I closed my eyes. I wanted to help her, I really did, but I couldn’t leave my father. I was all he had left now, and I would make sure he would live in comfort for his last years

“I can’t,” I said, heart lurching. “At least, not right now. My father needs me, I can’t leave him.”

Inari’s voice was controlled and quiet. “You would pick your father over a goddess?”

“Yes,” I replied without hesitation, heart hammering in my chest. I loved Inari-sama with all that I was, but my first duty was to my father.

“You aren’t like the others, Hirotoshi-kun. Few would make such a decision, especially to my face.”

Inari reached into her sleeves again. Would she bring out a blade to take my life for defying her? I couldn’t imagine anyone doing as I had and not being punished for it.

She held out her hand towards me, unfurling her long fingers and revealing a handful of gold coins.

“Would this be enough?”

I counted them. “There’s enough here to pay for three lifetimes, let alone the remainder of one.”

“Then your father can live like a daimyo in his last days, while I make use of his only son.”

I looked between the coins and Inari. My father could have anything with these coins… everything except me?

“No.”

“No?”

“What is money without love? My father would be richer than he could ever dream of, and he’d be alone. I am his only family.”

Inari’s eyes darkened. “You’d refuse a god twice?”

I could feel my hands trembling, my heart hammering in the forge of my chest. “Yes.”

A silence descended over the room, only broken by the laughter of the room beside us. I wondered if Inari stayed quiet to give me chance to change my mind, but I would not.

“Then you should go to him.”

I nearly spluttered the words which hung to my lips. “What? But what of—”

“If he is more important than even myself, you should be with him, not sat here in my sanctuary. I will have use for you later.”

My heart still thumped over and over, fear flooding my veins. It felt like one wrong move could be the end for me. I’d done as no other had and lived… so far. I should take the mercy that she showed now and get far away.

“Very well,” I said, standing on shaking legs. Fear so strong even my muscles betrayed me. “I’ll return home.”

“You’ll come back though?” Inari said, fingertips tracing the edge of the sake cup. “when your loyalty is only to me.”

I nodded. I would repay her for all the help she’d given me, and even this chance.

“Then you’ll need to find a way back here to this sanctuary. Prayer won’t be enough for a second visit.” Inari stood silently, kimono still perfect. “Follow me.”

I was tentative, but guilt still filled my belly. Down the hallway I followed, deeper into a maze of rooms. We passed open doors and golden rooms until Inari stopped at a door barely visible. Sliding it open, she gestured inside.

Rows of masks lay inside, filling a wall with their blank expressions. I stepped inside and looked at them all, eyes jumping from one to the next. Every mask carved in the shape of a fox, painted white, outlined in red.

“What are they?” I asked, spotting one unlike the rest. A wicked smile pulled the lips upwards.

“Those who wear one of these masks will be able to see the true nature of this place, and find the entrance. Pick one, whichever one you are drawn towards and take it.”

Sightless eyes stared back at me as I wandered up and down, looking at each mask. They were almost all the same and it made no difference to me, although Inari’s wording made me pause. Would one of these be better than the rest? How would I know which one I was drawn towards?

I stopped at a mask as plain as the rest. This one had a crack running along the side, recent damage, it seemed, as paint had chipped off the wood. Why hadn’t it been fixed? I lifted it from the wall—

A face appeared in the gap. “Good choice.”

  “Ah!” I stumbled back. The mask dropped to the tatami.

“No need to break it further,” the voice continued. The figure stepped out from the display, chuckling to herself.

“Ayaki-kun always likes to play tricks,” Inari said, laughing alongside her.

Ayaki stopped to pluck it from the floor. In her small hands, she turned it, checking for damage before stepping closer. “Here, let me.”

I glanced to Inari who nodded, and reluctantly let Ayaki slip the mask over my face. Once in place, she tied the blood red strings behind my head. The mask smelt old, wood so aged it had almost lost it’s scent, and yet the faintest of something reached my nose. I spent so long in the forge now that all I was used to smelling was the burning of coals and wood, and I’d even started to forget the wonderful scents of the forest. I missed it sometimes, the feel of the sun reaching me through the leaves swaying in the soft wind.

