It was too late.
Through my fever-clouded vision, I could only perceive a black shadow spreading like a haze in my apartment.
Hyacinth stood in front of me side by side with my neighbor, who pulled something out of his pocket.
What was it? I suddenly shivered, madly, while the haze grew thicker and thicker until it had taken the shape of a woman. Red-hot eyes were the only thing that stood out from the blackness.
"Heriett." Hyacinth's voice vibrated as he spoke the name.
"Haven't you done enough?" My neighbor tensed his body as if expecting a blow. There was something clenched in his tone.
The shadow didn't answer, he or rather she didn't pay attention to the two but fixed on me. So I was her target.
Only what could she want from me? I did not know her. I had never done anything to her. Why did she want me dead?
"You..." the voice hissed. She spoke without having a mouth it was the most frightening thing I had ever experienced. Hyacinth tried to position herself in front of me so that her gaze would not reach me, but she just kept coming closer dissolving into dark mass to overcome the men.
My neighbor muttered something and threw a small bag, white smoke rose, fizzled out with a bang. I had to cough that it threatened to tear my throat, yet I could hear their resounding laughter.
"Hall stone, nothing learned. Nothing in hundreds of years. Vain to the end." her voice dripped with scorn. Her glowing eyes, her black body was right in front of me. I didn't know what she had done but the two men behind her looked frozen. As if she had turned them into statues.
Panic gripped me I wanted to jump up and rush to them, but I too was trapped.
"I can give you whatever you desire." Suddenly there was that sweet beckoning sound. Her figure bent to me like a mother to her sick child.
"Thank you." i was as confused as she was as to what came out of my mouth. For seconds we looked at each other.
"You really are his descendant." A bell-like laugh rang through the room.
"Uh I think so."
"Don't you feel fear? Don't you want to plead for your life? Beg me to spare your loved ones?" A black finger lifted my chin, forcing me to look her straight in the eye.
"I have to go to the bathroom," was all I could get out. A snap sounded. The black haze cleared and before me stood a woman who looked so much like Hyacinth that she could have been his twin. Confused, I blinked.
"Na hop hop we do not want to leave stains in the bed." Prompting, the woman made a gesture for me to hurry. Without thinking, I struggled out of the blanket mountain and shuffled toward the bathroom. Even before I flushed the toilet, I heard three voices shouting at each other. Exhaling deeply, I washed my hands for longer than I ever had before I could bring myself to go back.
As soon as I opened the door, Hyacinth was beside me, taking me back to bed where there was a steaming tea on my nightstand.
"Nice pajamas, by the way." I suddenly remembered that the woman was called Heriett by the others, she winked at me in high spirits. My jaw would have liked to drop at this audacity, but Hyacinth pushed the teacup to my lips.
"If no one else will do it here, let me introduce you to my cousin, or our cousin, Heriette , witch and pest of the family for a good 250 years. I swear I have the channel full of this half of the family. All that's missing is Eggbert showing up here."
"Oh he's in Hawaii and you know you're not supposed to call him that. He's been called Jack for over 80 years now. Remember that. I don't feel like freezing you all out again at Christmas because you're fighting." Heriett folded her arms in front of her chest as she fought an eye duel with my neighbor.
So a witch, I thought to myself. No more unlikely than a ghost, either. My brain just gave up. Unlike Hyacinth, who tormented me with the cup until I had completely drunk the tea. After that, I was wordlessly wrapped in blankets like a burrito that I thought I was suffocating. However, I was not yet ready to drift back to sleep. This time they owed me an explanation.
"Neighbor, what's all this about?" I croaked angrily, while Hyacinth had started to put wet washcloths on my forehead, slowly wishing he would turn back into a ghost.
"My name is Bob." came the insulted reply. Bob ? Really Bob? What the heck.
"Don't laugh, he'll be offended right back. His father is a Bob Marley fan, that's the real shame of the family." Heriett rolled his eyes.
"My father is a curator of the family." Outraged, he reared back.
"Your father is the messie of the family." the witch was about to stab Bob in the eye with a finger.
"Declaration!" I crowed through the apartment that everyone on the street could still hear. I also waved the hands I had laboriously fought free to finally stop Hyacinth from continuing to grab wet rags on my forehead.
"She really is one of Richard's heirs." Bob snorted.
"Who's Richard now?!" I was beginning to get an immense headache.
"My husband, we found early on that depending on who fathered a child they developed certain talents that lasted for generations. Richard's children are unflappable with a slight tendency to say jumbled things when they're nervous. My children inherited supernatural blood." Hyacinth smiled at me slightly apologetically.
"Why did your granddaughter try to kill me?" I admit I was as cringy as a toddler who'd had his shovel taken away.
"I didn't! I confess to the cold, the stench and well the knocking was me too. But just to test if you were one of us. I swear I would have stopped immediately if you had started showing any signs of insanity or anything." Apologetically, she raised her hands.
"What about sucking the life out of you?" I raised a brow suspiciously.
"I can't do that at all! See this is what happens because you always exaggerate! She has ne completely normal cold! Actually, it's your fault you saw that she was much too thinly dressed for the weather yesterday! But then you blame me! That's exactly why I can't stand your part of the family! " Heriett poked her finger into Bob's chest, who scowled at her.
"Enough!" I grumbled from the sickbed, a little crestfallen that I wasn't going to experience a miracle healing from like new by curse lifting.
"Did you know that it is she who causes the things in my apartment here?" They both shook their heads. I believed him once because I also just didn't feel like arguing anymore. I needed sleep.
"You should get some rest." Hyacinth stroked my hair again, which strangely calmed me immediately.
"Maybe she's the reincarnation of Richard?" Heriett and Bob began whispering with sidelong glances at me. And if so then there was just the soul of an old castle lord in me. Challenging what my house spirit would say to that, I looked to him. He smiled amusedly and placed a kiss on my forehead. With a wave, he commanded the two intruders out of the apartment, who departed surprisingly peacefully. Not, however, without Heriett calling out something else from the door, "So if you two want to stay together, let me know and I'll call Eggber er Jack." With a thrown kiss, the door closed behind her.
"Eggbert?" i snuggled deeper into the pillows. Hyacinth lay down on the blanket and put an arm around me.
"Vampire of the family, if I take his breath, I can stay material for a good two years before I need new life breath." He stroked my back as he told me about the vampire in Hawaii.
"Sleep now we see and tomorrow morning dearest." His voice was so delightful it let me drift off to the best sleep of my life.
I guess I'm dating a ghost who was the wife of my great-great-great- was also always ancestor.
And that wasn't even my worst dating experience.
(Next morning's note: In the dream, a voice whispered to me, "You should have seen him standing on the stage in that red velvet dress. Before I could even answer, I was shown the image from another time like a photograph. Yes I guess I was reborn. But that's a story for a new diary, because this one is now full. )
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