It wasn’t that I was scared to speak to her, it was that I didn’t know what to say. At least that’s what I told myself as we rode in the carriage to Oceanside Castle. That and the fact that she also had Chemy to talk to. What did she need me for? 

And perhaps also the fact that I wasn’t even sure if she wanted to be around me after last night. I could still feel the slam of that door inside my soul. Was it only embarrassment? Or did she hate that I had called her beautiful? Hadn’t I said that at the ball and she hadn’t reacted like that? What was the difference with last night? 

I found myself accidentally looking at Chemy again across from me. Each time he would glare back disapprovingly. A strange look that I never imagined could come from such a usually jolly gnome. Now his eyes were signaling between me and Ellia beside him. Was he trying to get me to talk to her? 

I looked out the window to where Ellia took in all the new surroundings. The tall trees of the forest she was used to were nowhere to be seen. Sand and rocks dotted the landscape with only spindly bushes to cover it. For a moment, I was brave enough to look at her. Part of her looked uneasy and the rest intrigued. 

My attention turned back to Chemy and his impatiently tapping foot. Fine…I would try to say something. 

“We should arrive at the ocean soon. It’s much more beautiful there.” I winced at my words as the word ‘beautiful’ only reminded me of last night once again.

She only nodded, as her gaze never left the window. 

Chemy didn’t look quite as upset but still eyed me down. 

As the ocean finally came into view, I watched Ellia’s eyes grow wide in wonder. 

“Chemy, look! It’s so big!” 

For a moment, I smiled at her familiar excitement, but then remembered she wasn’t talking to me. 

When it came time to exit the carriage, I went first. Turning, I pondered if I should help her out of the carriage. It was the proper thing to do. For a moment, my hand went out but suddenly returned to my side quickly. That is, until I saw Chemy’s glare. But Ellia was already partly through the door, so when I offered my help, it ended up in an awkward grabbing of her wrist that caused her to trip into me. 

Immediately, I stabilized her to her feet and quickly walked away like nothing happened. Once Chemy exited the carriage, the smug look on his face was apparent. Perhaps he was enjoying this a bit too much. 

Shrugging it off, I led them inside as servants followed behind with our luggage. They all gave strange looks at the gnome they weren’t used to seeing. Let alone the fact that I had brought anyone else here at all on this special week after our wedding.

Down some hallways, I pointed to some rooms. “You can take your pick of what room you both would like. This castle isn’t nearly as big as back home, but there are still plenty of spare rooms if you each want your own.”

To no surprise, Chemy gave his disapproving look at me once again. What was it this time? 

He poked Ellia’s arm. “You know how badly I snore. I should sleep alone. But I’m sure Kalin doesn’t, so you—”

“We aren’t sleeping in the same room,” I quickly countered before Ellia even had a chance to react. Though I was curious how she would have responded. But she didn’t need that kind of pressure.

And there was that look again that was starting to become classic Chemy. 

Letting them sort the room situation alone, I turned down to the next hallway and entered the King and Queen’s room. The room my parents had once stayed in. It had been years since being here. But all those joyous years of childhood returned to life in my memories. 

In the mornings, I would enter their room and lay on the round, ocean colored rug and soak in the sun through the large windows. My parents, taking advantage of their rare vacations, would stay in bed most of the morning. Their voices would lull me back to sleep even though I had just slept all night. 

And the best part, they would break any proper eating rules and order breakfast in bed where I could crawl in with them and stuff my face. Then after, we would go to the beach where I played for hours. 

Though I had moved to their room at the main castle back when I became king, somehow this felt different. It somehow felt wrong. This was a memory of them I wanted to remain untouched.  

Swallowing away the strange feeling, I left and chose a different room to stay in. Back in the hallways, I made sure the servants put our bags in the right rooms. It seems Chemy and Ellia settled on staying in the same one after all. 

Keeping my distance, I stood in the doorway as they overlooked their new room. “Supper won’t be ready for a while. Would you like to go to the beach until then?”

When Ellia didn’t answer, Chemy chimed up. “Sounds quite the delight! Let’s go!” He smiled mischievously and when we nearly exited the castle, I understood why. “Oh my back!” He said, grabbing onto his side. “I think the ride has done me in. You two go ahead, and I’ll take a bit of a rest.”

Ellia looked at him with beseeching eyes. Did she also know of his schemes? Chemy only waved his hands for us to go on and backed himself the opposite way. Trying to suppress a sigh, I continued on as Ellia timidly followed. 

I had only wanted to make things right with her but was unsure if I had actually made any progress or only had made things worse. It was hard to read her and only feared once again doing the wrong thing. But was speaking nothing even worse? Chemy would clearly not stop until he was satisfied with my efforts. 

And her smile… It was something I dearly wanted to see again. 

Opening the door, I stepped aside for her to walk out first. “Are you ready, Queen Ellia, for your first time to see the ocean up close?” Though she wouldn’t look at me, I attempted a smile. 

