“A couple years ago, I made this plan for myself. I…” As Jed spoke, his eyes darted around, landing on anywhere but Vanessa. The words seemed to stick in his throat, struggling to find their way out and into the open air. “I decided that, if I didn’t get a better job, didn’t become successful, and, um… didn’t find someone who thought I was worthwhile, I’d…”
The way he spoke was slow, strained, as if every word was fighting him to stay inside. “I was going to just… um. Kill myself. But, it’s different now. My life is good. I look forward to waking up every day.” His voice trembled, the sudden rawness opening a floodgate of emotions. “ I don’t just, um, wait for the night to come so I have an excuse to sleep. I… I enjoy getting out. I enjoy walking around. I… I enjoy going to work and… I feel good about myself.”
The first tear broke free, tracing down Jed’s cheek. He blinked rapidly, attempting to thwart its existence. “For the first time in forever, I like myself. And, and I know you said that I’m the reason I’m where I am. You’re… you’re right. But, I also… I need to thank you. You gave me the support I needed to realize I could be something more… something that mattered.” With that, more tears began to follow. Jed moved closer to Vanessa, wanting, needing comfort. She obliged, pulling him close to her chest, softly petting his hair as he regained his composure.
Her embrace was warm, inviting. Jed burrowed his face into her, wrapping his arms around Vanessa’s waist and squeezing tight -- he was so, so touch starved. Jed hadn’t realized how much he missed this feeling. Vanessa rested her chin on top of his head, rubbing comforting circles on his back, hoping to offer some sort of reassurance. It had been awhile since she had indulged herself in a hold like this. Vanessa forgot the peace it brought with it. As they laid there, the rise and fall of their chests harmonized, their breathing in sync.
The two of them stayed like that for five, maybe even ten minutes, in complete silence. Jed was the first to pull away, his face wet and shiny under the gentle glow of the fairy lights. Vanessa touched his face, a tender gesture to show she supported him; to show it was okay. He placed his hand on top of hers.
“I’m… I’m sorry, Vanessa. I know you’re my boss. I shouldn’t, um. I shouldn’t cross this boundary.” At that, Vanessa took her hand away, sitting up slightly. Jed looked up, watching her from below. “Amon told me it would be, um… weird.”
With a shaky sigh, Vanessa pinched the bridge of her nose, formulating a response. “I’m not your boss here, okay?” She looked over to Jed, worried. “At work, when we’re training, I’m your boss. But… off the clock, I’m not. Is that okay with you? Can you work with that? I don’t usually try to juggle both professional and personal relationships with clients -- it doesn’t usually work. But, I like you Jed! And I want to be friends with you, too.”
Jed got up, meeting her height. “Yes. I can do that, I promise.”
“Okay, but you have to like, respect me in the office. Don’t even think about any of the friend stuff we do when you’re at work. ‘Kay?”
“I barely think about anything at work.”
“Well, don’t tell me that.” Vanessa’s eyes lit up at that, stifling a laugh. She was excited Jed’s mood was improving so quickly! Men were so strange. They moved on so fast. “And seriously don’t tell Amon. He’d go crazy if he knew you weren’t listening to him.”
Jed grinned, his eyebrows arched in speculation. “Oh, I know. That’s why I don’t tell you about how often I zone out during your design rants.”
He brought his hand up, pressing his fingers together and faking a hand-puppet mouth. Making it talk, Jed said, “Oh, Jed! Today I designed boxing gloves!! The yellow on the gloves represents the sun because, you’re, like, totally beautiful and amazing!! And… the blue represents the sky! Because, like, you can fly!! Aren’t these designs totally novel?!?”
A short exhale of amused disbelief escaped through her nose. “Oookay. Sure.” She grabbed one of the pillows and threw it at Jed. He caught it and tossed it back at her with unusual strength. She ducked, avoiding it, and reached into her arsenal of pillows.
“Hey, that’s not fair! I don’t have any on this side!” Jed scoured the area, but, unfortunately, he was defenseless to the barrage of pillows he was about to be hit with.
