“I wonder how Jong In and Si Woo’s date is going,” Ye Jun said out loud to his empty room. He fiddled with his pen as he stared at the small digital clock on his desk.
It was Friday evening and he was trying to do an assignment but his mind was not on the task.
It was also the day of Jong In and Si Woo’s first paired date. He knew this because all the dates were scheduled on their group chat.
He looked up at the ceiling. He also knew that they were currently in Si Woo’s apartment, working on the game. Si Woo had complained that it wasn’t a date if they spent their time working but Jong In had replied that it was that or nothing at all this week since time was limited for him.
They were going to be working.
It wasn’t romantic in the least and yet Ye Jun found himself getting a bit nervous.
Though he knew that the rules forbade them to do anything that had not already gone on in the group dates, they were still going to be together in Si Woo’s apartment. Alone.
He would have to just trust Jong In and Jong In’s feelings for him.
Ye Jun sighed and leaned his back against his chair, feeling like a jerk, feeling bad that Jong In had a friend like him.
How was it already so complicated? How could there be so many emotions tied to dating? He had never been such a mess and he had only had these two dates. But at least, he was certain now – he liked Si Woo. There was no other explanation to these feelings, why he was constantly thinking about him and feeling this way.
He sighed and looked at the clock again – 9PM, it was still too early. They probably hadn’t ended their date yet.
He would see the sunbae tomorrow on their second group date and yet he was anxious. Tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough.
He laughed. Was this what he was searching for all this time? These unpleasant feelings and anxiety?
He paused, he placed his elbows on his desk and leaned forward. But intermixed with those feelings was the sense of excitement and anticipation. The date tomorrow would include dinner, as all their dates did, but it would also include their first taste of physical intimacy. It was probably still too early since it was only their second date. But Ye Jun was not complaining. While those dreams had mostly ceased, he still recalled them vividly and he was curious if reality would live up to them.
He leaned back once more on his chair. He was concerned about Jong In, however. As far as he knew, the group date would be his first time experiencing such a thing. Ye Jun wasn’t quite sure how he was supposed to go about it and he didn’t want the experience to be uncomfortable for him. He could fake his response but a part of him felt like Jong In would know. And too, if he seemed like he enjoyed it too much, it may send the wrong impression to both Jong In and Si Woo.
He sighed and his mind returned to wondering about what they were up to on their date. Suddenly, Ye Jun stood up.
This wouldn't do, sitting around and wondering was making him go crazy.
He grabbed his coat from his closet and made his way out his bedroom door.
"Where are you going?" a female voice called out from the couch in the living room as he passed.
Ye Jun barely gave its owner a glance. "I'm going to see Jong In." It wasn't exactly a lie, he was planning on getting a glimpse of him and Si Woo but he had said it mostly because his family never questioned whenever Ye Jun met up with Jong In.
“Hold on,” his sister called out to him.
Ye Jun sighed but stopped and turned to her.
She walked slowly into her room and began rummaging through her closet.
“Hurry up!” he called out to her, anxious and now annoyed. It was getting later and later and his need to know what was happening between the two was growing now that he had made the decision to check up on them.
“Calm down,” his sister said, returning to the living room with a bag full of clothes. “Give this to Na Ra unnie. She lent me some clothes the other week but I haven’t had the chance to go to their house.”
“I’m not going to Jong In’s house.”
She gave him a questioning look. “I thought you said you were going to see Jong In…. Fine, just give this to him when you see him then.”
“You want him to carry this around while we’re outside? What if we’re going drinking?”
“Ugh, why are you complaining so much? Just give it to him. He’s not going to care.” She shoved the bag against his chest and walked away, grumbling about annoying little brothers as she did so.
Irritated, Ye Jun grabbed the bag and stomped out the door. Thanks to his sister, his plans had now changed. He had hoped to stop by Si Woo’s apartment with the pretense that he had forgotten something the last time he was there. In fact, he had left a class pamphlet but it was one that could easily be reprinted. He had planned to use that excuse to stay for an hour or two after Jong In left but now it seemed that he could no longer do so.
Groaning, he pulled out his phone and texted Si Woo in the group chat. At least if Jong In was still there, he could use the excuse that he was nearby and could just hand the bag of clothes to him while getting a glimpse of the sunbae’s face.
[Sorry, Ye Jun. Jong In left a little while ago. He should be back home by now.]
Irritated, Ye Jun stuffed his phone back in his pocket. He would just have to head to Jong In’s house instead since it made no sense to stop by Si Woo’s apartment now.
“Ye Jun?”
Ye Jun turned, surprised. He had been near the subway station when he had texted Si Woo and had decided to turn back around. Jong In stood a few feet away from him.
For a moment, Ye Jun simply looked at him, feeling a familiar sense of comfort upon seeing him there with his green jacket and backpack. All the anxiety he had felt previously seemed to disappear in an instant.
“Are you going somewhere?” Jong In asked.
“I uh–” Ye Jun paused, then held up the bag. “My sister asked me to give this to Na Ra noona and sunbae told me that you were on your way back.”
Jong In stepped up beside him and together, they began to walk to Jong In’s house.
“You could have just dropped it off at my house.”
Ye Jun grimaced internally. Things were still a bit strained between them and he didn’t want Jong In to think that he had been on his way to Si Woo’s. He decided to change the topic. “How was your day?”
Jong In was quiet for a moment and Ye Jun felt as though he could slap himself. Of all the questions he could have asked – he didn’t want it to seem as though he was prying.
“It was good,” Jong In responded. “I– we had our date today, Si Woo sunbae and I.”
He winced. Ye Jun hadn’t expected Jong In to bring up the topic himself. “Oh right, how did that go? You guys went to his apartment, right?”
Jong In slowly nodded. “We worked on the game.”
Ye Jun briefly closed his eyes, trying to stop himself from asking for more detail. “You only worked on the game?”
He immediately regretted his words when Jong In grew silent. He was being a jerk, he knew it but somehow he couldn’t seem to control himself. Was this what it meant to be jealous, he wondered, this uncontrollable desire, no, this uncontrollable need to know. He had been relieved when he had seen Jong In at the subway station, relieved that he had come home early, relieved that he and Si Woo were no longer together. He didn’t like it, this feeling as though he was no longer confident in himself.
“We didn’t do anything else,” Jong In finally replied, his voice noticeably softer than before. “We just had dinner and worked on the game together.” Then Ye Jun felt him gently grasp the handle of the bag and took it from his hand.
They were still a few blocks away from Jong In’s house.
“I’m kind of tired and I still have some homework to do,” Jong In said. “Do you mind if I just go home first?” Then without waiting for a reply, he began to walk away from him, toward the direction of his home.
Ye Jun stared at his retreating form in surprise, their houses were in the same direction.
The meaning behind Jong In’s words were clear.... He was purposefully leaving him behind.
He continued to watch him until Jong In turned the corner, an unfamiliar emptiness took hold of him. Then when the only remaining signs of Jong In ever having been there were the sounds of his fading footsteps, Ye Jun sighed and rubbed the back of his head.
Really, he thought again. Who knew that it could all be so complicated?
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