A nod was the most she responded with. Though I could tell the eagerness in her legs carried her faster down the walkway the closer we got. When finally face to face with the waves only feet away, her eyes seemed to glow in delight. 

“How does the water move like that?”

I actually wasn’t quite sure myself, but wanted her to look at me as someone who could answer all her questions. “It has something to do with the pull of gravity.” 

“But why doesn’t lake water do that?”

“There probably isn’t enough water,” I guessed, just happy we could talk at all. 

She nodded, seeming satisfied with my answer as she neared close enough to the water to almost touch it. For a moment, the mischievous idea crossed my mind to push her in. Or at least splash her with the waves. But I only followed behind her at a slow pace. I didn’t even know if she would like it. And she didn’t need to get wet right before we ate. 

If one day I could ever see her look into my eyes and laugh…that would be a glorious day. But that moment wasn’t now. 

After walking a while, she stopped and stood with a look of concern. “It feels weird though. We are here for a week of leisure while my kingdom is suffering. Isn’t that why we rushed the wedding?”

It shouldn’t have surprised me but yet again it did that she was so caring and thoughtful about the needs of others. Would she ever cease to make me love her even more? 

I dared to stand beside her. “It’s our kingdom. And I will do everything in my power to help them. I brought along many letters and books and notes filled with the current concerns that I will overlook and plan what actions to take next. And I plan to go there myself after this week. So don’t worry yourself with it, and just enjoy the week.”

Once again, she simply nodded, making me crave her to look at me. We stood in silence for a while as the sound of the waves calmed us. For now, I would simply enjoy being able to be close to her and my frequent glances I hope she didn’t notice. 

I dearly wanted to speak to her. It didn’t matter what about. I just wanted to hear her voice. To feel a deeper connection. To know her thoughts. But as I couldn’t think of anything to say, my opportunity ran out. 

A light thunderous sound from behind the castle started to grow. Ellia turned her attention to it in curiosity. 

I smiled, knowing that she would soon be glad to find out. “It sounds like they have arrived.”

“Who?” She asked, finally looking at me. 

I took my time to answer, wanting to soak in her eyes before I might not get another chance for a while. “Let’s go see.”

By the time we made our way around the castle, six carriages had pulled up. Ellia’s eyes narrowed in confusion until the first carriage door burst open and a gnome jumped out. Soon, many other gnomes followed. The moment they spotted Ellia, they rushed to her in excitement as they called her name. 

After the initial surprise, her face matched the same joy as she took the time to hug each one. It took a while as there were nearly 40 gnomes in all. The pushing and shoving and yelling finally died down. A few gnomes finally seemed to notice I was even there. 

“Whoa, a beard!” One said. 

“I wouldn't call that a beard,” another huffed. 

“Be nice to Ellia’s Kalin!” 

I found myself chuckling and liked the fact they referred to me as being Ellia’s. It was a nice thought. Though probably not one she held in her own mind. 

Once again feeling out of place, I thought it best to let them have their reunion alone. Only a few steps after my departing attempts, Chemy grabbed me by the arm, yanking me back towards the sea of gnomes. “Don’t think you will get out of this that easy,” he said with a sly smile. 

He went on to make sure every gnome introduced themself to me. This also took a great amount of time since the gnomes were excited to share and oftentimes interrupted each other or got off topic. It didn’t take long to see they each had playful spirits and loved games. Especially playing in the water. 

The next difficult task we needed to attempt was supper. As expected, getting all gnomes into the castle and seated wasn’t easy. It took me, Ellia, and Chemy to make sure one didn’t wander off alone to explore. Many tried. 

But once they saw the meal set on the tables, all their attention was fixed on only the food. I had made sure no meat was served or anything else that Ellia hadn’t liked and mostly had scones and bread and pies. Of course, Chemy made sure that Ellia and I sat next to each other. 

It didn’t take long for the food to be devoured and piles of crumbs to take over the tables. I didn’t eat much. My attention was mostly drawn to Ellia who smiled and laughed along with the others in excited chatter. That smile and laugh that I longed to see. Though I would only be truly satisfied when it was for me. 

After everyone's belly was thoroughly stuffed, the gnomes finally quieted as if they were too full to say another word. Their eyes drooped in grogginess. 

“Gnomes get very sleepy after eating,” Ellia explained. 

“Then we should show them to their rooms so they can rest.” 

She nodded to my suggestion and started to herd them away.

Now after having met the gnomes, I felt silly that I ever thought they might have been bad. All the stories I had heard of them were simply wrong. And the fairies also weren’t as they seemed. My entire belief system had been turned upside down. I had been made into a different person. A better person. And it was all because of Ellia. I owed so much to her. 

And I had taken so much from her. So much loss and sacrifice that bringing some gnomes around didn’t make up for. How could I possibly ask for her love as well?