The Fourth Night

I kiss the apothecary, massaging circles into her back through the black shirt. She must have countless copies of this same shirt. It’s a random thought, but it puts a small smile on my lips as I push myself closer against her, slipping one leg between hers. She eagerly responds, one hand resting on my thigh and pulling me closer as she kisses me deeply. Her hands grasp at me firmly, squeezing my breasts, my ass, my thighs, like she can’t get enough of me. 

“I’m surprised you want to do this again so soon,” I gasp as the apothecary sucks at my neck, over the marks I know she already left there this morning. She hums, low in her throat, her hand returning to my breast and teasing me delightfully. I resist the urge to claw at her back, wanting to feel that skin I’ve never even seen. But I wouldn’t dare leave more marks on her skin, not when I don’t know the full scope of her scars. I'd hate to cause her any pain.

“Silly girl, I always crave you,” the apothecary rasps in between the kisses she litters across my chest. This is nice. Good, in fact - her touch is a gift as always, and after tonight, we need only do this once more and then that poison will be mine. And then, I can leave here, and never come back. I can kill my father, and then all of this suffering…it’ll be over. I won’t have to deal with the endless guilt anymore. I’ll…I’ll be free.

My soul will be free, and I will be dead.

“Temi? What’s wrong?” I hadn’t even noticed that she’d stopped her perusal of my body. Giving her my best smile, I shake my head.

“Nothing, everything is fine. Please continue.”

The apothecary frowns, her hand completely stilling against me. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea…please tell me what you’re thinking about?” She asks softly, laying down next to me and trailing her fingers up and down my bare arm comfortingly. “Please Temi, talk to me,” she murmurs.

“No,” I say a little more forcefully than I intended. I’m ready now. Ready to kill my father, ready to avenge Oria, ready to die. I need to get this over and done with. “Come on, I just want to get our contract done,” I am unable to keep the urgency out of my voice, and it only concerns the shopkeeper more. She sits up, reaching down to cup my cheek.

“Temi. What’s happening? I thought- I thought you liked it here,” she whispers, her expression mournful. Pulling myself upright, I place my hand against her neck, intending to kiss her, but she pushes me away. She isn’t going to let this go, then.

“Temi! I’m not going to have sex with you right now,” she says firmly, her gaze hard. Grabbing my nightshirt, I pull it back on, feeling like a fool. Gods, how did I ever get myself in such a ridiculous situation like this?

“Why not? We have two more nights. Two more nights and then I can leave,” I spit out bitterly, frustration bubbling in my gut. The apothecary looks even more hurt by my words as she turns to look away from me.

“I thought you were doing this because you wanted to. I thought the contract was just- I don’t know. A formality. An excuse,” she whispers, her dark curls hiding her eyes from me. Yes, it was. I want to stay here with you, with or without a contract. But I can’t say that. I can never say that. I have a job to do, and I will complete it, no matter what tries to get in my way.

“I have a hunt. You know that, you’ve always known that. You have no reason to be hurt by this knowledge, when it was staring right back at you this whole time.” I’m being unnecessarily harsh, I know I am. But…I don’t know if I can stay another two nights here. I have to go. I have to go now. Standing up, I grab my trousers and day shirt, pulling them on.

“Temi? Where are you going? Please, don’t go,” the apothecary scrambles out of bed and wraps her arms around me from behind, resting her head against my shoulder. “Please, just tell me what I did wrong. What happened?”

Shaking my head, I push her away again. “I have to go. You can’t stop me- no one can. I have to do this.”

“And what is it you have to do? What could be more important than your own happiness?” She practically yells, pain coursing through her eyes. Maybe, all those times she looked at me with love in her eyes…maybe that was real. Maybe that really was something special.

Maybe, she really does love me.

But it doesn’t matter.

“You really want to know?” I struggle to keep myself from shouting, “you, who still hasn’t told me your name? You, who have told me nothing? Fine, if you want to know so badly,” I pull my boots on, gripping my bow and quiver tightly. “I’m going to kill my father. I’m going to kill him and then I’m going to kill myself. Happy now? Glad I told you my huge secret?” I shout, my eyes feeling hot, a lump in my throat. But I won’t cry. Not in front of her.

“No…please, no,” she whispers, pressing her hand to her mouth, eyes wide as she steps closer. “Temi, please don’t throw your life away like that! Isn’t it better to defy him by living well, instead? Why punish yourself along with him?” She reaches out to cup my cheek but I push her hand away, a decade of sadness and rage and hurt overflowing from my heart.

“Because I deserve the same fate as that pig!” I feel hot tears spill from my eyes, but I don’t bother to wipe them away. “Because I loved a girl but I did nothing to stop him as my father tortured her to death! I listened as her screams cut off, and no matter what I do, or how much time passes, I cannot get that sound out of my head - not until her screams are replaced with his.” 

The apothecary is shocked into silence, so I take that as my chance to leave. To leave her and never come back.

“Goodbye, apothecary,” I whisper, pulling the door open.

“Wait! Artemisia! That isn’t what-“ I shut the door behind me. 

I have a long journey ahead.