  Beside me now stood Inari, watching me with sharp eyes. I could see her through the small slits in the mask, her red kimono fitting tight, sleeves dropping down low. Ayaki smiled.

“It suits you,” she said, standing back and admiring the mask.

“You picked well,” Inari said. “Now go if you mean to.”

I nodded. I had to leave now before I started doubting myself. Somehow I’d made it this far without being punished, and I wasn’t about to refuse Inari a third time. Back out into the hallway, I hurried towards the exit, eyes to the floor. The timber beneath my feet was deep brown and tough, there was much extravagance here when you looked closer. I hadn’t noticed at first, too wary of this place.

It didn’t take me long to slip on my shoes and head back into the icy snow, stopping only to bow deeply to Inari-sama and Ayaki. The mask still sat on my face, a perfect fit against my skin. I almost wanted to remove it to see if Inari’s house disappeared. Right now it still stood out in the row of machiya, beckoning for me to return. Perhaps one day I’d own one of the houses beside her. Start my own family. Surely living beside a god would be the luckiest place in the city.

The street was quiet tonight, most people had retreated to their homes, tucked up warm. My own was far from here, and half the size of any of these expensive houses. The few men who wandered the streets have me a cautionary glance before averting their eyes. I’d never been given such looks before; It had to be because of the mask. I wondered when I could take it off as I didn’t want everyone avoiding me. I was still me.

It wasn’t that unusual to see such fox masks during a festival, and it hadn’t been too long since the last one. Winter had struck hard and fast, winds blew away the last of summer, and along with it, the last of the festivals. They’d start up again in the spring after the snow had melted enough, and the trees began to burst into life again.

From Inari’s street I turned down another, this one semi flooded with melted snow. I knew this one all too well, as many blacksmiths worked in this area. This was where the best crafts came from, the truest honed swords. My master had walked me down this very street, showing me what I could do some day. He didn’t want me hammering tools and nails as I had done in the village, he wanted to train me in the beauty of hammering life into a blade, one that’d take many lives if made well. I hated the idea of making something that would kill, but I knew it was also for protection. It was exactly why I had one myself. The blade hammered from the wicked claw of a raijuu.

I’d shown my master one day, keeping it hidden until the last moment. A light had filled his eyes, intense and wild.

“The gods bless you, Aoi-kun. They have plans for you.”

He was right. I wasn’t even sure now if I wanted him to be right. At the time I did, clutching onto the fond memories of besting a raijuu. And now I knew the full truth. I owed my life to Inari. Without her, I would have died as a child running away from the raijuu.

It hurt my heart now to walk past each forge, hearing the bright clanging of metal and cracking of burning wood in my mind. It should have been me and my master working all day long, sweat rolling, even in this weather.

“Konbanwa, Aoi-san,” a voice called.

I looked around and spotted a miko standing by the red torii gate of the nearby shrine, Mitsumi; the shrine maiden had spoken to me many times about Inari. As patron to blacksmiths, many of them prayed to her for good luck. Seeing it always warmed my heart, and now the bright red torii gate broke the muted colours around it.

  Today Mitsumi wore something different, a red kimono the same shade as the torii gate and her short black hair adorned with delicate flowers.

  “Konbanwa,” I replied, heading over to her. “You’re out la—”

  I froze.

There on Mitsumi’s head, between carefully crafted sakura ornaments, sat a pair of ears. Fox ears.

And how did she know it was me? I was wearing the mask…

Mitsumi smiled. “I always knew one day you’d find your way to Inari.”

“You… You’re a…”

She spun around, long white fox tail bushy against her red kimono.

“But, how?” I blurted out. I knew it was rude to ask, far too rude for just a blacksmith, but the words fell out.

“There are many things that human eyes can’t see,” another voice added with a chuckle. “Just like me.”

As if from nowhere, a new figure emerged. A pure white fox, standing on it’s hindlegs up tall. Behind it lay three bushy white tails.

“Konbanwa, I am Rei.”

