—How long has it been since your cycle occurred?
—About two or three months.
—Do you have a sexual life?
—No, even if you don't believe me.
—Don't worry; I to have a record and know what's happening.
I hope I find out. I don't want my father to complain about the gynaecologist's bill again. Four years have passed since I decided to give up my femininity.
In the fists days, no one in my family liked this news. Now days, We formed two groups. One group supported me. The other group preferred to smile and say, “It's a phase.”
I left the office; my brother Caleb was already waiting for me.
We walked to the exit, and before leaving the building, I looked at myself in the reflection of the glass doors. My hair is short, my loose t-shirt with a Naruto print, some black pants and my red Converse.
Nothing about me indicated that I was a girl.
—Stop getting ready; you're not going to get any prettier.
I laughed. Caleb liked to make jokes about my appearance. I didn't care; I was happy that he, along with Gabriel, accepted me as I was.
We got into his car, and I turned on the radio, so I didn't have to talk. He would make some remarks about the traffic and how tired he was.
—Hey, try to let out the storm until we get home.
—Don't think I do want to.
Caleb parked the car two streets later. My mother could get in. I jumped into the back seat. It made my mother angry when she opened the car door.
—Could you change seats like normal people?
—It's nice to see you, mom.
The rest of the ride home was quiet; only the radio made the silence less awkward. As soon as we got home, I ran to my room and locked myself in. To occupy my mind with something else, I took out my laptop and started doing my homework, or so I tried.
I have had problems with my menstrual cycle for several months now. At first, it was only irregular, nothing abnormal despite everything. But little by little, the delays began to get longer, to the point where I stopped having them.
My parents screamed in heaven; they were both sure that I was pregnant.
Of course, since I was a tomboy looking for issues, they could only expect the worst from me.
Yes, I relieved them by letting them know that I was not pregnant. The doctors were unsure why I wasn't menstruating at my age. I was in my prime of youth, which worried them. Yet, their wallets were not concerned about this uncertainty.
I heard someone knock on the door, and before I could deny entry, Joseph had already settled into my bed. Joseph was the person I had the least connection with. I didn't get along well with him. This was especially true whenever Mom wanted to persuade me. She would send the family psychologist to argue her point.
—Whatever she wants, the answer is no.
—Then I'll tell her you prefer cabbage to pizza for dinner.
— Malicious.
Joseph lay down on my bed, and I continued with my homework. About ten minutes passed before he spoke again.
—Mom wants to know if you'll make the swim team.
—And that miracle that she doesn't prefer me to go into ballet or something similar?
—She likes the women's team uniforms.
—And only for that reason, I will choose Tae Kwan Do.
It was my last year of high school, and to get points in college, I had to improve my academic record. A sports club was a suitable option.
I was part of the drama club for the past two years. I got expelled because of creative disagreements. Furthermore, I also had an incident involving my teacher. Joseph remained silent, increasing my nerves, as I couldn't expect his persuasion tactics.
—Say it, Why Ma sent you?
—I came on my own.
—You don't even believe that.
—What if I tell you that I will no longer take any side?
I stared at him as if a horn had grown on his forehead. For four years, he tried to use the things he was learning in school on me.
And now that he had accepted the role of a psychologist, did he give up?
—You have the right to choose what you want in your life. Others may not understand your choices, but that's okay.
Without further ado, he got up from my bed and headed to the door. Before departing, he faced me once more and spoke, —I understand your choice. But, ponder if it's voluntary or enforced.
…
The day of the clubs' open house arrived. I went straight to the gym to sign up for Tae Kwan Do. I greeted some friends and expressed my displeasure to others. Before I could reach the entrance, a song caught my attention. The school's small auditorium was on the other side of the gym. The theatre and dance clubs were holding their demonstrations there. The song was nice, but I didn't take it into account and went to the gym.
Signing up didn't take me more than five minutes, and when I went out to the yard again, the song continued. Having done what I had to do, going to take a look wouldn't be a problem. On stage, the ballet club was carrying out its demonstration.
I only stayed long enough to record the song and look for it later.
I hated ballet.
Furthermore, I received a message from a friend, “See you on the courts.” To get there faster, I would go through the back of the auditorium. This way, I can also avoid the crowds from the first semester.
That image is one that, to this day, I have not been able to erase from my memory.
A girl danced to the rhythm of the song. Her movements were ethereal, reminiscent of a fairy in a magic circle. The girls dancing on stage couldn't match her grace and beauty. The backyard of the auditorium was the perfect fairy setting.
—Michelle!
The girl called to her from a door, breaking the moment and allowing us to finally see each other in our eyes. Her hair fell to her waist; she was thin, and her gym uniform was a little baggy.
She ran into the gym after I discovered her. I waited for her; I even went back into the auditorium. I watched the ballet club demonstration from beginning to end. The constant feeling of nausea accompanied me throughout. But, she never appeared before my eyes again. The only clue he had was her name.
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