At home, I was puking, choking out a mashed out of red heart shaped wings.

“Harper was right,” I mumbled. “These things really die because of our atmosphere.”

In the red goop of dead bug remains I saw a leg twitch before flushing the remains down the toilet. Apparently, the bug was so used to the deep forest environment that any exposure to the outside killed them, which was why it didn’t spread beyond Skye. However, they were perfectly evolved to survive human bodies which was why one of the side effects of the vaccine was…

 “Not again,” I muttered as I felt the bile reach my throat.

I puked out another round of red paste, my knees starting to hurt from kneeling over the toilet bowl so long. Mr. Silver was on top of the bathroom cabinet and didn’t come back to my hand like a loyal little soldier. When I was 100% sure I was done puking, I flushed, picked up my bracelet from the cabinet and went back to reading a book. It was at that moment Mr. Silver decided to come to life.

“You’re not going to help them?” Mr. Silver asked.

“So, the only time you’re going to talk to me is to judge me,” I said. “What are you, my teacher?”

“I wasn’t even judging you,” Mr. Silver said. “I just asked a question. You assuming I’m judging you means you feel guilty about it, don’t you?”

I wanted to retort to that, but I realised I had nothing. “What do you know, you’re a freaking bracelet?”

“You listened to their entire story,” Mr. Silver said. “And at the last minute you decide to leave them hanging like that?”

“What can I do?” I mumbled. “I’m just a high school student…”

“A high school student with the soul of an almost doctor,” Mr. Silver said. “You seem to be conveniently forgetting that…”

“But I don’t know anything about heart shaped butterflies,” I countered. “It wasn’t in my…”

“Now you’re just making excuses,” Silver said. “You seemed to pick up her explanations really fast.”

“But…”

“Enough buts,” Mr. Silver said. “Why did you let them down?”

“I don’t want to let anybody down!” I yelled. “I’m reincarnated remember. I’m not me! Just know these people meet the real me and they’re disappointed. Just saving them from that.”

“Saving them?” Mr. Silver asked. “Or yourself?”

“What are you, my therapist?” I snapped. “Go stick to being a flashlight or something.”

“What do you want?” Mr. Silver asked.

“You, off my ass,” I said.

“Never mind, I should be asking why you stuck around if you weren’t interested in the first place?”

“None of your business,” I said.

“April,” Mr. Silver said in a disappointed tone. “Why’d you stick around?”

“Can you shut up?” I said. “The books getting really interesting.”

“April,” Silver said in an annoying nasally voice. “C’mon Aprillll…”

I groaned. “I wanted to help them, okay. Now get off my ass.”

“So, why’d you leave them?”

“To not disappoint them,” I said. “So will you please shut up?”

“Are they disappointing you?”

“No,” I said. “I barely… will you freaking shut up?”

“So, who’s the disappointing party in this?”

“Me,” I yelled. “Is that what you want to hear, me?” I tossed my book aside. “I don’t want to disappoint them so it’s better I just leave them freaking alone instead of bothering them with my presence. Is that a problem?”

“No,” Mr. Silver said. “But it is a problem if it prevents you from doing what you want to do. Which is…”

I sighed. “I want to help them.”

“So why aren’t you?”

The answer wanted to squirm itself out of my body. There it was in my stomach, causing my fingers to stiffen and my body to tense up. I didn’t want to hear the answer, I just wanted to strangle the person behind Mr. Silver’s voice.

Instead, I just let the answer speak.

“Myself,” I sighed, both relieved and angry. “Myself. I want to do it but I’m afraid I’ll let them down.”

“But they asked you for help,” Mr. Silver said. “I don’t think you’ll let them down and…”

“Yeah,” I said, trying my best not to let the defeat show in my voice. I don’t even know why I felt defeated. I crossed my arms to warm myself up despite it being not all that cold. “Harper really needs the help. I should probably help her out.”

I took out Mr. Silver and placed him on my dressing table, the purple gem clattering on the wood surface.

“I’m burnt out,” I said. “I need some rest, I’ll call Harper and tell her I’m willing to help.” She’d given me her number in case I changed my mind. It was on a scrap of paper lying on my desk.

As I laid down on my bed, I pointed at Mr. Silver. “And no more therapy sessions from you, the only thing I want to hear you say next time are answers.”

Silver dimmed for a moment before letting out a sigh of defeat.

“Fine,” he said. “After you cure whatever, this is I’ll give you answers.” He paused. “Just don’t throw me when you don’t like them.”