My fingers reached up to the strings behind my head and I pulled them loose, dropping the mask from my face. Was it the mask that was letting me see this? I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

As it fell away, the ears and tails and full white fox on it’s hindlegs... still showed.

“I don’t think he knows,” Mitsumi said to the fox, and they both erupted into laughter.

“Don’t know what?” I looked between them.

“No, I don’t think he does!” The fox crowed. “He’s so confused.”

“Tell me, please,” I begged. “What is so funny?”

“Check yourself,” Mitsumi said, finally.

“What?” I growled and glanced downwards. I wore a dark grey kimono and a light grey obi that had been white once, but charcoal had darkened it. There was nothing amiss, even as I turned to check my back... except—

A tail.

I stared at it, the black tail laying flat against my kimono. “What? Why do I have a tail? It wasn’t there before!”

“Why do you think you can see our true forms?” Rei said. “You’re like us.”

They laughed again. “What did you think the mask was for? Most kitsune start this way.”

“Just not like me,” Rei said. “Kiko are a little different.”

“That’s right,” a lofty voice said from behind me. “I pick my messenger kitsune carefully.” Inari wandered past me, long hair brushing my arm. “I see you have met my newest kitsune. This is Hirotoshi, I expect great things of him.”

Me, a kitsune? It couldn’t be true, surely.

But there was a tail. I was scared to reach up to my head and check for ears too.

“I thought you would have at least told him,” Mitsumi said to Inari. “Poor thing looks so lost.”

“Am I truly a kitsune?” I panicked. “I don’t want to be one. Change me back!”

Inari stepped closer to me and took hold of my hands. “You came to me, and I blessed you. I’ve even allowed you to go to your father first. This is the highest favour I have, and I know you will do well with it.” Inari stared deep into my eyes, hers dark and commanding. “Hirotoshi, with your pure heart you could even rise further and become one of my tenko. Only few make it that far. You can have powers of your own, powers to help anyone you want.”

My heart crumpled. Inari stood there offering the highest blessing anyone could hope for or want. And I was here, denying it. I just wanted to take care of my father.

“I won’t change you back,” she said finally. “You are mine now.”

Inari brought out a small bag from her kimono and pressed it in my hand.

“You should be a dutiful son and give these to your father. You forgot them before. I could almost take that as a refusal for my help.”

Inari released my hands for a moment, before grabbing my shoulders and pulling me into an embrace. Such warmth radiated from her, as if I had been pulled into an onsen. Falling deeper and deeper into the magic and whims of a god. I could feel the fight draining from me, being replaced with a calmness I’d never felt before. What was she doing? I wanted to escape… but she was so warm… so warm. I could feel myself drifting away, hearing the laughter of the kitsune fading away.

A sparrow called. Singing to the wind. I opened my eyes and saw it flying above, dancing in the eddies of air.

Where was I?

I glanced around. My breath caught when I spotted the trees towering around me, standing tall and firm. I wasn’t in the city now, I knew those trees. I’d climbed one of them a few times, hiding away for some peace, watching the village work between the swaying leaves. Of course I was back here. Inari had somehow sent me. Another whim of the gods.

I’d left the village behind without hesitation before, tired of being reminded of my mother at every turn, however in the city all I’d wanted was to be here, in the forest. Back where my mother left her imprint on the world.

Standing, I brushed down my kimono. Loose grass stuck to the fabric, wet with morning dew. The mask had vanished, and I almost thought I’d dreamt the day before… but in my hands sat the bag of coins I’d never earnt. What would my father say? Would he believe that Inari had turned me into a kitsune? I didn’t even truly believe it. It all felt like a trick, a jibe, anything to be laughed at.

What did I really expect from foxes, however. I’d learnt a long time ago it wasn’t that simple. And who would be more deceptive than the goddess of foxes herself.

With a sigh, I set off towards my fathers house, a deep guilt pitting in my stomach. The coins Inari had given me would bring him happiness at least. It would be good to see his face light up knowing there was nothing to worry about now. I smiled. That would be worth all this.

As I hurried through the village, tail bouncing behind me, I let go of the worries chewing inside me.

And I wondered if I ever had a choice to begin with.