As Vanessa began her tirade, the sunset finally hit Jed’s window, casting a penetrating golden ray of light into the pillow fort. It lit up every blanket, every sheet, and every rug, causing their backdrop to turn into a mirage of reds, coral pinks and oranges. It looked like they were trapped inside an autumn kaleidoscope. The fort echoed with loud THWACK’s as Vanessa tossed the decorative pillows at Jed and he attempted to block them. Almost every shot landed, considering the two of them were only two feet away, and Jed was teetering dangerously close to the edge of the bed.
Wanting to win, Jed looked at Vanessa, waiting for her next toss -- then, while she was reloading, he’d enact his revenge. Her next hit came, and thunked him square in the face. On cue, she turned away, reaching for the next, and final, pillow. That one was white, with lots of different green, purple, and orange crocheted flowers on it. Jed remembered when Harvey brought that home; his ex-girlfriend was just getting into crochet and made it as a two year anniversary present. Times were so different now. Those two were broken up and Jed was, well, not a loser anymore. According to him, at least.
Jed jumped forward and tackled Vanessa, catching her by surprise. He held her by the shoulders, borderline pinning her down. As he hung over her, his face fell in total shadow, leaving only the mischievous glint in his eyes visible. The feathers that were once suspended in the air began their descent, falling all around the two of them, framing their position. Jed’s eyes looked all over her, taking Vanessa in. He noticed a heart shaped locket around her neck -- was she wearing that before? Delicately, he touched it, as if to ask her if he could open it. Vanessa sheepishly took it into her hands and pressed it open, revealing a picture of her and her mother. Jed was officially the first person to both ask her what was inside, and to actually see the locket’s contents.
“Who’s that?”
“My mom. She was the first person to believe in me-- she paid my way through fashion school.” Jed touched the picture as she spoke, admiring it. That was something they had in common; the need to find someone who believed in them. He liked how she kept her mother close to her heart. “So I get it, babes. I get how you feel sometimes about me, and how you think I’m special because I believed in you. But, just like how I was the one to pass my classes and make a name for myself, you’re the one who’s fighting and training and totally building your confidence. You’re the person who changed your life, not me. Just like I’m the person responsible for my success, not my mom. Doesn’t mean you can’t be thankful! Just… remember. You matter in the equation.”
“That’s… true. I guess.” After Jed spoke, they remained in a slight, awkward silence for a few moments. Vanessa shut the locket.
“I guess?” Vanessa scoffed. Jed was funny. “For someone who’s 6’4”, you’re, like, super light.” Despite him holding her down, she barely felt his presence.
“Might have something to do with my hollow bones.”
The two of them stared at one another and the atmosphere suddenly shifted to something Jed couldn’t quite put a finger on just yet. He leaned down, readying himself to ask Vanessa to spend some non-work time with him. As he hyped himself up, he noticed the subtle flush embellishing her cheeks.
“Can we… do something?”
“Wha-- what do you mean??” The nature of the situation dawned on her. Vanessa gingerly shoved him off and sat up, fixing her hair. Becoming friendly with a client, especially one from the outer city was taboo enough, but this?? She couldn’t stoop to that level yet. Look at how much trouble Bindi got into!
“Oh, um. I don’t know. I kind of want to take a walk, see the leaves. They’re changing now… it’s the end of November.”
Vanessa took a deep breath at that. Whew!! She was so sure he was about to proposition her for something else. “Of course, babes! Now that you’re on bedrest, I’m free most of the week.” Jed clicked the fairy lights off as she spoke and opened up the entrance to the fort.
“Okay. Let’s go.”
“Now?”
“Now. If we go any later, the coffee shop you like might close and… I don’t have a lot to do here on my own.” Vanessa eyed the strange amount of used tissues overflowing out of the trash. “Um.”
Jed took her chin in his hand and turned her face to look anywhere but there. The sudden touch made her face feel hot. “So let’s go.”
She checked her watch. Then her calendar. Then her planner. Okay. Seemed like right now could work. Vanessa stood up, and offered a hand out to help Jed.
“Okay! Let’s do it.”
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