Chapter 8 - Talking things through

In the middle of the afternoon, Yeoul appeared and invited me for a walk in the surrounding area. We headed towards the lake, passing through the gardens. I found the courage to ask the question that hadn't left my mind. I just opened my mouth...

“Shhh! Wait. Let’s go to the pond, there’s a very peaceful place to talk.”

This pond was especially beautiful. There was an island in the middle, where a beautiful two-story hexagonal house stood out. I regretted not bringing my sitar. Although just the feeling of being inspired to play music was incredible! Since “the night” with Dong Kim I had no inspiration for anything.

We sat in the middle of the bridge.

“So, Yeoul... Who else knows you're a woman? Seojun knows, right?’

She chukled. "No, little sister. Apart from you, everyone who knew is dead. My mother and her trusted handmaid, who helped her with the birth and with taking care of me as a child.”

I felt a chill down my spine.

“Yeoul... how do you do it? I can't relax for even a second, watching every word, every gesture, every look so as not let the cat out of the bag. It’s so tiring.”

She looked me in the eyes.

“Yuna, silence is a friend who never betrays. But it really is a heavy burden. And that's why I'm so happy you're with me. Few people are trustworthy. And people change... whoever is on my side today may turn against me tomorrow. Sometimes stupid things make a friendship disappear. I can't take the risk. That's also why I tell you something. For me, our relationship is deeper than any other. More than any marriage, love or pledge of loyalty.”

She looked down thoughtfully.

“Sorry to put such a heavy burden on you without warning. In fact... I know that the role of empress is already too heavy, and few people want it. Only the most ambitious ones. And that worried me a lot, because people ambitious enough to want the title of empress are often willing to go over anyone else to have power. That's why I was so excited when I saw you and realized that you didn't want that power. But I know it was a very selfish decision, and it would end your life. I beg your forgiveness, and I assure you that I will do everything I can to help you with the shitty court life.”

“Yeoul, you didn’t end my life. If I had known it would be like this, I would have done everything to be here. All that fear... that despair... was because I didn't know you were a woman.”

"Really?! Aren't you disappointed? Didn't you want a real marriage, a real husband? ARE YOU A LESBIAN?!”

I looked at her without knowing whether she was laughing or crying. How did she come to this conclusion?

“Yunaaa!!! Don't fall in love with me, okay? I know I'm beautiful, hot and smell good. And wealthy. But I really need you for other things, huh! There are thousands of other women in the world, okay?”

I laughed. “Yeoul, where do you get these ideas? I'm not a lesbian. At least, I don't think so. In fact, my problem is quite different.”

My voice started to shake. I already felt so much trust in Yeoul. She shared with me a secret perhaps more dangerous than mine. So what was this urge to cry?

Yeoul became serious, like I had rarely seen.

“Tell me. Well, if you want, of course. Or whenever you want. But know that I am here for you. And it would actually be a relief to help you with a very difficult problem. Then we would be even!”

And she started laughing again.

“I had a relationship with a guy... ... ....”

"Wow!!! Serious? Tell me more!"

...

“Is that why you didn’t want to marry me? AH! That day you ran away from home, were you going to meet him? I can't believe you would dismiss me like that. Is he beautiful? Noble or commoner? Where did you meet?”

With each question, Yeoul opened her eyes wider and came closer to me. She made various gestures, covered her mouth, put her hand on her forehead, on her heart, frowned, winked... What a crazy personality for an emperor. But this childish side of her made me lose my fear of being judged. It was a balm. I couldn't help it and started laughing.

“Yeoul, the gossiping emperor! Why do you want to know all this?”

“How can I not know? Who knows, maybe this guy will be the father of my son!”

A pang in my heart made me realize that what made my voice choke was not fear of Yeoul, but sadness. Did I still like him?

I shook my head and decided to say everything quickly, before Yeoul started making more crazy conclusions on her own.

"He abandoned me. He used me and abandoned me. And this is my fear, my secret, my entire misfortune. I'm not a virgin anymore. If you were a man, you would have killed me on our wedding night.”

“Whaaaat?!?! What a curse! Hey, Yuna. Who is this bastard? Little sister, do you want to kill him? Torture? Make him a eunuch? What do you want to do? Little sister, you are now the most powerful person in the Eastern Empire. Just say what you want to do and we’ll do it.”

“Are you crazy Yeoul? What he did is not even a crime. We can’t take a person and kill them like that, out of nowhere, right?”

Yeoul turned red. It was amazing to see someone so angry because of my pain.