I Shall Rewrite the Stars

Chapter 18

***

She is fine, I tell myself. Ptolemy has just…wandered off to mope or marvel at the jeweled pillars in some other part of the palace.

 Something inside prods at me, insisting there is more to her absence than such trivial reasons. But I’ve no time to deal with Ptolemy’s childishness. Finding Cearion is my priority, and so I continue after Juba and the maid.

Quick to separate us into different rooms, the woman helps me to strip and redress in a soft, yellow tunic over black shalwar. A matching headscarf is offered, but I decline it for the time being.

“Where is Juba?” I ask, as we return to the hall.

“He has changed and gone on ahead to assist Velaikkarar Mrunal,” the maid replies. “Shall I take you to them?”

“I…” I shake my head. “Please take me to the yuvaraja’s chamber, first.”

Eyes wide, the maid nods and leads me down a series of halls. The guards cast curious looks my way, when we stop before them, though not a word is said as they open the doors.

Entering as quietly as I can, I smile at the sleeping boy on the bed. Already his cheeks are fuller and tinged pink; his short, dark hair is lush; and his chest rises and falls without any sign of strain. The fragile child I recall is a blessedly healthy Son of Indrira once more.

Following the urge of warmth in my chest, I kneel to brush my fingers through the boy’s bangs. He stirs a bit, but his eyes remain shut.

“If all goes well, you will become the first Son of Kemet for your generation,” I whisper. “While I am gone you must rest and grow stronger. For I shall rewrite the future so that, on some far-off day when you take the throne of Indrira, you will rule in an era of peace.”

The thought that this precious boy, who has suffered so much, may become my first nephew…it brings me such joy and fear. To see him now, so small, so full of potential, makes my heart swell! But remembering how I first found him, and knowing that such horrors can befall him again, are what urge me back to my feet.

Leaving little Dasharatha, I ask to be taken to Juba.

Standing before the gates, where five white-cloaked men set about hefting sacks onto the backs of camels, Juba speaks with Mrunal. After thanking the maid, I join them.

“The men I’ve assembled serve alongside me, as the rajkumari’s personal guard,” Mrunal says, waving toward them. “They’re well-trained and fiercely loyal. You will be safe in our company, Selene.”

“I would feel safe with just you alone, Mrunal,” I say, smiling at his pink cheeks.

“You would be safe even were it just the two of us,” Juba says, flashing Mrunal a cold glance before he takes the headscarf from my hands. Unfurling the fabric, Juba sets it over my head. “The open desert will be unbearable. Take care to keep from getting sunburnt.”

“I was born and raised in a desert kingdom, Juba,” I remind. “I am well acquainted with the heat and sun.”

“Even so, there will be no comforts such as a cool breeze from the Medi. You may find an Indriran desert to be more perilous, when compared to those of Kemet.”

“Which is why we’ll leave now,” Mrunal says, over shouts of ‘all set’ from our companions. “We will travel until dark, camp a few hours, and travel again until just after dawn.”

“And resume our journey close to dusk,” Juba assumes.

“Exactly. It may be difficult to adjust to such a sleeping schedule, but this will ensure we reach the North Desert as soon as possible.”

“A goal for which I will do whatever it takes,” I say. “Cearion is in grave danger. I must reach him before it is too late.”

Mrunal bows his head. “We shall ride like the spirit of fire is at our heels. I swear to you, Selene, we will do all we can to save your brother.”

“Thank you.”

Mrunal turns away, headed over to fetch a camel for Juba and I. Soon as he is out of sight, Juba takes my hands.

“If this journey does not end as you hope it will, promise not to blame yourself,” he says. “As with what happened to your parents, some things cannot be changed, and that is not your fault, Selene.”

“There was no time to save Mother and Father,” I say. “This time is different. I don’t know when, specifically, Cyrus will betray Cearion. But I do know that it was meant to be soon.”

“What if you don’t-”

“I understand your concerns, Juba, but even if the worst awaits us, I cannot give up on my brother just yet. Not until I have seen with my own eyes, that all hope for him has been lost.”

Mrunal summons us then, waving toward the creature at his side. Beautiful, with sleek, golden-brown fur and two high humps, the camel sinks down on long, folded legs. Topped with a brown leather harness, over which a red-striped blanket has been lain, the camel’s large black eyes watch me with a lazy curiosity.

I smile, accepting Mrunal’s hand as he helps me to perch atop the gentle beast. A moment later, Juba takes a seat behind me with the camel’s reins in hand. I groan as he urges it to stand, for we totter more so now than we had upon the elephant!

“I’ve got you,” Juba whispers. “The swaying will even out soon.”

“I...I know,” I say, my stomach churning. “I know.”

“Selene!” a sudden voice shouts.

“Heli?” I look toward the palace, where Helios and Raja pause in the grand archway.

“I’ll work hard to earn my place here—to earn the trust of Indrira!” Helios says. “So don’t worry about me or Ptolemy. We’ll be alright!”

Lifting a trembling hand, I wave. “As will Juba and I. So have no fear! We will be back before you know it.”

“We shall hold you to that,” Raja says, flicking a wave. “Now be off, all of you. Go with the blessing of Maharaja Ashoka Indrira, and the promise of both his and my wrath, should you get yourselves into trouble.”

“We could have done without that last part, Highness,” Mrunal sighs, to the laughter of his men. Steering his camel toward the gates, which slowly part, he takes the lead.

