She awoke to hearing a foreign, male voice in her home. She jolted awake and rushed to her gun cabinet. She quickly unlocked it and retrieved her shotgun. She pursued the voice and aimed the gun at the intruder. 

Her husband’s friend group stared at her with wide eyes. She cleared her throat and lowered her gun. “Sorry, I forgot you were inviting your friends over.” 

Claudius cleared his throat as well, glided to her side, and guided her to the kitchen. “Baby, are you alright? Why were you home so early?" 

Eldora took a deep breath and placed her shotgun carefully on the ground. She wiped her sweaty forehead. "A student called me a bitch…"

Claudius's eyes widened he sympatheticically drew her into an embrace. "I'm so sorry." He whispered.

"No, that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was that I lowered myself to his level." She sniffled. 

Claudius looked into her eyes searchingly. "You didn't call him any bad names, did you?"

"No. I told him he wouldn't amount to anyrhing--that he was a loser." She answered. "I can't stand this any more! I have to quit!"

Claudius's face went white with terror. "Don't be so hasty. We need money to--" 

"Money, money, money! I'm so sick of it! I need more than money to survive! I need meaning and a safe place to call home!" The words tumbled out of her mouth without permission.

Claudius's face was full of hurt at first, trembling profusely. Eventually, he swalloed and said drily, "so you aren't safe at home? Despite the roof I put so nicely over your head and all the food I give you?" 

"I…! I pay for plenty of it! Just cause you pay for most of it--! Besides! You're the one inviting these strange men over all the time! Who knows what they're capable of!"

"You've known my friends for years! They've never touched a hair on your head!"

"You're too old to be getting drunk with them and playing videogames and poker all night! Grow up!"

 "What about you? You go out to that book club with women I don't even know and come home plastered from all the wine you drink!"

They both panted heavily, glaring at each other venomously. 

The same sentence tumbled out of their mouths at the same time. "Give me children! Then maybe we won't hate each other!"

They both stared at each other, eyes wide. She turned away in a moment. She swallowed, not knowing what to say. She turned back to him in a moment, eyes teary. “I’m not sure a child could fix this…”

He stared back at her, his own eyes teary. “It’s what we’ve always wanted, though. We could just keep trying–”

“It’s not just the child, Claudius! It’s the lack of money, our awful jobs, our lack of intimacy, how much we hate each other’s hobbies and friends!” she cried. 

“We can work on that, though. We can try therapy–as long as we love each other…” he spluttered.

The look on her face drove him to silence. She wanted to tell him what she had been telling him since they had first gotten married–that she loved him unconditionally, and always would. She was a woman who always wanted to make it work. Marriage was sacred to her, and she was shocked and disgusted that the words didn’t come easily to her as they should have. 

Claudius’s face became harsh when she didn’t say it. “After all the work we’ve put into this marriage, you’re just going to walk away? I thought you were a Christian!” 

Her eyes narrowed with offense. “I am a Christian, and I will always be a Christian. I’m not giving up! I just… I need to remember why I love you.” 

“Well, perhaps I need to remember why I love you, too. I forgot you can be impossible, annoying, purport to have high moral standards, and yet still look down on others!” he exclaimed. 

“I wouldn’t have to look down at you if you didn’t spend so much time being a teenager with your loser friends and playing videogames!” she yelled.

“At least I still try to have fun! All you do is sit on the couch watching crime shows when you come home! What happened to playing videogames with me? What happened to the spirited girl I fell in love with who wanted to do art, write stories, go out and see the world? She’s gone–dead! Replaced by this miserable husk I see before me!”

Tears streamed down her cheeks. She wordlessly marched to the key rack, grabbed her keys, and hopped in the car. 

She didn’t know where she was going. She just knew she had to get away from that house, from that man, from everything that was dragging her down and making her miserable. 

How did this happen to us? I know I still love him. Why can’t I say it anymore? And how could we say those awful things to each other? She wept bitter tears. 

She drove to a nearby river, clambered out of her car, and walked to a bridge overlooking the river. She leaned on it silently, contemplating what had gone wrong in her life. 

Do I really want a divorce? The thought was too ugly for her bear. Part of her thought it wouldn’t be so bad to get divorced. They had no children, after all, and little to lose. 

She clutched her head. She felt her whole body cringing at her own thoughts. So many of her friends who had gotten married had that same thought process. To them, marriage truly was just a piece of paper, which was why they found it so easy to cut and run when things got hard. 

She thought she was different. She thought marriage was sacred–that it was easy, so long as she always tried to maintain it. 

She thought of the many things that had gone wrong, and began to recognize that there was nothing hugely wrong in their marriage. It was a lot of silly, small things. 

She began making a list. 

We haven’t had sex in four months.

We have no money. 

We only talk for thirty minutes a day because of our jobs sometimes. 

We hate each other’s friends. 

We don’t engage in each other’s hobbies. 

We want children, but we’re both infertile.