in my hands, the color of Ignis' pools of living water. “I need you to hold onto this for safe keeping. And give it to me when I see you again.”

“What’s happening?” he asks.

"You’re going home.”

“I am?”

I lean back and press a kiss to his forehead. When I clasp the necklace around his neck, the light flashes even brighter, and fills his body with warmth.

“You promise I’ll see you soon?” he asks. I put on the most convincing face I can come up with and smile.

“I promise.”

The light between us glows so bright that I have to close my eyes and look away. But I keep them closed even after the light fades to black, afraid.

I open to darkness. All alone again.

***