The first recital happened earlier than expected. It was a typical student event. Since it was the final performance, only a few people attended. Michelle and I were grateful for that.
—But you dance gorgeously, I don't understand why you don't want anyone to see you.
The two of us were warming up away from the others. Yet, their guardians still paid attention to us.
—I don't like to attract attention—she replied, —What about you?
—Oh, no, I keep moving like a newborn deer.
My joke made her laugh. I heard tender exclamations in the distance. It seemed we were entertaining the club.
The teacher entered the auditorium. We separated and joined the others. We formed a circle around the teacher.
—Our next event will be the Christmas gala, this time, parents will come, so we must redouble our efforts.
Different exclamations filled the auditorium. While a few people were excited, others preferred not to perform in front of a large crowd. Michelle looked down, I took her hand, telling her with no words, “I'm with you.”
—Silence— the teacher raised her voice.
—There will be five numbers. Two are general ones. There is one for girls and boys only. There is also a duet. For the duet, I will conduct try outs. Please choose a partner.
The last thing surprised everyone. Competitions started to decide dance partners.
Everyone was moving from one place to another, establishing pairs. It was amusing to witness. Michelle and I were not selected by anyone else.
The couples were finally formed during the session. We dedicated the rest of the session to learning three of the five choreographies. They placed me in the back because I performed with the grace of an elephant.
The class ended. Michelle was with her friends. I had to wait. It was now or never.
—Hey Mi… Miguel—sometimes I forgot that outside the auditorium, I had to call her that way.
—Something happens?
All her attention was on me, all the brave I had slipped away.
—I wanted to know, would you like to go out with me on Friday?
She looked at me amazed, a small blush appeared on her cheeks.
— I don't know…
—I understand—I said.
— After school?
— Yes, of course!
—Could we better meet somewhere?— It was the first time I had heard her speak out loud. I nodded, whatever the case, she had accepted.
The horn of Caleb's car was calling me, before leaving her, I gave her a kiss on the cheek and ran away.
…
As soon as I arrived home on Friday, I immediately went to my room. I couldn't make up my mind about what to wear. I couldn't choose. I had a hard time deciding between the Batman sweatshirt and the shirt with Harry Potter details. I also couldn't pick between my black jeans or the camel-coloured Bermuda shorts.
—Just be yourself— Gabriel mocked me from my bed.
Why had I thought it was a good idea to ask him for advice?
—What's going on here?— my mother asked as she entered my room.
—You're going to be late, Sara, and I don't want you to make Gabriel drive fast.
—I don't know what to wear— I answered.
—It's an outing, not a date.
Silence settled in the room. Only then I remember that I hadn't told my parents anything.
—Blessed god! My daughter has a date!
I wasn't ready for a reaction like that.
—It's with that boy, right? Or honey, but you can't wear any of that, you're too pretty to hide it with those clothes…
My mother talked without stopping. It took her a while to realize she was making others uncomfortable. When she saw no one shared her emotion, she left.
…
Gabriel parked in the underground car park. He was borrowing the car. He had a date with his boyfriend too.
We both entered the shopping centre. He gave me directions to the meeting spot. He walked with me to the central fountain. Before parting ways, he hugged me.
—Enjoy your date, little one.
I saw him walk away, a few meters away, Daniel was already waiting for him, they kissed before heading to the cinema.
I was alone for a moment, I was nervous, checking my clothes in the reflection of the water.
Hands covered my eyes, I smiled.
When I turned around, Michelle greeted me with a radiant smile. I had only ever seen her in her uniform or rehearsal outfit.
We walked through the mall holding hands, we entered to some stores or took photos.
An hour later, we sat at a table in the fast food area to eat ice cream. It was a pleasure to hear her mention the things she liked apart from ballet.
—Hey, there's something I've been meaning to ask you—she exclaimed.
—You will say.
— How would you like me to address you?
—Ara it's okay, I like the nickname your friend gave me.
—… I did not mean that.
I left my ice cream on the table.
—I… I would rather not be a woman, but I don't identify complete as a man either.
I told her what happened four years ago. At first, I thought about omitting some details. But actually, I wanted to share my story with her.
Michelle listened to me, when I finished my story she wrapped my hands in hers.
—I'm sorry that happened to you.
— Its Alright.
—But, I see unfair that you have to give up being one, it's like cutting off your arm.
—What's so good about being a woman? If they don't oppress you, they punish you for being so, who would want to be?
— I'm a woman.
I felt stupid.
— I did not mean…
She looks nervous, —I didn't say it to scold you! If you don't feel like a woman, it's okay.
—But— she added —Choosing not to be one because of others…is like agreeing with them.
I looked down, I felt ashamed; Still, also confused. I would rather not be one. I hated the limited life they allowed me to live. But, being a boy, there were many things I could now do. But I didn't feel complete.
Michelle pressed her forehead to mine. She was so warm.
— One step at a time.
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