I almost closed my eyes, ready for the kiss that was surely about to come, the one that I had only dreamed about for so damn long—

“I spoke with the captain of my regiment today,” Caius said, sending all thoughts of kissing flying from my head. “I think I’m going to finally get a higher rank!”

I blinked rapidly, taking in the joy on his face a second before he was hugging me and lifting me into the air, spinning me in a little circle that almost made me dizzy as the garden breeze picked up, blowing through my hair and sending tendrils clinging to my cheeks.

His joy was infectious, and I couldn’t help but laugh, happy at the feeling of his arms around me. It wasn’t a new sensation, because he had done this many times before, in a friendly, platonic way, laughing with me over small victories—whatever we could take in a place like this, which wasn’t much.

But it was hard not to want more when he set me down. He didn’t pick me up because he returns my feelings. He never will, anyway.

After all, I had been told for almost my entire life that I was an abomination. Even my name, Nepha, was borrowed from the word “nefas.” And even then, only Caius actually bothered to call me by my name.

Tamping down my own feelings, I forced myself to keep smiling. “I’m so happy for you.”

That much wasn’t a lie. I meant it, truly. When Caius was first stationed here, he had taken a very menial position, in part in order to be closer to me. And that had made me feel, at times, like our friendship was only dragging him down. Even though a selfish part of me was glad that he had stayed close to me all this time and wanted him to be around forever, I knew it was better for him to do what he wanted with his life. A place at my side could not take him far in this world.

And now…now he would finally rise in the ranks to where he belonged. As a true officer in the best army in the land.

Hesitantly, I asked, “Does this mean that you’ll be stationed somewhere else? Will you have to go to the front?”

Even though I wanted him to be happy and fulfilled, it worried me to think that he would move beyond me and our friendship. Then I would truly be alone. But even more than that, I was afraid that he would be in an active battle against the Sanguine. The warriors of Sanguine were thought, in fables, to have immeasurable strength in addition to immortality, gained from the blasphemous act of drinking blood. Everyone knew the tales. They were the stuff of nightmares.

He shook his head, grinning. “That’s the best part. It’s a position right here in the citadel. I won’t even have to leave the Sepulcrum Osa. We can stay together, and I’ll have more power. I can even speak with Mortis Kato about maybe getting you better quarters or something. It could be a present for your eighteenth birthday—since it’s coming up soon. Don’t think I forgot!”

The mere mention of the High Mortis made my heart clench and made it harder to be happy about everything else. The High Mortis was due for a visit any day now, and I’d been dreading it. Every visit only promised fear and pain for me.

Sensing Caius’s eyes on me, I gave another forced smile. “I like my room,” I told him. “I don’t have much, so the small space is comforting.”

It wasn’t a complete lie. My room was my safe place. No one ever came there, so I actually had peace and quiet whenever I was there. A bigger room was just a place with more space for unwanted things to creep in. I liked my room small.

Anyway, it was the outside world that held all the danger for me.

Caius frowned. “Nepha, I’ve always told you that you deserve more than this. The world is far bigger than the sanctum’s walls. Don’t you ever wonder what’s out there?”

I frowned, considering. Even if I did wonder, there was no way I’d be able to see it, so what was the use? I lived by the mercy of the Morti, a lesson I had been taught my entire life and one I would never forget.

“I like this place,” I said. Half lie and half truth. “It’s the second largest citadel in Anima Mors. How much more space could I need?”

Caius scowled and turned away, his jaw clenched. “If that accident had never happened, if you had never had to reveal your ability…”

I grabbed his hand and held it tightly in my own, forcing him to face me again. “Stop,” I said quietly. “I will never regret bringing you back. You are my one true friend in this world, Caius. I…couldn’t live without you.”

Truth. Perhaps too much truth. But I hated to see him blaming himself for my situation. I had acted all those years ago, and I had never once thought that it would have been better if I turned away and let him die.

Caius stared down at our joined hands, his almost twice the size of mine, and my breath caught as his fingers moved to my wrist, slowly unraveling each button of the gloves I always wore. They were frayed and dirty as a result.

I never took them off in front of other people, but I couldn’t help but watch, frozen, as Caius pulled them from my hands. When he started to turn my left hand over, I tensed, resisting. I already feel naked enough.

But when he looked me in the eye, I relented, letting him turn my hand over to reveal a mark embedded into my skin, an eight-sided star I’d been born with. It marked me as an abomination.

It was the reason I wore gloves.

Unlike everyone else, Caius did not cringe at the sight. Instead, he lifted my hand to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to my skin. His lips felt warm, and my skin tingled.

I could barely move—and didn’t want to. To move would be to risk breaking contact. How long would this last? Would he…kiss me somewhere else?

“The moment you want more, you come and tell me, okay?” he murmured, looking up at me. The anger in his eyes had faded to something else, and I found myself unable to look away. “I will go to my captain, to the general of the army if I must. I will do what I have to in order to give you the life you deserve. I wouldn’t be alive without you, Nepha.”

So you keep reminding me. But sometimes I just want to forget that.

I released his hand, reaching up to cup his cheek. “Friends never owe each other a debt.”

Caius grinned, and suddenly I had the urge to blurt out the truth, that I loved him, that I thought of him as far more than just a friend.

But even as my lips parted, the words seemed to stick in my throat.

A shuffle of foliage had me spinning around to find one of the lower priests standing only a few feet away.

I immediately grabbed my gloves and shoved them back on, snapping the buttons in a smooth, practiced motion without even looking down.

The priest’s eyes moved to my hand anyway, as if he could still see the mark I hid from view.

His eyes narrowed, and I winced. The priests always unnerved me with how quietly they moved, and their judging eyes that seemed to look at me as if I was less than human. No one could make me feel smaller than they did.

But in this place, I had to play along if I wanted to be left alone.

Together, Caius and I lowered our heads in a partial bow, showing deference. As much as a part of me hated to do it.

“We have been looking all over the citadel for you, girl.”

I winced again. As much as I hated their judging looks, I hated to be talked down to even more—especially in front of Caius.

At least he knew better than to defend me, but it was still degrading to have him see how I was treated as less than human by everyone else in the citadel. But this was my life. I knew nothing else.

Still, I straightened my shoulders as I looked the priest in the eye. “How may I be of service?” It was almost impossible not to pitch the words sarcastically.

The priest folded his hands, glaring at me suspiciously as if he could read my every thought. “Mortis Kato is on his way. He will arrive after supper. You must prepare yourself for his visit.”