Ding.
[Ye Jun-ah, let’s have dinner]
Ye Jun looked at the text message from Ji Soo, not quite registering the words. He was tired; midterms were finally over and he had just finished presenting his final project and, even worse, those distressing dreams had been ceaseless.
Ding.
[Jong In and Si Woo oppa will be there too. Hwan said he’ll be late. Come on – we hadn't seen you in weeks. I know you’re Mr. Popular and all but don’t forget about your roots!]
He sighed, his gaze moving away from his phone to the hallway in front of him. Her words were true. He hadn’t seen the group in more than two weeks. While they were technically part of the same department, his major was more so aligned with the business school than computer sciences so there hadn’t been many opportunities for them to meet or for their classes to overlap.
And well… he wanted to see them. He was getting a little tired of his new friends and the countless number of new girls who were brought into the group at the latters’ request.
He sighed again. But at the same time, he was apprehensive. The dreams were relentless. They were erotic, intense, and vivid. And they happened each and every night without fail. He feared looking too deeply into it but knew that he could no longer deny it.
He was attracted to him, that sunbae he barely knew. Go Si Woo.
That was why he hesitated. He wasn’t sure how he’d react when he came face to face with him.
And even more disconcerting, he wasn’t sure how he was going to face Jong In, his childhood friend, his best friend, a man who was in love with him.
He groaned internally.
Ye Jun had always assumed that if he could be attracted to men then it would have been Jong In. Being attracted to a man who was not him felt like a betrayal
All the times he had hurt him inadvertently by dating women, the excuse was simply that he was straight. But now it seemed like that wasn’t the case any longer….
Ding.
[I am going to take you reading my message but not responding as you coming. If you don’t deny it in 1 second, I’m telling everyone that you are. I’m telling Jong In that you are coming.]
Ding.
[Oh, 1 second passed. I guess I’m seeing you tonight at YYY Restaurant!]
Ye Jun set down his phone. It was obvious that Ji Soo was tired of his crap and had taken upon herself to take the decision out of his hands.
If only he could figure out what to do before dinner came around.
~
Later that night, Ye Jun walked through the doors of YYY restaurant. He looked around, searching for that familiar green jacket. It was the visual key that he had always relied on when it came to this group of friends.
When he spotted it, Ye Jun stopped in his tracks as he took in the scene before him.
Jong In was listening intently to Si Woo, whose body was slightly turned toward his, his chin on the arm he had propped up upon the table. Whatever the topic of conversation was, it was obviously interesting enough for them to not notice Ye Jun’s oncoming presence.
It irritated him.
Why the hell did they have to be so close to each other?
“Oh, Ye Jun!” said a voice from behind him as a hand slapped his back. He didn’t have to turn, he knew the voice. A second later, Ji Soo’s lanky frame passed his. “Thanks for gracing us with your pretty face, punk,” she said with a wide grin.
Jong In looked up immediately, cutting the conversation he had been having with the sunbae short.
Ye Jun’s mood suddenly lightened.
Jong In’s eyes searched his and the look beneath his gaze was the same as it had always been.
Ye Jun moved forward, a smile on his face. But why was it that he was so relieved? Was it because that look in his eyes meant that he had no idea, no clue as to the betrayal going on inside Ye Jun’s head? His steps faltered for a second. Could that gaze one day turn to one of disdain?
He internally shook his head. No. Right now, it was still there, which also meant that Si Woo’s attempts at seducing him were also not succeeding. He felt another pang of guilt. He had wanted Jong In to fall in love with Si Woo to appease the guilt he felt in not being able to reciprocate Jong In’s feelings.
But now what? With those dreams plaguing him, what trajectory was all this going to take?
There were only two feet left till he reached the table and with every step, the guilt was growing. If he tried to appease his curiosity about Si Woo, would the pain inflicted on Jong In be doubled?
