“Can someone grab me some water for her!”

The noises in my head drown out the voices around me.

“My God, I think she’s having a panic attack!”

I clutch my tightening chest, gasping for air as my throat constricts.

“Eujin! Are you okay?”

The world tilts and blurs, spinning out of control.

You can’t achieve perfection without pain!

You are ungrateful! You deserve pain!

A warm hand presses a water bottle to my lips. I gulp it down, feeling the liquid burn my throat. I try not to sob, but the tears spill over. 
“Here, drink this,” Lilly says, her voice sounds as gentle and soothing as always, but the turmoil inside my head and my chest remains.

The water helps me calm down a bit. My breathing slows and my vision clears as the world comes back into focus slowly, like a fog lifting.

I look around the set, seeing the concerned faces of the girls and the crew.

Guilt invades me.

“I’m so sorry, I don’t know what--”  
Hana rubs my shoulder. “No, don’t be sorry, all that matters is that you’re okay.”

I shake my head, wiping the tears that have escaped. “I need a few minutes,” I say, my voice shaky. 
The girls all nod as I turn to leave.

Director Lee’s voice reassures the set, a distant murmur in the background.

Dal escorts me off the set, holding my arm.  
“What do you need?” She asks, her concern palpable.  
Dal is the best assistant in the world, but what I need right now, I’m afraid lies beyond her capabilities.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I manage a faint smile. “Can I get a moment alone? That’s all.”

She nods and guides me into an empty room. “I’ll be right out here, waiting, okay? Just call me if you need anything.”

“Thank you, Dal.”

As the door locks behind me, I lean against it and draw in a shuddering breath.

This is what I need.

Pain bleeds perfection.

Pain is a gift.

Stifling my sobs, I bend down to remove my shoes.

My hands tremble as I undo the laces on my gold boots.

The girls swarm around me with eager questions as I return to set.

“I’m okay, I’m okay. I’m ready to rock this, come on!” I say.

Lilly, however, hangs back a bit and shoots me doubtful glances. 

But my reassuring, confident smile stays on as I appease them and the crew.

I have never been more ready.

I will nail this.

I should do it perfectly now.

Director Lee asks me if I’m good to go, and I flash him a thumbs up. He signals the crew to resume the shoot.

The familiar and electrifying surge of energy courses through me, igniting my senses. The vibrant colors of the CGI fire dance around us, matching the pulsating beat of our song. I feed off the infectious enthusiasm of the girls as we get into position.

Director Lee’s voice slices through the air, loud and clear in my earpiece as he gives us final instructions. 
“Action!”

The scene kicks off, and we slip into the opening choreography with flawless precision.

The beat of the music pulses through my veins, setting the tempo for our fearless dance anthem.

As we perform, the unspoken connection between us girls is ever present, the chemistry that binds us together, and I drink in the magnetic synchronicity as we move.

Pain pulses at the bottom of my feet, fueling my determination, and perfecting my performance. With each step, a driving force, an invisible flame propels me forward and helps me soar.

I take a deep breath, grounding myself for the upcoming solo.

I step into the spotlight; this is the moment, the apex, where I must transcend and embody the fiery spirit of the song.

The throbbing pain intensifies in my feet as I spin around the imaginary fire, falling into a symbolic flame. I executed the spin perfectly, feeling the imaginary flames caress my skin. Falling into the flame, I surrender to the movement, visualizing myself rising from the flames as the girls rejoin me in a smooth transition,

We emerge from the ashes, triumphant and invincible.

I emerge stronger as the girls surround me. The flames subside, and we stand tall, a phoenix reborn.

As the song reaches its final notes, we deliver the closing moves with unparalleled intensity.

Director Lee calls “Cut!” and the set erupts into applause.

The girls trap me in a huge embrace, their pride and joy filling me up, our collective chests rising and falling in unison.

“That was phenomenal!” Director Lee exclaims. “Perfect! Now we just need to do it exactly like this again and again!”