Trusting Juba to follow, I sink back with closed eyes. Though the sick feeling inside only worsens as we move, the sound of Juba’s heartbeat helps to keep my breakfast where it should be. Thank goodness he has chosen to join me, I think. To be apart for any length of time, would be agony. Especially with this cursed motion sickness.

“Are you feeling any better?” Juba asks after a while, as we navigate the first of many crowded streets, toward the towering city walls.

“It will be a long while before I do,” I say, laughing weakly. “You know, in my visions you were rarely so kind and considerate—at least, at first. You seemed frustrated with everything about me.”

“I’ve been falsely accused of believing myself superior to others. In reality, when I see someone make a stupid mistake, I cannot help but feel annoyed with them.”

“Because they tread so carelessly, and then suffer for it.” I heave a sigh. “In the future, I was meant to make countless stupid mistakes. But unlike most, though you were meant to be sometimes cruel with your chastising, you were also meant to be lenient with me.”

“Because you’d lived all your life till then, as a royal?” Juba assumes. “I really can’t stand royalty, thanks to Gustavian. But in your situation, it’d make sense why you wouldn’t know how to be a proper slave.”

A nervous thought strikes me. “Our friendship was supposed to be founded on mutual ground as Romasian slaves. Since we met in this life, despite losing much of the luxuries attached to my title, I have still been treated as a royal daughter should be. Does this…do I, bother you?”

“No,” Juba says. “After all the time we have spent together, I’ve found you to be very different from the royalty of Roma. You have a kind heart and an honest tongue, Selene. You treat both the maharaja and the lowliest servants with equal dignity, and I admire that.” Softer he adds, “I admire you.”

My heart racing, I dare a glance back. Juba meets my eyes with red cheeks, and the way he looks at me…

I turn forward, pressing my hands over my chest. I know that gaze. It was meant to comfort me in my darkest hours. It was meant to encourage me to keep faith that some good still existed in the world. It…it was meant to remind me that I am cared for above all else, to at least one precious person.

He is not that person, I remind myself. I have simply…imagined it—and there is a great difference between admiration and love! And…and…

“Have I said something wrong?” Juba whispers, his breath warm against my hair.

I shake my head, unable to find the words to reassure him. But as we pass into the shadow of the city wall, and then beyond, questions dance at the tip of my tongue.

What did all did you mean by that?

Why did you look at me like that?

Do you…do you feel anything more than friendly admiration for me?

Fear keeps my lips sealed. It is difficult enough, worrying whether we shall reach Cearion in time. I cannot handle the thought of humiliating myself with false assumptions. Nor the heartache of hearing it said aloud, that Juba in fact does not love me.

To know it is one thing, but to hear it spoken from his own lips, would shatter my fractured heart to bits.

Several hours of wallowing in my tortured thoughts and motion sickness drag by. When at last the faint lights of Pataliputra have vanished beyond the horizon, we stop to make camp. Two of Mrunal’s men set to building a fire, whilst the rest direct their camels in a wide ring around it.

Juba hops down, turns, and pulls me onto wobbling feet. I sit, embarrassed, and lean back to watch the stars twinkling in the endless darkness of the night sky. Yet no matter which direction I look, the stars blur and vanish. I see their glow in my peripheral vision, but cannot look at them directly.

“Do you see a new future up there?” Juba asks, taking a seat once our camel has sunk onto its belly.

“The future I see lives in my heart,” I say. “It will only appear in the sky, once I have stretched up and written our new fate with stars born of my own hands.”

“Once you’ve written that fate, we’ll both be free. Right?” As he speaks, Juba sets the trailing end of his scarf around my shoulders. “We will walk safely, bathed in starlight cast over a world where Gustavian can never touch us again.”

Clutching the scarf with one hand, I rub my cheek against it. “I did not live to see such a future, in my visions. But in my heart, I can imagine it. And it is so beautiful, Juba. So peaceful.”

“For one who suffered so much in her visions, and so much already in the present, your resolve has never wavered.” As Juba smiles, the first flickers of firelight dance across his face, and their reflection sparkles in his dark eyes. “You’ve such a strong soul, Selene. It’s beautiful to me.”

 “Thank you,” I breathe, glancing away to toy with the end of the scarf. “Tell me, will you answer my question now? Of what changed since our argument, I mean.”

“I still need time,” Juba says. “I want…to have the right words, when I explain myself. I don’t want to confuse you.”

Peeking over, I see that his face has gone red all the way to his ears. My heart shakes at the sight, and brazenly, I dare to set my cheek against Juba’s shoulder.

“Push me away if you’d like,” I say, sighing with content.

Juba shifts his arm to support my back. “Haven’t you any concern with this position? You are still a royal daughter, and I am nothing more than a runaway slave.”

I frown. “No matter what life we are living, or what titles we bear, I will always wish to be where I am now. There is nowhere else in all the world that I would rather be.”

“Others may misunderstand. They may think things about us that are not true.”

“Let them think whatever they so desire. We know the truth, and that is good enough.”

Juba releases his breath with a soft chuckle. “Your confidence is beyond comprehension.”

“Would you prefer me to be without it?” I ask.

“Never.”

“Good. Then I shall remain as I am, and someday, you shall be just as confident, Juba.”

“Will you write such a day into my future?”

I laugh. “Have you not noticed yet, that I have already begun to?”

***