“Hey,” he said as he reached the table. Jong In’s eyes were still on him but when he turned to meet them again, Jong In was the one who turned away. Ye Jun paused, suddenly feeling uncertain. He pulled up the empty seat next to him. “How have you been?”
He watched Jong In visibly hesitate before turning to him, his expression unusually shuttered. “I’m good. How have you been?”
Ye Jun internally frowned. It was a perfect socially acceptable response. In fact, he recalled writing it in Jong In’s list of behavior as the greeting to use with people he barely knew. He suddenly wondered if perhaps they had been apart too long.
Ye Jun had only wanted a little bit of space, just enough for Jong In to fold his feelings for him so that they could continue as they always had.
He peered at the profile of Jong In’s face. What needed to be said at a time like this to rectify the problem, he wondered.
“Hey,” he said as casually as he could as he bumped Jong In’s shoulder gently with the side of his fist, an act he had done countless times throughout the years. “It’s really good to see you.” It was an almost inane comment and yet he felt it to be true despite it being interspersed with feelings of guilt and now a small measure of anxiety.
Jong In met his eyes again and Ye Jun could see a hint of uncertainty before he hid it behind the curves of his somewhat smiling eyes. “I doubt it – I bet you’re getting into all kinds of trouble without me.”
Ye Jun grinned. “It’s been really hard not to when you’ve been my voice of reason all these years.”
“Not by choice, my life’s hard enough already without playing your nanny,” he grumbled but Ye Jun could sense the smile and he felt relieved.
“What kind of trouble would you get into, Mr. Han?” interrupted a voice dripping with amusement. Ye Jun turned to look at the seat beyond Jong In’s. He had momentarily forgotten that the sunbae was there but when their eyes met, his heart began to beat a bit faster out of nervousness.
“This punk would get into all kinds of minor trouble and drag Jong In into them,” Ji Soo cut in as she sat down across from them. “Looking at him, you’d think he was all put together but that’s mostly because of Jong In. This one time, he forgot his girlfriend’s birthday and had asked Jong In to stall her for two hours so that he could sneak out of school and buy her a gift. The entire class knew it was her birthday that day too since she had even loudly reminded him in class the day before.”
“Hold on,” Ye Jun said, laughter in his voice. “I was at Jong In’s house playing video games all night. It was a newly released one and she knew that I spent Thursday evenings with him.”
“Well, you could have bought it on Wednesday,” chimed in Jong In.
Ye Jun looked at him with mock betrayal on his face. “You too?” Then he laughed, seeing the teasing expression on Jong In’s face. The familiarity was comforting.
Ji Soo joined in on the laughter. “You should have seen how hard Jong In struggled. This kid always had trouble talking to people and so he decided to explain Jupiter’s rotation and the possibility of human inhabitability on one of its moons. The girl just spent the whole time staring at him with this dumbfounded expression. Jong In would pretend to not hear her every time she interrupted him asking where Ye Jun was. All the while, he would be secretly texting me to find Ye Jun.”
Si Woo smiled. “Why didn’t she just ignore Jong In and go look for him herself?”
“Ah well,” said Ji Soo, taking a sip of her beer before continuing. “It was well known knowledge that you don’t mess with Jong In or you’re out with Ye Jun.”
All talking seemed to cease for a moment following her words and Ye Jun peered at Jong In but met Si Woo’s gaze instead. He could see a strange glint in the older man’s eyes.
Suddenly a deep ‘hey’ came from behind Ye Jun and he turned to see Hwan as he walked around the table and plopped down on the seat next to Ji Soo.
“Long time no see,” he said, his eyes meeting Ye Jun’s. He then turned to Ji Soo and smiled at her.
“Tough day?” she asked, tenderly.
“Professor is making us do all the work as he goes off and eats lunch with some corporate heads,” he mumbled, scooting closer to her chair and placing his head on her shoulder.
“You can rest soon,” she replied, patting his cheek. “I’ve already ordered, let’s have a few drinks and you can go to bed right after since you have the day off tomorrow.”
“Can I stay over at your place?”
She responded as though it was the most natural thing between them. “I already figured you would. I washed the large blanket recently.”
Ye Jun watched them – Hwan and Ji Soo had always been close since some vague point in middle school. At first it had been just Jong In and himself and Ji Soo had somehow wiggled her way into their lives in the first year of middle school. A year or so later, Hwan had just appeared. Before that, despite his popular looks, he had been mostly alone. His standoffish and isolationist attitude had been well known at the time but Ye Jun had never questioned it. And now that he did, he found it odd that Hwan had suddenly begun hanging out with them seemingly out of nowhere.
It all had to do with Ji Soo, that much he knew. While she was incredibly open and could get along with everyone, it wasn’t the same case with Hwan. He rarely showed up if Ji Soo was absent and looking back on his memories, Ye Jun realized that Hwan had always stuck to her like glue. But as far as he knew, they had never dated.
“Are you guys dating?” he asked suddenly.
Everyone paused in their conversation to look at him.
Ji Soo gave him a baffled look. “What gave you that idea?”
“You act like a couple, you’re always together.”
She scratched her cheek, “That’s because we’re best friends. I mean you and Jong In used to–” she stopped and cleared her throat. “Well, naturally since we’re close, we’re together all the time. Anyways, what’s this nonsense about dating? We’ve always been like this. Plus,” she added, picking up her chopsticks and peering at the side dishes. “I’m not Hwan’s type.”
If Ye Jun hadn’t been watching closely, he wouldn’t have noticed the subtle change in Hwan’s expression. Hwan, who almost always sported an indifferent lazy look, was surprised.
“How do you know his type?” Ye Jun asked.
“Well,” she said, slowly, still peering at the side dishes. She selected a braised potato and popped it into her mouth. “I mean…” she lowered her voice and turned to Hwan, whispering into his ear.
Hwan’s eyes widened slightly, “Yeah, tell them. I want to hear this too.”
“Well,” she began again, “He’s like you tw–.” She paused looking at Jong In then turned to Si Woo, “I mean like Si Woo oppa.”
“Me? What exactly do you mean?” he asked. He looked as though he was having a lot of fun.
But she didn’t skip a beat. “You bat for the other team.”
Si Woo laughed, “Well, that’s true and it isn’t a secret.”
Ji Soo turned to Hwan, who wore an expression that Ye Jun had never seen before, though it was subtle as he rarely broke character. “It’s okay among us, right? I mean you never really talked about it and I just happened to find out. There’s no prejudice here with us for that kind of thing, right?” she indicated to the rest of the table.
Ye Jun agreed with the rest but he was just as surprised as Hwan. While there had been no indication of Hwan being attracted to girls, having rejected the many confessions that had been sent his way, there had also been no indication of any inclination to his own gender.
“It’s okay. I had given you my permission,” Hwan finally responded, his lazy expression having returned, “but I want to know why you think that.”
“I overheard it the second year in middle school. I didn’t mean to. I was just running away from a teacher on patrol since I wasn’t wearing the girl’s uniform that day and I overheard a girl confessing to you.” She picked up a chicken leg and lazily pointed it in his direction. “You told her that you had no romantic feelings or attraction toward girls.” She sighed. “I remember thinking that it was quite a harsh rejection but at the same time, if I was her, knowing that I was rejected because you were unable to return the feelings no matter what seemed better than if I was rejected because it was me.”
Ye Jun turned to peer at Jong In, who was watching the two before him with obvious interest. Her words resonated with him, it was something Ye Jun had been thinking of just earlier that day. Had Jong In also been hurt less because he too had believed that Ye Jun could not return his feelings simply because of his gender?
Feelings of guilt surged anew from within him as his eyes fell upon the sunbae’s face. His heart began to beat just a bit faster and he felt as though something inevitable was upon them.
Just what, he wondered, would become of them now?
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